Faithfulness Ch 02

My name is Steve, and I have the model life. I have a gorgeous wife, Katie, who I will describe more later, because it's an important part of my story. I have a smart and handsome son, Simon. I go to church on Sundays, and our congregation is led by a wise and spiritual man we all just call The Pastor, and he has been so much more than a priest in my life. He's been like a mentor and counselor and good friend all the way back to high school. He even introduced me to my wife in the Bible study class we both attended. He's a good man, the church is a community of good people, and I have many friends.

I have a steady, well paying job that I got through the connections I have through the church. I live in an idyllic suburban neighborhood in a big house, in the same neighborhood as most of the friends from my church. Most of my best friends are the same ones since high school, and we grew up together. We see each other a lot, we have backyard barbecues together, we play softball together at the local park, we help each other out. It's truly the perfect life.

Then one day, something happened that shocked me, and made me question if things weren't as perfect as they seemed. My friend Rob, who was one of my high school friends, also had a drop dead gorgeous wife, and he also had a stunningly beautiful daughter, and had everything as perfect as me. Every year, his family went away to do charitable work in other countries, something many of us did, arranged through the church we all attended. Recently, Rob went to meet his wife and daughter while they were on their charity trip, but Rob didn't come back. For a while, it was unclear what happened, but then ugly rumors started to circulate that he had tried to rape his own daughter, and that he couldn't come back to the U.S. because he was wanted for attempted rape. And in any case, his wife wanted to divorce him, his daughter didn't want to see him, and everyone in the community had turned against him. He had no home to come back to, even if he could somehow not go to prison. I couldn't believe it. I knew Rob, and knew him as one of the most faithful Christian men in our community.

And then I saw the video. Everyone in the community whispered about it, even though we all agreed outwardly that we wouldn't watch the video, it was sure that everyone had. I resisted for a while, but then, it was inevitable that I had to see it for myself. It wasn't available on YouTube because it was too graphic, but if you searched for something like, "man rapes his own daughter", you would find it on web sites one probably should avoid.

There was no denying that was our friend Rob in the video, in a black and white security camera footage from the corner of a hotel room. The video was high definition and he was as clear as day. He was naked, and, it's disgusting to talk about, but he was erect. Dare I even say he was more than erect, something about his state of arousal was more than unusually hard. And it wasn't just his penis, it was like he was in a state of madness. His whole body was intense, like he hard turned into some kind of sexual monster. He stormed into the room from the bathroom, came up to the foot of the bed, and yelled at his daughter, Chastity, to perform sexual acts on him. Poor Chastity, sweet and innocent, though I must admit, he caught her when she couldn't have been more alluring clothes to be lounging in bed, though more on that later.

Fortunately, her face was blurred in the video to protect her identity, so she wouldn't suffer any public humiliation. In the video, she screamed, naturally as you can imagine. She retreated backwards in fear, and he chased her across the large bed, and then he grabbed her, and, I'm sorry to be so detailed though I fear I must for you to understand, he was just about to force his penis into her mouth, but fortunately just before he could, some hotel security burst in the room and stopped him. They must have heard her scream and come running, and thank God! The situation must have been traumatic enough for the poor girl, I can't imagine what kind of damage it would have done to go any further!

Fortunately, she's a strong girl, with God's favor and good Christian values, and when she was back in America, she had the support of our church congregation and especially of our Pastor, who is a rock in our community. He's a tall, physically fit as well as sage man, though it's hard to tell how old he is because with his bald head, somehow it makes it hard to know, and it never seemed to come up. After the incident, the Pastor started spending time with Rob's wife and daughter, and providing them with guidance and support. She seemed to recover quickly with his help, and, actually, he practically moved in to Rob's house, and providing emotional support for Maggie and being a father figure to Chastity.

