Wild Card:
The sound of my wife's laughter woke me.
I'd fallen asleep on my easy chair in the middle of the fourth quarter when our team was up 27 to zip and almost everyone had already left the party. Blowouts are pretty boring.
My wife Viv and I always host parties during playoff games when our team makes it to the post-season. I was the biggest football fan in the office and I also had the biggest TV and organized the betting pool, so it made sense that I would host. Most years, Viv and I only had to organize one or two parties--our team hadn't been to the Super Bowl since the nineties.
When Viv's laugh woke me, I saw that the living room was empty except for Viv and Mark. They were sitting close together on the couch. I wanted to ask what was so funny, but I was still pretty drunk from the tequila and I gave up trying to form the words and fell back asleep.
Mark had been the one who'd brought the tequila--an expensive brand called Coronado--and it tasted so good I wound up drinking four or five shots of the stuff.
Most of our guests brought some sort of gift, but Mark was the first to ever bring hard liquor. He and I were the only ones who drank any of it though, most of the people from work are pretty boring. But Mark was in the shipping department and, at 28, he'd been the youngest guy at the party.
He was probably in the best shape too. He was strong from loading and unloading boxes all day and he had a full sleeve of tattoos down his right arm. He was a different breed than us office drones.
What you need to know about Viv is that she's out of my league.
Her background is Venezuelan and she has a beautiful face with a broad, easy smile and eyes that exude warmth. She's curvaceous, tall and very outgoing, some might even say flirty. She's a young 47, five years older than me, and when people meet her, they're usually surprised that she's my wife.
I'm pretty average in disposition and appearance--I think it's the general consensus that the most interesting thing about me is that I somehow wound up married to Viv.
Some time must've passed because I became vaguely aware that there was a singing competition on the TV. I wanted to turn the volume down so I fought through the tequila haze to open my eyes and lift my head.
The only light in the room was coming from the television and I looked over to see if Viv was still on the couch. I wasn't sure what I was seeing at first and it took me a moment to sort it out. Viv was leaning back against the armrest and Mark was kissing her passionately and had one hand going down the front of her pants, which were open. She was grinding into his hand.
I was shocked, but I didn't make a sound. I didn't want them to know I'd woken up.
I wondered what the hell was wrong with me--I should've been furious, but I was too engrossed in what was happening on the couch to feel any anger. The blatant offense against my house, my marriage, and my manhood was outrageous but strangely compelling. It was as if everything I'd done in my life had led to that moment.
My wife groaned and arched her back. I slowly leaned over the edge of my chair to get a better look.
I realized, with embarrassment, that I was the aggrieved husband in this situation and yet I acted more like a voyeur. My wife lifted her knees up, and I had to lean farther out of my chair to see Mark's hand moving inside her underwear.
What was happening was painfully and tantalizingly clear: Mark was bringing my beautiful wife to orgasm.
I was getting close too, even though I hadn't touched myself. My wife and I were right on the edge when I leaned out a little further and dropped right off the chair onto the floor with a thud.
I looked up and saw that the lights were on. The fall had woken me up for real. Viv came in from the kitchen with a dishrag over her shoulder. "What happened?" she asked. "Did you fall off your chair?"
I laughed at myself. "Yeah," I said, "I was having the craziest dream."
"You drank too much tequila," she said. "You need to go to bed."
"When did Mark leave?"
"About 20 minutes ago," Viv said. "Why?"
I stood up. "I dreamt that he was making out with you on the couch," I said.
Viv giggled. "Looks like you must've enjoyed the show," she said.
I looked down and saw that my shorts were tented out in front. "You and Mark DID look pretty cozy on the couch."
"Oh. Well...." she shrugged. "He was just being silly."
She turned and went back into the kitchen while her words rang in my ears. 'He was just being silly.' Meaning he'd tried something.
I entered the kitchen. "What do you mean?" I asked her. "What happened?"
She started putting dishes into the dishwasher. "Oh nothing," she said. "I just think Mark was a little drunk too."
"Why do you say that? Did he do something?"
She didn't make eye contact as she continued loading the dishwasher. "He just tried to give me a little kiss," she said. "I told him he'd better go home."
I couldn't help but notice that Viv's nipples were sticking out. She was wearing a tight top and a thin bra. Her nipples got hard when she was cold or sexually excited, and it was not cold in the kitchen. "Did you laugh?" I asked.
"What?" She was still avoiding eye contact.
"When he tried to kiss you--did you laugh?"
"Yes," she said. "It was funny. I mean come on, I'm old enough to be his mother."
"You liked it!" I said.
"Oh please!" She passed me and went into the living room.
I followed her and watched her collect some empty beer bottles. "Look at you. Your nipples are hard as diamonds," I said.
She sighed and finally looked me in the eye. "Well I mean... It was flattering I guess, but he was just drunk. Besides, when you woke up from your little dream, your teeny-peeny was all stiff, what about that huh?"
She passed me and went into the kitchen and I followed. She tossed the empties into the recycling bin and began wiping down the counter with her dishrag. As far as I could tell the counter was already spotless.
"I'm just trying to figure out what happened exactly..."
"You said in your dream I was 'making out' with Mark." She glanced down at my still-tented shorts. "THAT is a strange reaction."
I could feel my face turn red. "You weren't just making out," I said. "In my dream, he had his hand down your pants."
She put the dishrag back over her shoulder and turned to face me, headlights beaming. She bit her bottom lip, stepped toward me and put her hand on my crotch. "You know who he reminds me of?" she asked.