Author's note: This is the very long chapter 17 that I had written as a Christmas Special. It's about four times the size of the other chapters. Pour yourself a warm cup of coffee and slid under the blanket for this lovely episode.
"LUUUCY! LUUUCY! Baaaah!"
"Sshhh... I'm here... I'm here, Clara."
"Luuucy!"
"You had another nightmare? It's okay. I'm here now. Just calm down. Everything will be okay."
It has been two days since my shameful trip to the hospital. Lucy had brought me back to her small apartment near the Cakes & Pets. She said that for the time being, I wouldn't go anywhere else. Getting better would have to be my only priority, and everything else had to be put on the back burner.
This wasn't fun. After my mental breakdown, all I could do was cry and sleep. I couldn't talk anymore either, as if something inside me had broken. The outside world was the realm of confusion, and I didn't know how to think anymore.
Lucy nursed me and repeated a thousand times a day that I would need a lot of time to get back on my feet, but that eventually, I would, even though I couldn't see it at the moment. At the present time, I just had too many difficult things to reconcile with.
My unhealthy relationship with my mother had finally snapped as if a thin string had linked us and failed when we got too far apart. After this traumatic event, I had rejected everything else; the café, the petgirls, my move to the pethouse, even Lucy; I didn't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore. Being taken care of by Lucy and this deep desire to be alone was a major moral conflict, and it made me feel so awfully guilty for abusing her comforting presence.
I didn't want her to take care of me, yet she was the first person I called over when I had those nightmares. For the past two days, her life had been disrupted by my childish behavior, but no matter what, she was still there to console me. I didn't understand why she bothered doing this because my mind was no longer powerful enough to process feelings and emotions other than pain.
There was a battle raging in my soul between my demons who wanted to destroy me and the angels who were trying to protect me from them, shielding me with their lives.
"That's it, Clara, calm down. It's still early. Close your eyes and try to sleep a bit more."
***
The sun shone through the window, brightening the small room I occupied and causing me to crack my eyelids open. There wasn't much around; hung on the wall, a nice painting of a flower field with a mountain in the background, a small dresser with a few small picture frames on it, and a closet. The simplicity of this environment probably meant this was the guest bedroom.
Since my brain wasn't fully awake yet, I appreciated the warmth of the soft blanket and the cushiness of my pillow for a short moment. It was a comfortable place to be, and I let out a long sigh, knowing that my pain would imminently come back to haunt me.
"C... Clara? Are... are you awake?"
"..."
This voice coming from next to me didn't even startle me. Slowly letting my head fall to the side to see who it was, I noticed a small girl wearing a hoodie and who had her hands stuffed inside its kangaroo pocket. Her big watery brown eyes betraying her sadness stared at me intently.
She stood up and stepped forward, extending an arm to touch mine. She paused for a moment before retracting her move, as if what she had wanted to do had been prohibited. Her butt returned to the sofa and her hands to her kangaroo pocket; she lowered her head.
"Lucy said you would need time. She said you were hurt badly and that we would have to be patient. She said you probably wouldn't talk to me, but that it was okay."
"..."
"She had to go take care of the café and asked me to stay here today to keep an eye on you. She said, "Vix, you will spend the day with Clara." I... I want to... but I don't know what to do..."
It was inevitable. Even though I was doing nothing but sleeping, I kept hurting people. Vix was the sweetest person I knew, and her heart was bleeding because of me. Fortunately, I didn't have enough energy left to feel as awful as I should have been, but I didn't want to push my luck, so I just turned my head away to look elsewhere.
"Aww... Sorry... Maybe I shouldn't talk. Lucy said I have to make sure you eat. So I will go make you breakfast. I... I'll be back, okay?"
Vix hesitantly got off her seat again and trotted out of the room. I was not too sure if it was to avoid crying in front of me or if she was in a hurry to complete her task, not to leave me alone.
The world around me seemed so unreal. My soul had left my body before they found me, and it was not fully back in yet. I had trouble understanding what Vix was doing here and what she expected from me. Something was wrong. I remembered those moments where I had cuddled with her, either at the pethouse or the café, but it didn't trigger any desire to do it again.
For the next few minutes, I heard pans and cutlery rattling from the nearby kitchen. Was Vix really making me food? Why would she do that? Lucy had done the same thing, and she didn't explain to me why. I didn't want her to do anything for me. I didn't deserve this kind of attention.
Yet, shortly after, Vix entered the room with a small tray in her hands.
"Can... Can you... sit up... I think it would make things easier... if you did."
Void of energy, I managed to push myself up, slowly, to reach the position Lucy put me into when she wanted me to eat something. With my back now resting on the pillows, Vix lowered her tray and placed it on my legs.
She shyly sat on the edge of the bed.
"So... Those are eggs and... well... you know what eggs are... Stupid me. What am I saying? I made you a coffee too because I know you like coffee. Right?"
"..."
"Take your time... Well... Not too much... because Lucy said you have to eat."
I looked down at my plate. There was one scrambled egg, one peanut butter toast, a sliced apple, and a coffee.
Coffee...
The heat of the cup radiated almost painfully on my palm when I cupped it with my hand. Vix was right... I liked coffee. This beverage had always been so comforting. I could remember the first time I had coffee when I was a teenager. It was at a coffee shop in a big mall; I had found enough courage to walk up to the cashier but couldn't utter a word. The lady had said something, and I remembered just nodding a couple of times. Perhaps she had thought I was mute because I ended up with a cup in my hand, like the one I was holding right now.
I had sat down at an empty table and, and for the first time, I had all the time in the world to inhale the vapors rising from the hot liquid. It had been pleasurable in the pure sense of the term, and when I had taken my first sip, I had decided that it was good. It had been the first time in my entire life that I had decided to drink something without having someone else telling me what was good or not. My mother had always decided everything for me before.
Without being conscious of it, my first coffee had been my first step toward building a life of my own.
"Is... Is it good? You... You are just staring at your coffee cup. You always put milk and sugar in it when you get one at the café... so I thought it was okay like that..."
I looked at Vix and nodded, to at least let her know that it was fine. Smiling wasn't something I knew how to do anymore, but I was grateful for the trouble she went through to prepare this meal.
My eyes returned to my coffee, and it reminded me of something else Vix had mentioned... The animal café.
