Chapter Three - Orbiting The Flame
I'm on the edge of a steep, dark, powerful abyss.
We spend our lives dimly aware of the abyss, but we are dull to its presence. We don't look at it directly. Politely, we pretend it isn't there, but we all feel its pull, some more than others.
The abyss colours every one of our interactions. It's the knowledge that all human relationships are fundamentally about power, about the allocation of scarce resources - money. Prestige. Sex.
Just think of the language you and I use every day. Do you see the shades of meaning when you say someone walks all over you? What about being brought to heel, or kept on a short leash?
Then there's being someone's simp, or orbiter, or smitten. Being under someone's thumb. Being a bitch. Being bossed around. If something doesn't go your way, you're getting screwed. If you need to relax, you put your feet up. To show your submission, you place something at someone's feet. If a girl owns you, you're whipped.
We have more expressions to describe coercion and power imbalances than we do pretty much anything else. And I haven't even gotten to the actual sex jargon yet...
Think of all the cultural signifiers we're exposed to. A conqueror treads nations underfoot. How many times have I seen that in school books, growing up?
Girls who are rivals catfight for supremacy. That's not limited to the realms of porn - even family friendly movies will toy with the concept.
This is the abyss. The lurking knowledge, just at the edge of our perception, that we are a hierarchical species. That at any given time, we find ourselves under other people's power, and occasionally have power over others.
And on some level, that we are drawn to this concept of inequality and humiliation... like moths to a flame.
When I began this journey, when I first bought Holly's set of foot pics, I was consumed by curiosity. I wanted to understand what made fetishists tick. I didn't realise it at the time, but I, too, was drawn to the flame. Why would someone voluntarily debase themselves at another human's feet?
Well, now I know: fetishists are people who stare unblinking into the abyss, and think, cool!
As I scurry around the kitchen like a humble servant, preparing dinner for the Sole Monarch coming to visit me later tonight, I realise the description fits me more and more with every passing day.
I don't like cooking meals for Frank, and he knows it too. Combined, we have more than enough money to order food online or eat out. If we don't do either, the meals are his responsibility. I don't like to leech off him, but I do like to be pampered on this one aspect of everyday life.
Well... you wouldn't know that by looking at me now. The gentle stir fry I'm preparing requires keeping track of more spices than I can count, making sure the rice is just right, preparing the sauce carefully so that the meat isn't too dry, but just damp enough to meld with the rice afterwards.
I've been at it for hours. This is what Holly has reduced me to: a servant in my own home. And her of all people, Frank's ex wife! What does that say about me, as a woman? Who would willingly debase herself like this, admit an older rival's superiority, embrace it with such zealous, slavish submission?
A lesbian cuck pet, that's who, my brain replies, and I have to stifle a moan rising from my throat.
That's what I'm talking about. How many hours of cultural exposure have gone into this mindset? How many crappy romcoms about love triangles, how many tropes about bitchy female rivalries have slowly filtered into my brain, to the point that I would identify submission to Holly as a fundamental admission that I have failed as a woman?
The abyss has a hold of me now. And I'm not complaining.
I love it.
By the time dinner's ready, the fateful hour is fast approaching. The table is set, the wine's at the correct temperature - Frank bought that bottle for us, I think with a pang of guilt - but I still feel like something's missing in Holly's royal welcome.
I'm relatively new to this world, but the internet can go some lengths to fill in for experience - you'd be shocked at how thorough WikiHow is when it comes to some stuff! So I make a decision. Still wearing my apron from the kitchen, in my humble flats and housewifey dress, I get down to my knees before the door.
And I wait.
I do have to get up when the buzzer rings, of course - which makes me chuckle, and takes something away from the poetry of the servant's humble wait - but then I return to my knees as Holly climbs the stairs up towards my apartment.
I don't need to stand when it's time to open the door, though. I can reach the handle from down here. How fitting.
At long last, my Sole Monarch appears before me. And I gasp, as she takes my breath away.
Seen from down here, she's beautiful. It just feels so right. Everyone should have to look up at her from a kneeling position.
Especially cuck girls like me.
I am the moth, and she is the flame. Her red hair frames her clever green eyes like a royal crown, and where I first saw a slightly chubby girl, I now see a sculptor's work of elegant curves and wiry strength. Everything about her is regal, from the shape of her calves to the width of her hips.
And she knows it.
Holly stands on the threshold, looking down at me like I'm a bug to be squashed underfoot. Then she speaks, snapping me out of my reverie.
"Bow."
"Yes, Miss Holly," I say, breathless, and I launch myself forward with such energy that I nearly lose my balance. I lie prostrate at her feet, forehead pressed against the cold ground, waiting upon her pleasure.
It's definitely not my first time being under someone, in terms of power. As I was saying, we all dance around the same abyss. It's the first time I'm fully cognizant of a power imbalance, however, and the first time I can experience the thrill that comes with humiliation in all its addictive glory.
It's the first time I'm kneeling before someone.
It's such a... peculiar experience. Humbling. Redefining who I am as a person, in a way. I instantly feel less self-absorbed, more acutely aware of my limits. I'm only human, after all. That means I can be tamed and domesticated, subjugated and dominated.
And here is someone stronger, strong enough to break me in and train me.