Dear Olive,
I'm not waiting for you. You took something from me that I'll never get back, but the rest of my life belongs to me. I don't forgive you, but I won't let you be my problem either. You think you are superhuman. Has it ever occurred to you that you are, for all your great power and ability, missing the one thing that makes a person, a person? You probably think, after tasting your heavenly nectar, I would swear off all others. But maybe you were just the beginning. Maybe you woke an ancient desire in me that even my ancestors had forgotten, and now I'm doomed to wander the Earth in search of satiation. I really hope you're proud of what you have done to my poor, mortal frame.
-Goldmund
After putting on shorts and a t-shirt, I went down to the dining hall to see if anything was edible today. Before leaving, I decided to pocket Janell's sock. Not sure why, just had a feeling. I didn't touch Olive's socks, which she had left crumpled in the corner of my room when she left last night. Knowing her, she would probably come to me unannounced to get them back. Or, more likely, to leave more clothes on my floor.
The dining hall was nearly empty. It wasn't very big, about the size of a high school cafeteria, with square wooden tables dispersed throughout. On the side near the floor-to-ceiling windows was the soccer player's table, consisting of 5 or 6 smaller tables connected, right beside the window. Every night after practice, they ate like they were in Valhalla, an eternal cycle of feasts, games, and battle. Today, it was empty, since most people were either hungover, or cramming for their final exams. Near the back, where they had put in a small booth last year, I saw Jesse, and headed towards her table once I had gotten some food. I sat down in one of the chairs across the table from the booth Jesse sat in.
"Hey." She said, not looking up from the journal she was scribbling something down in. She was wearing the same black sleeveless band tee from yesterday, and bright yellow shorts I could barely see from under the table. She wore black athletic socks pulled to her calves and her signature old converse shoes.
"Hey." I said, wondering if Kate had said anything to her about what she had seen last night.
She shut her journal, and looked up as she brought another forkful of food to her mouth. "So..." She said between bites "You and Kate." We made eye contact, and her face mirrored the strange look I felt myself giving her. She sat back, looking perplexed. With a reaction like that, I guessed Kate hadn't told her the details. But, even if Kate hadn't said a word to her, she knew something was up. "What's going on with you two?" She complained, crossing her arms.
I focused on my food for a minute, while inwardly my mind raced to find a way out from under her unrelenting, questioning gaze. I had never successfully hidden anything from her before, but there's a first time for everything, right? "Dude, I'm not sure. She's been acting strange ever since the party the other night. I was hoping you could tell me what's been going on." A heap of lies, mixed with a dash of truth. I waited, trying to seem nonchalant, to see if she would take the bait.
"You really don't know?" She asked. "She came to my room last night. If I told you what state she was in, I would be betraying her trust. I won't tell you what she said either. But I think you should probably talk to her."
"What are you, her messenger?" I said pointedly, still sore about what Kate had said last night.
Jesse just looked a little disappointed. "Oh Goldmund..." She said, looking back to her plate. Suddenly she looked up, and made an effort to smile. "Look, we should be enjoying our last week in this shithole." She put her shoes up on the chair next to me, the toes of her two little converse shoes just reaching the seat.
I stayed quiet, but relaxed a little, glad for the change of subject. Whatever Kate had said, she definitely didn't tell Jesse about what she saw Janell doing to me. Otherwise, she would have been freaked out for sure. Taking the escape route she had offered, I asked "So, what are your plans for today?"
Jesse had finished eating, and was nibbling on a cookie she had gotten from the dessert stand across the room. "Well, there's that concert tonight, but if I'm being honest I'll probably just smoke and walk in the woods behind campus."
"Shit, the dance concert! I'd love to see what they've been working on." I said. To tell the truth, I couldn't give less of a shit. But I knew Janell would be there, and I wanted to talk to her. Of course, I didn't want to expose her in public any more than I wanted to be exposed. But I felt we might have some kind of understanding between us after what happened. Even if it was all orchestrated by Olive, it must have meant something, right?
Jesse shrugged as we started picking up our dishes to leave. "Yeah, you might convince me to go." She said with a touch of irony. "If you're willing to go on a little adventure with me." she said, looking around jokingly for eavesdroppers, despite there being no more than four or five students in the entire dining hall.
"Is that so?" I said, straightening my back to push out my chest, and grabbing the straps of my backpack, as if bracing myself for a long journey. "Lead the way, lady."
"Who the fuck are you calling a lady?" Jesse cut her eyes at me, dead serious, as we put our plates at the window to the dishwasher. "If I'm going to be your guide into the unknown, from now on you will call me Colonel Jesse, and show some respect. I do not tolerate insubordination."
As we walked out of the dining hall, I said, "Yes, Colonel." standing at attention in the doorway that faced in the direction of Jesse's dorm room. We made our way to her hall, and up the stairs to the sixth floor, where she had a small room with a small window squeezed into the top of the wall. She had a black cat named Ramses, that kept to himself in the corner with the scratching post. Jesse opened her closet, and pulled out a bubbler and a grinder. She took several buds of weed, ground them, and carefully packed the bowl. We smoked, Jesse laughing at how easily I was reduced to a fit of coughing, while Ramses paced the floor nervously.
Laying on Jesse's bed with our backs to the wall, we stared ahead of us into the smoke-filled room. We talked about professors, pet theories we had about different students, and what we were going to do after graduation. Soon we were both pretty high. I saw Jesse turn her head to me out of the corner of my eye. "Hey." She said, somewhat suggestively. A bit surprised and confused at her tone, not quite joking enough to be normal, I turned my head to meet her gaze.
"What?" I asked, wondering if my mouth was actually curling into a smile, or if it was just the weed making it feel that way.
