I'd been slumming for a few weeks after getting bailed out of jail by Claudia's dad. He was some high priced lawyer and she'd practically begged him to help me but at the cost of my pride and self-respect after being caught with a prostitute. After grilling me on whether or not I was in a relationship with his daughter, Maury gave me a verbal dress down. He'd asked me where I lived and when told of my Korea town digs, decided drop me off on the nearest street corner after another veiled threat about having anything to do with his daughter.
I assured Maury that his daughter wasn't my type I guess to his satisfaction because moments later I was eating the dust of his Lexus as he sped off into the night. I was pretty sure I'd never see my good friend Claudia again.
Then one Friday six months later, I got a call out of the blue.
"WHAAATS UP!!" She never waited for you to say hello. She thought yelling into the phone was funny for some reason.
"Claudia? Damn, I never thought I'd hear from you again."
"I figured my dad probably said something to piss you off and besides, a phone call goes both ways ya goon."
Turns out that she'd been seeing some accountant son of her mother's best friend or other and that things were getting pretty serious. I was truly happy for my little Jewish princess until she mentioned "returning the favor" she'd done when she'd had her father bail me out of the slammer and get the charges dropped. Seems her mother wanted things to remain rather "chaste" between Claudia and her beau going so far as to assign a chaperone on their outings together.
"So what am I supposed to do? Beat the guy up?" I was surprised when she started laughing and told me that I'd find myself back in the slammer if I beat up her cousin Bernadette.
Claudia explained that her wealthy parents rolled out her dumpy cousin to scare off potential suitors they deemed unworthy of her affections. My good friend was really into her current guy and was determined to fight fire with fire. Hence I received a virtual tap on the shoulder and was off into the night to Claudia's house.
Claudia lived in a two story condo downtown in the arts district and I'd finagled her indoor parking spot in exchange for "keeping her cousin busy" while the happy couple enjoyed the evening. Her condo had this really lived in east coast look with a lot of shelving and books which I later learned belonged to her boyfriend. She'd spent a month on my couch in-between apartments and I knew her to be an unrepentant slob as I viewed the various articles of clothing and half eaten take-out containers littering the hard wood floor.
"Thanks for everything, we've gotta go. Bernadette's entertaining herself in the den." She was dressed to the nines with a shimmering knee length black dress over her lanky frame and her beau a tall guy who somewhat resembled Greg Brady was dressed in a natty wool suit. He was taking her to see Wicked at the Pantages Theater all but yanked her out of the door giving me a slight whiff of jealousy. Whatever, I wondered if my good friend had let him in on my situation, my "Crack Addiction" as it were. I'd been barely going cold turkey the last six months keeping my fetish under wraps and self-medicating with Japanese frottage porn and honestly, Claudia's call had actually stopped me from returning to the hood to search for either Roxy or Coco and their huge, dusky bubble butts. In private, I spent a lot of time masturbating to porn and having mildly successful "dates" with a couple of non-descript women by my standards.
I opened the sliding double doors that led into the den to find Bernadette sitting in front of a large old-school projection television entertaining herself by playing Pong. Yeah, you heard it right ...Pong. There was an old school Atari 2600 jury rigged into the television console as I got my first look at Bernadette.
Viewed from the back as she sat on the couch all I could see was the back of her head and shoulders. She was definitely a larger woman but I couldn't tell if she was an actual BBW or some fat broad.
She had long ethnically curly brown hair that extended far below her shoulders and her upper torso was covered by a dull grey sweater.
"Can you speak or are you just gonna stand there burning holes in the back of my fucking head?" I was taken aback by her husky aggressive tone and felt foolish standing in the door watching the back of her head as she continued playing the primitive video game.
"Well excuse the fuck out of me ma'am; pleased to make your acquaintance."
"Have you?"
"What?"
"Have you made my acquaintance? Have you come in here like a true gentleman, introduced yourself and kissed my hand?" There was a calm, yet pushy tone in her voice and I immediately understood why Claudia wanted to ditch her for an evening alone. I didn't speak as I walked into the den getting a good look at her face for the first time. Under the unkempt mane of hair was a decidedly plain face with a prominent nose denoting her Jewish Heritage holding up really thick horn rimmed glasses. I also took notice of her somewhat thick lips and found myself wondering what they would feel like wrapped around my cock. Bernadette had a narrow elongated looking face that reminded of a female version of the Hansen brothers from an old Paul Newman movie called Slap Shot.
"So, I make the grade or what?"
"What? Oh sorry about that. I tend to zone out from time to time." I apologized as she focused on playing her game.
"You should see a doctor for that. Could be serious, I mean people drop dead all the time never knowing what fucking hit 'em. You could have a got-damn aneurysm for all you know. Hell you probably have high fucking blood pressure you know that? People of your ethnic persuasion have that problem cause of all the fried foods that you eat." She had caught me off guard with her strange rambling half-rant.
"People of my ethnic persuasion?" I was annoyed at her inference.
"You know-the colored folk...oh shit, I said something insensitive didn't I?" She had dropped the bulky controller putting her small hand up to her narrow face.
"Ya think?!!" I walked over to a little half bar in the room and began to pour myself a drink as she sat there pondering her careless words. I wasn't much of a drinker affording myself a taste only on the rarest of occasions. I'd made myself a screwdriver (Orange Juice and Vodka-Absolute with two fingers of juice for coloring and taste enhancement.) and it'd been smooth going down as I pondered whether or not I wanted to remain in the presence of this fast annoying cunt.
"Look brotha, I'm REALLY sorry about what I said. I'm kind of a got-damn spaz at times. I'm not trying to make, like a racial incident here or nothin." For the first time I think I noticed her thick east coast accent. She was staring me down something fierce from her seat on the couch and I noticed that she had a number of blankets draped across her lap. I just chalked it up to the weird nerdy vibe I was getting from Bernadette.
"It's okay SISTA; I agreed to be here didn't I?" I was already working on my third drink.
