Steve double checked his messages. There was Mary, texting that she and the kids had boarded the plane and that she'd do her best to text him close to when they landed.
She'd been nice about the whole thing. Said it would only be a month or so. ...Just to clear their heads. To reassess what it is each of them needs in this relationship.
Steve had never really understood what it was he wanted out of life. People talked all the time about their passions, their desires... maybe he was punished one too many times as a child for wanting anything at all. How could he have chased his when his survival depended on absorbing his father's will as his own?
Fuck. He was spiraling again. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Moving on. New thought.
Good. Caught it before that ruined his night.
Moving on.
The covers of the king sized bed were warm and silky, his pyjamas a soft crushed velvet with silk lining. To the side of the bed sat an antique dinner tray that Steve had found in an internet group a few months ago. On the tray was a large bowl, a heavily frosted cake, a box of custard, and a fruit pie.
He placed his phone gently on the bedside table, and then rummaged in the drawer until he pulled out his favourite modestly-sized toy.
His breath was getting shaky as the reality of Steve's indulgence grew near.
To Steve's remembering, the first time he'd caught wind of his unnatural urge was as a very young boy. He didn't have the words to conceive his experience until many years later. Still, though the memory is blurry like a touch-worn photograph, he can remember the cool and slimy sensation of the mud seeping through his socks and consuming his foot.
He was too young at the time to know that sitting himself in the puddle would lead to trouble. He only knew that the sun was hot and the mud was cool and it tickled gently when he plastered it on top of his head and mashed it with clumsy fingers through his locs.
The way he was torn to shreds with words and beaten bloody with a switch later that afternoon fried his brain in some twisted way that cursed him in a way he couldn't cure.
***
With trembling hands, Steve first drew the bowl into his lap. It was filled 3/4 full of chocolate pudding, and he could feel a gentle heat from the bottom, from microwaving the substance earlier.
Tentatively, he put a finger into the pudding and slowly brought it to his lips. He hoped for a drop to escape his finger, but the coating stayed intact on its way to his mouth. Warm chocolate, smoothed over his tongue and he let out a soft and relaxed moan.
Ever so slowly, Steve pushed the blanket down his legs, bunching around his feet. His heart was pounding so hard he could hear it thrumming in his ears. His stomach felt almost sick with the thread of anticipation pulled so taut. He had spent so long fantasizing about this... making a mess so thorough and large that to clean it up was unimaginable. To ruin himself so thoroughly that he couldn't go back.
Well, maybe a bit of an exaggeration as he still had to go to work on Monday, but he pushed the thought away before it could stop him.
He grabbed the bowl with both hands. Time slowed as he tilted the heavy bowl forward, the lip of the bowl inching downward and the pudding sliding slowly towards the edge under the force of gravity. His heart pounded and his dick hardened, pressing against the solid warmth of the plastic container.