Rob had disappeared completely, no one could reach him by phone or email or text messages, and it was suspected that he was on the run, as the authorities had conclusive evidence that he had tried to rape his daughter so there was no doubt he would go to prison where I hear they are very harsh on people who rape young women. He had to stay out of the U.S., and that was maybe for the best, even though many wanted seeing him brought to justice. The fact was that his reputation had completely reversed. Before he and his family left the U.S. to go on their annual trip to help people in need, we all knew Rob to be an upstanding Christian man in a perfect marriage with a gorgeous wife and a beautiful daughter. But after the trip when the video came to light, and the Pastor explained to us all at a Sunday sermon what the circumstances were and how Rob had been hiding an evil in his heart all these years, Rob's reputation went completely the other way.

Rob did bring it all on himself, and yet, this is where I confess to you something that I haven't confessed to anyone else. Something I dare not confess to anyone! A secret I keep in my heart, and I dare not utter a word of it to anyone in my community, especially the church community! The truth is, part of me understands something about Rob, because I too have these dark feelings that sometimes I worry I can't suppress any more. I know Rob's life, because I live it too. We went to the same Bible study class and school, we both were taught by The Pastor, and we both were raised with very strict beliefs about sex and masturbation. I know how great the tension is inside of me, and how much it must have been for Rob. We were close friends, our families often got together for barbecues, but we never spoke about it, but I understood him as I'm sure he understood me.

Which is how I know the lust he had inside him and how he must have felt looking at his daughter, as she grew to be a woman, and when she turned 18 he couldn't take it anymore. Chastity was so beautiful, her body so tempting that it would be very hard for any man to resist thinking of her in lustful ways. She has huge, round, firm, breasts on a fit, curvy, long legged body, and a face that must have been created by God Himself! She had bright blue eyes and long blond hair that gave her an angelic appearance that was popular in our community. I confess I often thought of fucking Rob's daughter! My best friend's daughter! I wanted to own her for a night, just one night, and do everything that a man can do to a woman! I wanted to fuck my best friend's perfect, fuckable, hot and sexy daughter!

And not just my best friend's daughter! But many of my friends daughters! And many of my friends wives! I don't know how it is that God has blessed our community, but, it seems that each woman is more gorgeous than the last! All of them with firm, fit, youthful bodies with perfect skin and faces suited to modeling! Which, many of them do. And, just being healthy and attractive is one thing, but all of these women have been blessed by God with huge distracting boobs that no man can resist staring at! Huge, round, firm yet bouncing, buoyant, jiggling, and seem to never sag! Perfect tits! Each and every one! No healthy man living in our congregation would be able to avoid lustful thoughts about ANY of these women, and I know that I, and I'm sure every man, in our congregation thinks lustful thoughts about ALL of them.

My wife is no exception, she is as gorgeous or more than any of them. She has striking blue eyes and luxuriant, thick, jet black wavy hair that goes down to the small of her back. Maybe more than any of the other women, though, she likes to flaunt it. She wears tight, skimpy clothing, striking make up, and high heels. I've literally seen men bump into street lights and poles as they stare as she walks by, and even cars crash into each other. She's like an embodiment of sex in woman form, created by God himself to drive men wild. She likes to flirt, and she often goes out with various men that she meets, and I'm sure all of those men end up very disappointed, because she doesn't have sex with them.

I know this, because she is my wife, and WE don't have sex! I think most men would find this shocking, men who aren't as devoted Christians as we are. But the church Katie and I go to, the one led by The Pastor, does not compromise on spiritual purity the way a lot of modern churches do. We gladly make the choice of not giving in to the sin of lust for one short lifetime so that we can have an eternity in God's glory. When you think of it that way, it seems an easy choice! But the reality is so difficult! Especially in my case! My wife and I believe, as does everyone in our congregation, that sex is only for procreation, and that's the only sex Katie and I have had. At the Pastor's urging, we got married young, and we began the work of having children right away. When we had sex, though, Katie would wear a large, loose fitting pajama dress that she would pull up just enough for me to enter her, but it would cover most of her body. Not to mention we would only have sex with the lights out. I could feel the warmth and softness of her skin, but that was all. I would be too inexperienced to control myself, and even with all the efforts to try and minimize my stimulation, I would ejaculate quickly, so the sex didn't last long.

