Coming Of Age 1974

I was finally home.

I dragged my bags up the front walk and onto the porch, dug out my keys, and fumbled with the doorknob. There was a low, rumbling din of heavy equipment coming from a couple blocks away, and I could sense the faint, ugly funk of road tar—they were repaving a few streets over. The air was hot. Everything here did seem familiar, but it was somehow a little foreign; I hadn't been home in months. I felt a little like a stranger at my own house.

Door open, I tossed my bags into the front room; they hit the floor with a low thud. I went in and collapsed on the couch with a big "whoomph." I felt exhausted. It had been a long day, and it'd been a long slog getting there.

Our cat, a gray and white tabby, appeared from out of nowhere. He jumped on me and curled up on my chest. "Heya, Doofus," I said, and I spent a minute scratching behind his ears.

I was really starting to wonder, though, by that point. It was all too tranquil. Things just didn't seem normal. "Mom?" I called, lazily.

The house was oddly silent, and I started to wonder if she was even around. I was just noticing that she'd apparently added some kind of new velvety cover over the couch when I heard a voice.

"Hi."

It wasn't my mom's voice, and it wasn't her head that emerged, either; it was a girl—younger than me—poking her head around a corner, apparently to see what the racket was about.

"Uh, hi," I said, mystified. I sat up, and Doofus leaped onto the floor, scurrying away. "Um, I'm Ashton," I said to her—or at least to her face, the only part of her visible from around the corner. She was peering at me curiously. "Ash," I told her.

I had absolutely no idea who this girl was. She seemed remarkably pretty, and her smile was nice, but I didn't know what she was doing in my house. Obviously, something was going on—I'd been at school for a while, so I thought maybe my mom hired a housecleaner or an assistant or something.

"I'm Chloe," she told me, her voice somewhat quiet. "I'm, um—I take care of the baby. During the day, mostly. Right now, I am. Taking care of her, I mean."

"Oh, so my mom's not here?"

"At work," she said. "She went back to work."

That was a little weird. My mom hadn't said anything about going back, and my baby sister was only about three months old. I'd actually only "met" the baby once, on the day she was born. I'd been away at school this whole time.

"Oh, OK, so you're, like, a nanny?"

Chloe grinned; I thought she looked especially pretty when she smiled. I could still only see her head from around the corner, and she reminded me a little of the Cheshire Cat.

"Well, yeah, pretty much," she said. Her fingers played with a small clip in her hair when she spoke; she had dark brown hair that was cut short, just above her ears—I was pretty sure this was called a "pixie cut." I wasn't really a fan of short hair on girls, not usually, but somehow it suited her. Her face was so cute and elfin that the short hair made for a nice look.

"Sorry, I just didn't know—my mom didn't say anything."

"Well, I think she's been pretty busy," she said. "She started out going back to work part time and then they wanted her to come in full time and so I went full time here, taking care of Luna and everything. She's adorable, by the way." Chloe was still mostly around the corner in the hallway, still with only her head visible, and I wondered if she was ever going to move.

I started to ask myself why my mom didn't just coordinate my return with her going back to work. I mean, yeah, I'm a guy, but I could take care of my baby sister if I needed to. But, no, I had just gotten back in town, and Chloe had clearly been around for a while, maybe a few weeks or so. And in truth, I would have felt pretty insecure trying to take care of an infant, anyway. I'd never done anything like that. This girl seemed like she must have some experience. Maybe a lot.

"Well, I'm probably interrupting or something," I said. "I just got in. I didn't mean to make a bunch of noise. You're probably busy with stuff."

"No, no," she said, "you're not interrupting anything. Luna's asleep; I put her down a couple hours ago. I sort of cleaned a few things around the house and fed Doofus and stuff, but I don't really have that much to do—until the baby wakes up, anyway."

"Well, shoot, I'm just being rude, then." I tried to adopt the tone of someone more host-like, more grown up. "Come sit down. You don't have to just stand there."

"OK," she said. She was grinning, widely.

I was all but stunned as she breezed her way into the room. Chloe was tall and graceful and slender; she was wearing a light purple spaghetti-strap tank top and black jeans, and with her adorable face, she truly did remind me of a pretty elf. She appeared a lot more womanly and adult than I expected, also. There was something about the way she moved, the way she looked: she had a thin, almost wiry body, and yet she clearly had filled out and was grown up. Her ass was round and bubbly, and I liked how it shifted sensuously as she walked. Her boobs looked plump and full. They weren't huge, but she was a lot more busty than I would have expected for a girl with a slim, delicate frame. I felt mesmerized by her.

