51. Chotchkies Parking Lot -- Honeymoon Day #3 -- Early Afternoon
"Why don't you start by telling me why on earth you two are dressed like this?" Officer Ramirez asked as he squinted his eyes at Linda and me. We were handcuffed outside of Chotchkies in the parking lot being interrogated by two police officers. One of the officers was sitting inside a patrol car clacking away at some sort of bulky computer. Officer Ramirez was the one interrogating us. I knew his name because it said Ramirez on his uniform. The lunch crowd was shuffling out of Chotchkies and staring at us as they walked by. We stuck out like sore thumbs with Linda's bee outfit and heels and my porn stache, aviators, and sailor hat. Yes, I had reaffixed the fake moustache to my upper lip in hopes no one I knew would recognize me. If I were to see two people being questioned by the cops dressed like we were currently, I'd assume it had something to do with some seedy prostitution deal.
Before I could answer, Linda responded, "You're really going to drill us over something stupid like this? Look we were on a date and decided to dress sexy. Who wouldn't want to get stung by a sexy honeybee or boned by a raunchy sailor? Have you ever worn your uniform on a date? Because I bet it'd be a real turn on for your lady friend. You should try it. Anyways, this situation isn't too complicated, Officer. I got a boner and my boyfriend wanted to give me blowie in the Chotchkies backroom. Y'know, its extra sexy doing it back there because you never know whether someone might walk in on you."
Officer Ramirez shook his head before replying, "This is a place where people bring their families to eat at. What the hell is wrong with you two?"
"Hey, it's not like we were doing it in the customer bathroom," Linda snapped. "There's only supposed to be employees back there."
"So, you knew you were trespassing then?" Officer Ramirez asked before his face grew into a wide grin as he placed his hands on his side. Officer Ramirez walked back over to the other officer and whispered something. I couldn't make out what they were saying but I believe I heard the phrase indecent exposure leave one of their mouths.
"You're not helping us by talking to the cops," I whispered to Linda as my eyebrows drew together and my lips pursed. "You kind of fucked us there."
Linda thrust her chest out as she nodded decisively. "We were already fucked on a trespassing rap," she whispered back. "No doubt about this. We're not beating this shit in court. Might as well just admit to it and hope these cops aren't going to be assholes about it. The court's not going to give a fuck that we trespassed at Chotchkies. What we don't want is to get booked into jail."
"I thought I heard one of them say indecent exposure," I whispered as my brow wrinkled and I bit down on my lower lip.
"Oh shit, y'know what that means," Linda whispered before quickly clamping her lips down and looking away from me. "We're both going to have to register as sex offenders together." Linda laughed. "Fucking relax. They're not going to charge us with that shit. If they do it'll get tossed. It has to be intentional, the exposure. Trust me, I have had experience with this law. That's why I told my little story making it clear we were just being reckless is all. It was reckless. I didn't intend for that bitch to walk in on us like that."
Officer Ramirez walked back over to us. "Ok, I have good news and bad news," he said as he adopted a serious demeanor. "The good news is that Chotchkies doesn't want to press charges. You're just being trespassed from the premises. I'm going to give you both a copy of the trespass order. You have you sign a form acknowledging you received it."
I felt a lump in my throat as I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "And... the bad news?" I asked.
"Oh, well for you there is no bad news," Officer Ramirez nodded his head towards me before turning to Linda. "Your little friend here though has a warrant out for his arrest. We're going to have to book him into jail on the warrant."
Linda gritted her teeth as her hands balled up into fists. "You're seriously going to take me to jail?" she asked in a raised voice as a sneer formed on her face. "Ok, what jail are you going to take me to? That men's jail next to City Hall? You might want to give them a call first. You see, last time I was there it resulted in at least two lawsuits. If you think they're going to let you just drop me off there you've got a real rough afternoon ahead of you. I hope you just started your shift, officer, 'cause we're going to be spending the next several hours together while you desperately try to find somewhere, anywhere that will take me."
I could see more than a few eyebrows raised as the lunch crowd continued to pass by us in the parking lot in earshot of Linda's angry rant. I made sure my aviator sunglasses were pulled snugly up against my face.
Officer Ramirez let out a heavy sigh before yelling over to the parked patrol car. "Hey, that warrant. Was it a felony or misdemeanor?"
"Misdemeanor!" the other officer yelled from the inside of the patrol car.