Chapter One: Finders Seekers
How do you find someone special?
Most people don't give that question much thought, I suppose. It's an emergent thing, for them, something that just happens. People meet, get to know one another, hook up... and the rest is history.
I never had that. Funny. I was born with everything you could materially wish for, and I've been coasting through life without having to work a single day, lucky me. The rich blond heiress, stylish and pampered, effortlessly admired...
And yet, it's like others have been given an instruction manual on how to find romance, and I didn't get mine.
The universe's way of compensating, perhaps.
There are gradients to finding someone, of course. Depending on what you're looking for. Some people set up friends on blind dates. There's speed dating, and sites and apps, munches and play parties, and more.
Given my... tastes... I tried some of the latter. Unfortunately, it isn't for me. You can easily find like-minded kinksters to roleplay with, sure...
But what about when you're looking for is not just someone to roleplay with? What if you want something that can't be negotiated, can't be faked, can't be a game -- because the point is exactly that it has to be real?
Well, then... you have a problem.
I have a problem.
"Thanks for coming in," I tell the girl... fuck, I've already forgotten her name. Sammy? Cindy? No no, that's not it. "Sandy," I say at last, shaking her hands. She has a tremulous look on her face as she weakly reciprocates my handshake.
"It's Sydney," she says in a soft voice. Awkward, or it would be, if I cared. Instead, I just give her a condescending smile -- one I've practiced a lot -- and carry on as if I hadn't heard that. "I'll be in touch if I decide to proceed with you."
For the briefest of moments, her life light up with hope. False hope, the cruelest of all. "You'll call?"
"If I decide to proceed with you," I repeat in mock kindness, making sure to stress the hypothetical. I can see the battle playing across her face, deep within her dumb brown eyes. Part of her knows she's not going to get the job, though not the reason why. Part of her clings to hope.
Yeah, she definitely isn't the one, she's basically shaking in my presence. I see her out the door without so much as a goodbye, knowing that at some point, in a few hours, a few days, that light of false hope is going to fade from her eyes. Snuffed out, by my decision, and my selfishness.
She's clearly trying to make ends meet, this little wisp of a girl. I'm hurting her by turning her down, especially because if I really was looking for just a simple maid, she'd do just fine.
I have more money than I could spend in a lifetime, money for ten maids, even. I could write her a check as a gift, a compensation for being the unwitting victim of my own fantasies, and it would really make a difference in the quality of her life.
And yet here I am, saying no. Hiding behind a wall of courtesy and propriety as I usher her out of the door, knowing she'll walk the long, lonely way through the garden, out the gates, and will never be back here again.
I'm saying no, because I don't want a maid: what I'm looking for is unethical, and unspeakable.
But I don't care that she's a victim of that. She was unemployed before, and is still unemployed now. All I've truly cost her is one afternoon and a bit of disappointment, which will pass, in time.
Or maybe not. Not my problem. What matters to me is my need.
I chuckle to myself. If anything, I should feel bad about how I would have exploited her by hiring her. It's so silly to worry about wasting her time, when I'm carrying out the literal definition of sexual harassment: hiring someone in the secret hope that they will fullfil a sexual fantasy of mine.
Even if the fantasy in question is technically about my female domestic employee take advantage of me.
No matter if it's atypical, though, it's still harassment. Here I am, an obscenely wealthy woman, using the fact that other women need a job to survive, to gain leverage over them. To select one to hire, and trap into my orbit, so I can force her to interact with me on a daily basis.
So that I can try to manipulate or nudge her into making the thing happen.
It's manipulative, predatory, and abusive.
And I want it.
I tap my heeled foot against the marble floor, impatient, fidgety. I've hired more promising candidates than I can count, and fired all of them in time, when they failed to live up to my expectations.
Now, I find myself rejecting more and more girls out of hand. I'm less and less willing to take chances, to be disappointed again... but that makes me feel like my prospects of success are growing ever more remote.
I sit down in my office chair, swinging slowly left and right, thinking. Maybe I should just stop. It's risky, trying to get away with sexual harassment like this, and it's not like I've been succeeding at it anyway. Yes, stopping would be wise, perhaps even liberating.
I wish I knew how to do that.
For the thousandth time, I tell myself that I could always compromise. I could just hire a sex worker and set all of this up, and the simplicity and speed of that solution is tempting... but then, for the thousandth time, I ask myself, what's the point then?
It would be fake. A fantasy, worthless, redundant. I don't need another person for a fantasy, my own imagination and my vibrator will suffice for that.
I want real.
What I want is, in a way, simple: I want my maid to stage a coup in my own mansion, and turn the tables on me.
Yeah, simple. And at the same time, terribly complicated.
Even knowing what to look for, exactly, is so much tougher than I thought, before I spiralled into this obsession, before it completely devoured my experience of sexuality.
Should I look for a young brat who's lazy and indolent, and will relish a chance not to get any work done at my expense?
Or perhaps a confident and intelligent woman down on her luck, who's trying to grit her teeth through this job while aspiring to something more, who would find catharsis in gaining the upper hand over me?
Or maybe a professional governess, strict and with impossibly high standards I'll never live up to, who'll gradually but inexorably lose all respect for me as an employer, until she finally decides to start setting standards for me...
God, I want to masturbate. If I didn't have another interview coming up, I'd be lunging for my bedroom already.