My mind went to work immediately, trying to think of the right fruit for comparison to her tits. I know, that's ridiculous, comparing boobs with fruit, but it was something I always did, a little game I played with myself, just for fun. I'd hooked up a few times with this one girl Aubrey who had nice Meyer lemons, and I'd known another girl, Georgia, whom I thought had full cantaloupes. Chloe? They looked bigger than peaches, but they weren't big enough to be called melons. (This game was so ridiculous, I was thinking to myself.) I remembered these large kind of oranges my mom liked—navel oranges. Chloe's full, proud breasts were navel oranges. That was the right size. And standing dramatically away from a thin girl's body, her oranges were alluring.

I couldn't help but be impressed with Chloe, and with her elegant presence. As she passed me, I noted a light scent, too faint to be perfume, sweet and nice. I felt like she was attacking me on all sensual fronts. I even liked her soft, silky voice, smooth and just a tiny bit scratchy. Even the way she enunciated was attractive; she was one of those girls who spoke rapidly yet perfectly, pronouncing each word precisely with apparent ease. Maybe that's an unusual thing to notice, but such natural speaking prowess made listening to her speak a pleasing, even blissful experience.

Chloe came off as slightly reticent, but it was a quiet confidence, an adult presence. This was the one thing I found unsettling about her: even though I knew she had to be younger than me, she somehow seemed years older.

I was infatuated with this girl already.

Chloe sat down at the other end of the couch, and I turned toward her, smiling. Her eyes were big and brown and captivating.

I struggled for half a second, trying to think of something to talk about. I was already wondering: could I get this girl to go out with me over the summer? I put the thought out of my mind; getting myself all wound up was a sure way to end up saying stupid, nervous things. Relax, I said to myself. You own this place. And look, it'll either happen, or it won't. I thought she might be out of my league, anyway. Just be cool, Ash. Play it cool.

"So are you in school?" I asked her, successfully managing to sound casual.

"Yeah, summer classes at Cuesta right now. I'm doing night classes a couple days a week, and day classes, too. I'm working on being a CPN—Certified Pediatric Nurse, I mean."

"Oh, really?" I wasn't just pretending; it was interesting that it was what she was studying. "So this is sort of an internship in a way, then."

I kept fighting the urge to let my eyes drop; I couldn't get over the way the swells on her chest were stretching out her tank top, and I had to battle the temptation to stare. I'd noticed small bumps on top of the swells, poking out the fabric, and so the battle was a very difficult one.

"Well, sorta, yeah. I mean, it's not official or anything." Chloe shrugged slightly. "I'm not getting course credit. But yeah, it's really good practice. Also, um—" Chloe looked slightly sheepish for some reason. "I just really love kids. Toddlers, babies. I even love two-year-olds."

At the time I didn't understand the reference to two-year-olds; I'd never heard of the "terrible twos."

"That's cool," I said. I'd almost slipped and said it was "sweet," which would probably have been a little too touchy-feely for the kind of college-dude bravado I felt I needed to keep up.

"Yeah, it's gonna take a while, though, to finish the whole thing." She was gesticulating a little as she talked; she didn't seem quite as reticent now. "I gotta get the Associate's degree first, and then there's the certification test, and it's supposed to be pretty hard. I'm already kind of studying—"

Just then, there was a startlingly loud screech that came from the back of the house. After that, a shrill, constant wail.

Chloe just smiled at me, unfazed. "That's your sister. It's feeding time again. Wanna come say hi?"

I got up with her and followed; my mom had converted her old office into Luna's nursery. We walked in—the screaming was horribly loud—and I noticed that Mom had been making improvements since I'd seen the room last. There were little decorations all over the wallpaper (tiny angels, stars, planets), and the rocking chair in the corner was new. I sat down on a small stool near the door. The room smelled like skin lotion and baby powder.

Chloe was reaching into the bassinet to pick up my sister, who was in a little pink one-piece outfit I later learned was called a "onesie." Chloe cradled the baby in her arms and was saying something to her, although with the racket, there was no way I could make out what. She held the baby's arm up and moved it gently to make her wave at me, pretending to say hi. I could see that Chloe was laughing a little, but all I could hear was the baby wailing.

