Now this was the best part. The rhythm, the feel, the vibrations- god it felt good. Imagine the most static, heated thrill of shivers running through your body right now- Do it- That is what I was feeling in that moment. Shit, I mean, I just couldn't take the awesome.
I pushed my, slightly-too-big glasses up my nose, and moved my hips to the beat of a rock song. Ah, good old mp3. I mimed to the lyrics, and played 'imagining I was famous,' in the safe space of my toilet cubicle. No one would know. No one would see. I'm still orderly, I promise.
My blonde hair bounced around my shoulders, making me feel so messy and wild that my father would be ashamed. He'd be devastated; it's true, that his only daughter would do something that looked so reckless. But I guess he would never know what I truly was like. How I hid a little red dress, and heels, in my bag every day. Just to spend my work break dancing in the toilet cubes.
I tried so hard to please my father. Dear old Daddy. I worked hard to finish my degree, paying all the fees myself, just so that I could work by his side. But he barely noticed my efforts. He said I was trying too hard to be successful, when I had to accept that, some people weren't meant to win. Still, I wanted to try. I wanted to be someone who he could respect.
Feeling the heels of my shoes tapping against the smooth tiles, I took this moment to rebel. I couldn't hear anything over the music blearing in my ears. Here, I blocked everything out, just for the beat, just for this moment. But soon it would end, and I would return to my desk, in my work clothes. Ready to take more orders from the boss; my father.
The song ended and I sighed heavily. My headphones slipped back into my bag where they belonged and I looked down at my dress. Weirdly, I felt a new urge; I wanted to see myself wearing this short little number. Certainly it would look silly, with the backdrop of a pastel-blue bathroom behind me, but didn't I deserve a moment? Just for once, couldn't I see myself for who I wasn't trying to be?
Finally, after a a long internal debate, I decided to risk a peek in the mirror. Just to see what my secret wild side really looked like, just this once. Perhaps it was a pathetic thing to desire, but I felt it desperately. I needed to see; who could I have been if I had been born into a regular family? A family whose parents loved their children exactly as they were...
My fingertips paused at the lock of the door, the gleam of its silvery handle warned me not to tease myself, but I ignored it. I closed my eyes in fear- but I shoved that baby open! Here I come reflection! Here I come-
"Wow," a voice sounded, and it was not my own. My eyes shot open to reveal a tall man standing in awe at me. He stood in the middle of the bathroom, wearing a mature business suit, and a face that told me he was just older than myself.
I blamed myself furiously in the moment- for not considering that there might be others in the bathroom- others who happened to have amazing brown eyes that made me flush deeply. What was I thinking?
"Oh," I blushed, and turned back into the cubicle, shutting the door once more. I had just showed myself, dressed like some teenage tramp, to some guy who had oddly come into the female toilets. Damn it, how would I explain this to my father?
"Summer? Was that you?" I heard him ask hesitantly. How did he know my name? - It didn't matter. All that mattered was that I had been caught. I clenched my fists at my sides. I felt my nails dig into my palms but I did not care! With all the blood rushing to my head, I tried to look at something calming- but all I could see was the stupid grubby toilet in front of me.
"I'm sorry," I spoke softly through the door, which I turned and rested my head against. The man chuckled then, which only made it worse for me. I listened for a moment to the sounds of him moving around on the other side of the cubicle. He wasn't leaving, and I was regretting so much now, not knowing how to fix this.
"Are you feeling alright?" He asked a moment later, and I wasn't sure how to answer at first. Had I not just spent 3 minutes breathing heavily behind this door, I would have said yes... but it was obvious something was wrong with me. There was always secretly something wrong with me, it's just, now someone could see it.
"No... actually, I'm not feeling myself this morning," I lied quickly, "why? Did you want something?" I held my breath, hoping he would say no.
"I was looking for you," he began, and my stomach sank, "I know it was a bit drastic coming into the female toilets for you- but well, I really don't regret it now."
I swallowed my fear and opened the door. I had to fix this somehow, I had to do something. So I stepped out and stood to face this man who had witnessed my most private moment. I was going to make this right. I was going to... not look into those eyes and lose all resolve because holly crap he was attractive!
"What are you thinking coming into the female toilets anyhow?" I tried to put on a business face, but I was afraid my little red dress was detracting from my authority. I could see already, his mouth wanted to curve into a cheeky smile, which he tried to hide.
"Well... hey, don't get worked up over it," was all he said. He looked like he was trying not to say something too, I could tell. His devious expression and scruffy hair told me I was in for a little bit of trouble, but I had no option but to deal with it. I couldn't risk upsetting my father.
"I'm not," I said as firmly as I could muster, "Do you work here?"
"Yes, I bring you your daily report every morning," he raised an eyebrow, "you Freeman women really don't pay much attention to your employees do you?"
"I don't know what you mean," I walked over to the mirror and started to wash my hands, "However, I do need to discuss something with you now." My eyes darted his way to see how he would react. He had leaned up against the bathroom wall and looked unaffected by the entire situation.
"Jay," he said.
"Jay?" I repeated questioningly.
"Yes, it's my name," he moved closer to me, "I thought it might be of some interest to you, to know who you were talking to."
"Oh," I blushed a little, "of course. Jay." I quickly dried my hands on a paper towel and turned to find him standing right next to me. Immediately I could smell the scent of his aftershave, it was a well-chosen scent, reminded me of the beach.
"I've never seen you so.. colourful, before," Jay smirked.
"Yeah about that,"-
"I won't tell," he cut me off. I looked into his eyes for some sign he was joking, but it seemed he was serious. Miraculous understanding! Wow, perhaps I was having some kind of lucky day? I turned and indulged myself into my reflection. I looked young, and rebellious. Maybe even, maybe I looked good.
"You won't tell anyone?" I repeated out of sheer surprise. I turned back to him and looked up into his brown eyes innocently. My hands swung around my back, where I gripped tightly, the ribbon tied there.