Layla: An Asexual Young Woman Tries Sex...and Ballbusting, with the help of her roommates
I: Her Curiosity
Layla was 25 and asexual -- as she'd been telling her two roommates, Kait and Jasmin, for the past two years. At first they didn't believe her and thought she was just afraid of dating or sex. "It's OK to be a late bloomer," Jasmin said. "I mean, twenty-five is pretty old to be a virgin, but it's nothing to be ashamed of, sweetie."
"I'm not ashamed of anything," Layla insisted. "I told you, I'm just not interested in sex." And this was true: for as long as she could remember, she simply had no interest, zero, in romance, relationships or having sex. When some of her friends had started having sex in high school, she couldn't even imagine doing that. She hadn't even kissed a man until she was seventeen, and it just felt sort of slimy and weird and unappealing to her, even though she thought that guy was nice and smart. Then all through college she didn't have sex. She went on a few dates, feeling at times embarrassed or worried by her lack of interest, but when she was with a man she couldn't muster up the least bit of interest in having sex.
The most she'd done was let a guy touch her breasts, which felt to her like being at a doctor's office, and not very fun. That night, he'd urged her to go further, trying to unbutton her jeans, but she pushed him off and left the fraternity house quickly. After that, she never went on another date for the rest of her college years. She just studied hard, getting a degree in Biochemistry, and planning to go to a PhD program after college. Layla did have friends, and a nice social life, and overall she enjoyed her college years very much, developing strong mentee-mentor relationships with two of her professors, both of whom wrote such stellar recommendation letters that she was accepted to UCLA's PhD program.
Now about halfway through the program, she was living with two roommates, who were also her closest friends at UCLA. They'd connected through needing to share an apartment and became friends, Layla liking that they were fun and pushed her to do more than just stay in the apartment and study. Kait was getting a Master's degree in Social Work, and Jasmin was a senior, majoring in Art History, though she was already 24 because she'd taken two years to work in art museums in Europe before starting college. Both Kait and Jasmin were deeply impressed at how studious and intelligent Layla was, and how she always seemed to have good pragmatic advice. Kait considered herself bisexual, though she leaned toward men, and Jasmin was straight.
For a while, Jasmin suspected Layla was gay and calling herself asexual to avoid admitting that. Layla even wondered that herself and one night, watched some lesbian porn to see if sparked any sexual or romantic feelings in her. It didn't, though. It was sort of interesting to watch, because Layla had had no idea what gay women did in bed, but after ten minutes, she felt bored and guilty that she was wasting time that could be spent reviewing new biochemistry articles that had been published. "I mean, I knew I wasn't gay," she told Jasmin later that night as they brushed their teeth. "I do like guys and think a lot of guys are cute. And nice. Like Markus."
Layla was referring to another PhD candidate, studying molecular biology, that she often saw in the labs and would chat with, about science and academia, and also politics and music and movies and traveling, since Markus was an avid traveler whose lifetime goal was to visit every country in the world. "I just don't have any interest in having sex with those guys." Indeed, she never thought about Markus that way, never flirted back when he'd made some attempts to flirt with her, back when they first met, or wondered what it would be like to sleep with him. He was just her friend, nothing more.
"What about having kids?" Jasmin asked. "I mean, it's not the only way, but having sex is the most efficient way to do it."
Layla shrugged. "I don't want kids. I've never wanted them."
Kait came into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet: they were all comfortable with each other. "Are you guys talking about sex?"
"Or the lack thereof," Jasmin laughed. "In Layla's case, at least." Jasmin herself was almost always dating at least one guy, usually more than one, since she'd broken up with her long-distance boyfriend last year.
"So wait," Kait said, standing up and washing her hands. "Have you never had an orgasm?"
Layla blushed briefly. "No, I have. From--you know, doing it myself." She did masturbate, but very occasionally, usually when she had insomnia and thought orgasming would calm her down enough to fall asleep.
"OK, good," Jasmin said. "What did you think?"
"It's OK," Layla answered. "It doesn't feel bad. Honestly, it's not something I think about very much."
A few months passed. One night, when Layla and Kait were in the bathroom together, Kait noticed a pale blue container of birth control pills that she knew weren't hers or Jasmin's. "Oh my god! Layla! Are you having sex?"
"What?" Layla asked, still flossing.
Kait pointed to the pills.
"Oh," Layla said. "No. I've been having really bad cramps, so my OB-GYN prescribed them to see if it helps. And it does, actually. It keeps my periods regular, too."
"Oh. Well, good." Kait seemed disappointed. "Look, I don't mean to belabor the point, or invalidate your sexual orientation, but... you really aren't curious to have sex? Even once? Just to see what it's like? I mean, it's such a basic human experience."
Layla kept flossing and didn't answer for a few seconds. It was a timely question, actually, because recently Layla had indeed been feeling a little more curious. Jasmin was "seeing" a new man, and a few weeks ago, Layla had overheard her telling Kait about sex with him. It's not that Layla was "turned on" by hearing about it--she'd never been turned on by anything in her life--but something did pique her curiosity. Maybe not much different than if she was hearing someone talk about skydiving, or snowboarding, and she'd feel curious about what it was like to do those things. Or in high school when she tried marijuana because she was curious after hearing one of her friends talk about how cool it was to be high. (Layla herself had only felt tired and disoriented from smoking pot, and had never done it again.)
"I'm sorry," Kait said, touching Layla's shoulder gently. "I shouldn't have said that. You have a right to whatever choices you want to make. I guess it's just hard for me to understand what being asexual is like."
"No, it's OK," Layla replied, throwing the used floss away. "And actually, recently... I have felt a little curious, I think. I mean, I know I'm asexual, I'm not saying I feel desire to have sex or date guys. Just some curiosity. To see what it feels like. I guess it'd be silly to always wonder."
Kait looked at her friend in surprise. "Are you serious?"
"Sure. It's not a big deal, it's not like I'm obsessing over it or anything. I've just been a little curious."
"Well, we could probably help you out," Kait said.
"I mean, I'm curious what it's like to have sex with a man," Layla said.
"I know," Kait laughed.
Now that the idea was out in the open, the three roommates developed a plan over the next few days. Layla said Yes, she would have sex, just once, and Kait and Jasmin said they would help her make that happen, safely and comfortably. When Layla kept insisting she didn't want to go on dates -- she just wanted to experience what men and women did when they had sex -- Kait made the bold suggestion that she and Jasmin be there for the event. "We can help you through it, make sure everything goes well and you have a full range of experiences. I mean, if you're only going to do it once, might as well do it all and do it right, right?"
Jasmin seemed reluctant at first, but then agreed. "I mean, we're all comfortable with each other. And we can make sure that nothing happens that you don't want to happen." She was a little worried herself about the petite and totally inexperienced Layla being alone with a man.
"I'm not doing anything with--you know--my butt," Layla said. "It's gross."
"Sure," Kait said. "I like anal, but that's my preference. A lot of women don't like it. You definitely don't have to do that."