She took Luna to the rocking chair and sat down, somehow managing to cradle her with just one arm. Chloe picked up a weird sort of C-shaped pillow with her free hand, and fit it around her waist to make a lap shelf in front of her. She set Luna on it; the baby just lay there, crying, red-faced, looking angry.

Chloe looked up and smiled at me for a second, and then her attention went right back to the baby, stroking her head while the howling continued. She'd said it was feeding time, and I was starting to wonder where the baby's milk bottle was. But right then, Chloe did something that completely shocked me. Honestly, nothing could have prepared me for what happened in that moment.

Casually, nonchalantly, Chloe started lifting her purple tank top. She pulled it over her head and then let it drop on the floor next to her; she was now wearing only a floral-patterned bra and jeans. The bra cups looked big and bulgy on her otherwise thin frame. I felt an instinctive thrill, now being able to see the upper part of the swells that were sticking out above the cups. I really had no idea why she'd taken her top off, but I was excited that I could see more of her.

Then, Chloe unclipped something on the strap between the bra cups, and her bra popped loose. She pulled one of the cups aside, fully baring one of her breasts.

I couldn't figure out what was happening, and I was in so much shock that I could barely think straight. I was gawking at her naked boob; it was even bigger than it had seemed when covered, full and bulbous, oblong in shape. It looked weighty, but it jutted out from Chloe's chest like it defied gravity, standing away from her.

I heard myself take a sharp breath.

Her areola was dark pink and large. Her nipple was a red swollen knot, stiff and erect. I just kept staring. I was thrilled, confused, excited, and stunned.

Chloe was leaning in toward the baby, and she lifted the C-shaped pillow a little with her knees to move it near her chest. She put her arm around Luna and pulled her even closer. Luna was right in front of Chloe's chest now, and she was still screaming. Chloe took hold of her bare breast and brushed her big nipple erection across the baby's lips. The baby's head was moving around a lot as she cried; the little mouth was a moving target.

"It can be kinda hard sometimes," Chloe said, looking up at me for a second, smiling again. She didn't seem self-conscious about her nakedness at all.

I was completely beside myself.

Chloe persisted. First she'd trace her nipple around the baby's mouth, and then she brushed the nipple head up and down over the tiny lips, and she kept alternating between doing these things. I noticed that the nipple was turning an even deeper shade of red, and swelling up even more.

The constant shrieking was making my ears ring; I could barely stand it. I was completely speechless, feeling barely conscious, just gaping at the spectacle in front of me. Chloe seemed completely calm, methodical.

Chloe's fingers started to squeeze the end of her boob, pinching the big areola. She pulled Luna's face even closer to her, so that the baby's chin was pushing into the breast, and her lips were right up against the erect nipple. All of a sudden, the baby opened her mouth really wide, and Chloe immediately pulled her firmly onto the breast. Luna fastened her mouth onto Chloe's areola and started sucking urgently.

Chloe let out a long breath and leaned her head back in the chair a bit. She laughed quietly. "It can be kind of a struggle," she said, her voice soft.

I had no idea what to say, or even to think, and I just sat there silently. I couldn't look Chloe in the eye—in a weird way, I was kind of afraid to. My eyes stayed glued to her plump breast. I felt like I had the dead stare of a zombie.

Chloe glanced my direction, and then pulled her other bra cup aside for a second, flashing me a quick look. She giggled a little. I grinned, weakly, but—what the fuck was that?! In any other circumstance, a girl flashing me her tit would have been hella exciting, but since this was a girl in my house and she had my baby sister sucking on her

other

boob, I just didn't know what to think or how to feel.

Finally, I managed to say something. "So, uh, you do this to, like, calm her down? Or are you, like, practicing for the future or something?"

"Oh, you don't know, do you?" Chloe said, smiling at me.

"Know what?" I croaked.

"Know that I'm her wet nurse."

I sat there for a second, trying to process. "Her what?"

"Wet nurse. It means I'm feeding Luna right now. I'm breastfeeding her. Wet nursing."

I felt my head shaking "no," slowly.

"Sorry, this must have seemed really like, I dunno, a

surprise

," Chloe laughed. "I don't normally take off my top in front of just

anybody

."

"Um, yeah, I didn't—"

"I just assumed that you already knew your mom was going to hire a wet nurse. I'm sorry."

