After the rather entertaining (and stimulating) evening that Anna and I spent with our neighbours Henry and Louise - and the first oysters of the new season - I had to go up North for a while.
My favourite aunt, who had been on her last legs for a few years, finally died. In her younger days, Aunt Linda had been the brain in the family. But, as the years went by, she rather 'lost it'.
My sister Jennifer lives quite near to the care home where Linda spent the last few months of her life and she popped in to see Linda every couple of days. For a while there, things went quite well. But then Linda really started to go downhill rapidly. In the final couple of weeks, she wasn't even sure who Jennifer was. 'You've got the wrong room,' she told Jennifer a couple of days before she died. 'You silly woman! Your room is on the other side of the quadrangle. Next to the post office.' (There was no quadrangle. There was no post office.)
Linda's funeral was an intimate affair. Sadly, she had out-lived her husband and most of her friends, and her only son had been killed in an accident in the First Gulf War. A couple of her former neighbours turned up to see her off, and there were a few of the staff from the care home, but that was about it.
'I think I may need some help to sort out her affairs,' Jennifer said. 'She seems to have left things in a bit of a mess. And her solicitor is not a lot of help. He seems about as loopy as she was.'
'Yeah ... well ... I dare say that you and I will be there one day,' I said. 'But, yes, I can help. Why don't I stay on here for a while, and we'll see if we can get a few things in order?' Jennifer and I have always been close. I think that she was suitably relieved.
Linda's Will specified that her estate, after all expenses, was to be divided equally between her niece Jennifer and her nephew Humphrey. So far so good. But the doddery old solicitor seemed to have difficulty grasping that Jennifer and I were the niece and nephew in question. Still, we got there in the end.
Almost a month later, we had things more or less tidied up. We even had a buyer for Linda's cottage. And, after a rather good meal at a local fine-dining establishment, I bade my sister farewell for the time being, and headed back down south to my apartment in Whitecliffs Hall. It was either that or I was going to have to give serious thought to tapping my sister. I had long had a slight inclination, and she was looking more and more appealing by the day.
When I got back down south, most of Whitecliffs Hall's other residents seemed to have wandered off to Spain or Portugal or Tuscany, or somewhere else 'over there'. I guess it was that time of the year. But, after my expedition to the north, I was content to just grab a pair of shorts and a book and go and park myself down on our little private beach.
'Ha! I hoped I would find you here. I thought you were back. Good. Excellent. In fact perfect.' It was, of course, Anna. She was wearing a sundress but, perhaps feeling a bit horny, I couldn't help but feel that she should have been dressed in some exotic undergarment.
'You know, you could probably get away with wearing a corset down here on the beach,' I said. 'Any unsuspecting person who happened to wander along would just think that it was the latest thing in open-front swimsuits.'
'You might be right,' she said. 'You might be right. I shall have to give it some thought. But to more pressing matters. I have a friend popping in for a drink tomorrow evening. I think that you might like to join us. In fact I am sure that you would like to join us.'
'Oh?'
'Usual rules. Six o'clock. Don't forget to bring a thirst.'
I wasn't entirely sure what she meant by 'usual rules', but, at six o'clock sharp, I presented myself at her door. 'A bottle of Tanqueray,' I said, handing over the distinctive green, London fire hydrant-shaped bottle. 'We always seem to be drinking yours. I thought that it was time that I made a contribution.'
'You shouldn't have,' Anna said. 'But thank you. Now ... Humphrey, let me introduce Sara. Sara ... this is Humphrey, my neighbour and ... well ... special friend.'
'EnchantΓ©,' Sara said.
Down at the beach, Anna hadn't said whether her friend popping in was male or female, but I somehow suspected that she would be female.
'As you can see, we've already started,' Anna said. And she handed me a gin and tonic made to the Anna recipe: two or three small cubes of ice, lots of gin, a slice of lemon, and just a hint of tonic. 'Cin cin.'
'Cin cin', I echoed.
Sara was quite a bit younger than Anna. She was probably in her late 20s, early 30s at most. And she was rather attractive in an understated kind of way. She was taller and slimmer than Anna, and she had dark blonde hair which she wore in a deep fringe which gave way to graceful, wispy strands that framed her pleasant face. She was dressed simply in a crisp white blouse, a mid-blue, knee-length full skirt, matching stockings, and what I suspect were rather expensive navy blue shoes.
'So, how do you two know each other?' I asked. They certainly didn't look as if the they were related. There was no family likeness that I could discern.
'Umm ... we sort of met while shopping,' Anna said.
'Shopping?'
'Yes. Online. The site that we met on had one of those little forums - or is it fora? - where they encourage customers to talk to each other. And hopefully exchange positive opinions about the merchandise. Fit. Stars out of five. Or is it ten? Anyway ... that sort of thing.'
'And did you have positive opinions about the merchandise?'
'I think so,' Anna said.
'Oh, very much so,' Sara added.
I nodded. 'One of my customers went down that track,' I said.
'One of your customers? Oh? Are you a merchant of some kind?' Sara asked.
'Umm ... no, not anymore,' I said. 'I did have a business. But I sold it. And then I moved down here.'