It was the absolute bare minimum essential of sex in order to have children, so I don't even feel dishonest saying that I haven't REALLY had sex. Most certainly not in the way that most of secular society things of it. After Simon was born, Katie confessed to me in one of our usual counseling sessions with The Pastor that she didn't really want sex, that it was an affront to The Lord anyway. That was a difficult time in our marriage, as I was younger then, and I found it harder to accept that being a good Christian meant never having sex with my wife. Even though in my heart I knew it to be true because The Pastor had taught us directly from the Bible and showed us how sex would keep us out of heaven. I made up my mind that I was willing to make the sacrifice of not having sex in this short life of ours in order to have an eternity of bliss in God's Glory. But just because I had made my my mind and I knew it was the best course for my soul didn't mean my body and flesh lost their urge for sinful desires. Far from it. The more I resolved to abstain from sex, the more it seemed my body pushed for some kind of release.

And this is how I understand Rob. Just like him, I am surrounded by gorgeous women, and sleep beside an immaculate woman every night in my bed. And yet, just like Rob, I do not have any release for all the thoughts these women, especially my own wife, inspire. I feel the incredible urges inside me, and so, I know it to be an uncrossable line that when something snapped, it was his own daughter that he tried to have sex with, but, I confess to you, from as deep a place as I can possibly confess, I understand, and I think if I were in his place, if I had a daughter who looked and acted like Rob's daughter Chastity did, I might have lost control and tried to fuck her too! And if you can't imagine crossing that line, then you can't imagine the tension Rob and I have inside after a whole life of no sex and constant temptation! And I fear that it only gets more and more as time goes on!

After I saw the video I knew that I was at risk, and I worried what I might do. Might I attack my own wife and force her to do things she did not believe in? Might I lose control and attack one of my friend's wives or daughters? Someone else in the congregation? I had to do SOMETHING.

So, I went to the Pastor with my wife, and I confessed in front of both of them my fears. The Pastor has a policy of uncompromising honesty, so he made me confess specific details of which women in the community I wanted to rape, and what exactly I would do to them. I felt so ashamed of myself confessing it all, but they said they needed to know everything, and I trust them completely.

At first, they were adamant that I had to stay strong, but, and they tried to suggest ways I might be able to continue abstaining from masturbation. However, I practically begged to be allowed to have sex with my wife, for fear of what I might do otherwise. They could see that something had to give and then with the help of the Pastor, we came up with a compromise.

The Pastor said, "Well, Steve, of course the ideal is to never defile your body for any reason, but, it would be acceptable to The Lord for you masturbate if it was NOT done for you to service your own body. If you were masturbating for your MARRIAGE, to do it FOR Katie, just to keep your lustful thoughts down so that Katie did not have to sacrifice her own purity, and it would save your marriage, I know God would accept that."

"I think that's a good idea," Katie said. "But I don't want to feel like I have to respond every time Steve has his urges, which seem to be often. I think it should be me who decides when he gets to masturbate, so that we can be sure it's for our marriage, and not for him to just act on his urges."

"Good idea Katie," The Pastor said, "I'm still a little concerned about Steve letting his lusts take control, so maybe you can do something to help set the tone. Some Christian churches have a concept of self flagellation, the idea of a little punishment to make up for sins. I think that would help here. You could do a lot to help Steve's soul by punishing him a little during his little masturbation sessions."

"Punish him how?" Katie said, and I noticed she was sitting up straight, her breasts pushing outward on her tight black sweater with the shoulders cut out. She looked like she was more than a little interested in the topic of punishing me. She asked, "Verbally, or physically?

"Both," The Pastor said. "I mean, I'll leave it to you to decide what you think it appropriate. The important thing is that YOU, Katie, are comfortable with how it's handled."