I just nodded. I sat there, silently staring. I didn't know what a "wet nurse" was and really had no idea what was going on.

"So, um—" I faltered, just trying to figure out what to say, really. I was so profoundly confused. Was she somehow actually feeding my sister? "So, like, where's

your

baby? Is someone else taking care of it?" It was pretty blunt thing to say, but I was still in shock. Chloe seemed young, but she obviously had to be a teen mother.

"Oh," Chloe smiled, "I don't have a baby."

"What?"

"I don't have a baby. I've never been pregnant, even." She laughed as she made a quick "whew" gesture with her hand across her forehead. "I'm not a mother." Her hand returned to her breast, holding it to Luna's lips.

I was even more bewildered. "But wait. You just said you're feeding her right now."

"I am." She looked down at the baby and smiled sweetly. "Right, Luna? Nice little snack."

I took a deep, loud breath. "But if you've never had a baby—I mean, that's not possible."

Chloe looked up at me. She had such a pretty smile. "Sure it is. I have milk. I have lots of milk."

I sat there and shook my head, truly not understanding.

"You don't need to have a baby to make milk," she said. "Any girl can do it. It's what boobs are for. It's what they do."

I stayed silent, but the look on my face said, "Really?!"

"Yeah, this is just how a girl's body works. You stimulate your boobs and your milk comes in. Lots of massaging and pumping. I did it last year, when I started college. I want to be a pediatric nurse, like I said, and I figured if I'm gonna work with nursing moms, I should know what breastfeeding is like. I was always kinda interested in doing it, anyway." She looked up. "And now I do know—what it's like, I mean."

"So—you can just start doing that?"

"Sure." Chloe seemed amused by my male ignorance. "I mean, it wasn't like it was

super

-easy to bring it in. It took a lot of work at first, and a lot of, like, diligence. I had to do all this massaging and pumping, stuff like that. And now I've got a good supply. I'm on a drug that helps with it, but even before that, I could spray." She sounded proud.

It took me half a second or so to figure out that she meant she could spray milk. She'd never been pregnant and she could spray milk from her nipple. What the actual fuck.

She continued, "There's this program at Cuesta, the PLA, and they help you bring it in, bring your milk in. They really helped a lot. And that's how your mom found me, through them. It's a wet nursing service—and we do other stuff, too."

I was noticing how wide open the baby's mouth was. Chloe's areolas were pretty large, like I mentioned, but on the breast Luna was at, I couldn't see much of the dark areola skin at all; most it was inside the baby's mouth. Luna looked like she was feeding enthusiastically, her little mouth was working hard. It was obvious that her hunger was being satisfied. This all seemed so very bizarre to me. I wasn't fully convinced that it was even possible, except that the proof was there in the room with me.

Chloe was still cradling the baby with one arm, keeping her on the pillow, and with her other hand, she carefully held her breast to the baby's lips. Occasionally she'd stroke the top of her breast with a finger, or press on it lightly, but most of the time, she just cuddled Luna and held the boob to her mouth.

I just couldn't deal with this anymore; it was all so overwhelming. Hot, half-naked girl or not, I had to get out of the room. It was too much. All too much.

I stood up and announced that I better go start unpacking. I couldn't just sit there. I couldn't keep watching this young babysitter breastfeeding my baby sister. It was too weird, too weird. As much as I wanted to look at her pretty face and ogle her beautiful tits, the actual situation was making me really, really uncomfortable.

Chloe didn't even have a chance to say anything; I was out of the room in a couple of seconds. And then I hid in my own room—which was right next door—for the rest of the afternoon. Later, I headed out with some friends and tried not to think about what I'd seen.

---

When I got back home at around nine—it wasn't gonna be a late night for me and my friend group, because we had all just gotten back for the summer and were already pretty spent—Mom was home, and Chloe had gone.

I told her all about my bizarre discovery.

"It's what's best for the baby, Ash," she said, kindly.

"Yeah, but—it just seems so weird. Can't you just, you know, keep some of yours in bottles or something?"

She shook her head. "I could, but I just don't think putting plastic nipples in a baby's mouth is a good thing. I want everything natural for Luna, as natural as possible. And if I'm not here to feed her, having Chloe do it is the next best thing—just as good, really. She has mother's milk. She might not be a mother, but she's a grown woman and that's good enough.