"May I ask to masturbate, if I feel I really need to?" I asked. A part of me felt that something was wrong, that surely it should be humiliating for a man to have to ask his wife permission to masturbate, and to ask in front of another man! But, I knew that sometimes in the service of the Lord, we have to face up to some awkward circumstances and push through to see His plan revealed.

"You may ask," Katie said, and then with a smile and giggle she said, "But, I'll decide if you're allowed. Also, if I tell you to masturbate, you better not say no. If you turn down an opportunity, then I'll know you don't really need it, and who knows when I'll permit it again." She laughed, and so did the Pastor, to make light of it, but, I knew that she really meant it. I felt strange, agreeing to what was essentially being sexually dominated, but I knew that Katie and the Pastor were trying to save my soul while also help me not snap like my best friend Rob did!

"Alright," The Pastor said, "I think we have an acceptable compromise. Steve, will you excuse Katie and I for a little while. I think you've given Katie a lot to process, and I think I should counsel her privately for a little while."

I said, "Of course, Pastor!" and got up to leave the room. I closed the heavy door behind me, and not a lot of sound got through that door, but I could hear them laughing heartily. I was happy to know, as I always had been, that my wife had such good counsel with someone she could get along with so well and that I could trust. Often times, before or after I met with the Pastor with Katie, she would meet him before or stay after to have extra discussion with him, and I noticed she always felt so much better after. He was a wise and good man, and I'm sure our marriage would have been so much more difficult without him. The Pastor's office was in a church, and I went down to sit among the pews and pray and reflect, which I often did while the Pastor and my wife spoke, which often was for 40 minutes but could be an hour, or even more!

At first, I felt that this little loophole in our abstinence from sex saved our marriage, kept us pure for God, and would stop me from going insane like my best friend Rob did. And to be honest, I came to love Katie more for the way she punished me. Although she turned out to be very effective at chastising me, often making me feel outright humiliated and embarrassed while I masturbated, and was very strict about paddling and whipping me, I can't imagine it was easy for her to hurt me like that. But she persevered in order to save my soul, and in no time she was so good at playing the part that if I didn't know that she was just doing it for my benefit. Katie was always a slightly dominant in our relationships, making decisions for us, so I guess that made it a little easier for her to take on the role of mistress.

Katie decided that when I masturbated, I would get on my knees in front of her, and spank off while she told me I was disgusting. She bought this large, long thin wooden paddle with holes in it that helped it swing through the air. She would paddle me a little before, a little during, and then sometimes after. Especially if I accidentally got any of my sperm on her expensive super high heeled shoes! I noticed that she liked to dress extra sexy for me when I masturbated, I think because she wanted to make sure it was her I was thinking of. Which, of course, it was. With a woman like Katie standing in front of you, her long powerful legs standing apart in an authoritative stance, towering over you, looking up at the bottom of her large firm breasts, no man would be able to focus on anything else!

I thought this would be the key to saving our marriage and keeping me sane. Alas, it turned out not to be! After a few weeks, maybe a couple months or so, I think my sexual drive started to go up, not down! I started to look forward to Katie paddling me, to jerking in front of her perfect body and cumming at her feet! I wanted it and would feel such disappointment when she denied me, and such joy when she said it was time. Now that I had a little sexual outlet, my body wanted more! I became even MORE frustrated inside, more desperate to be with my wife! And this from a man who has almost forty years of no sex at all!

I wondered then, was this what happened to my best friend Rob? Maybe he didn't just snap one day and try to rape his sexy daughter because he had been denied any outlet for too long. Maybe he was trying to find release, and was doing something like I was doing, masturbating, or maybe even having sex with Maggie, he wife, and that only made him more and more a slave to his sexual desires! If that was true, maybe I was doing exactly the WRONG thing!!

I went to the Pastor at his office in the church, this time without Katie. I explained to him my fears. Then I asked, "Pastor, I know that your counsel is sacred and you would never share anything that you spoke of with someone, but, can you tell me anything at all about whether or not Rob might have been doing anything different before he," I didn't want to say anything more, but the Pastor finished my thought for me.