I was sitting alone in a bathroom stall trying to figure out how to approach Erica with the idea of her having a threesome with Jimmy and Cat when two of my co-workers came into the men's room.
They were talking loudly and excitedly about some big news that had just broken in the office.
"Yeah, that's why the cops are here talking to people," one of them was saying. "They found Ray at the bottom of the river with a big rock tied around his ankle."
"You've got to be fucking kidding me. I thought he was done being involved with the mob years ago."
"They must have sucked him back into the life, man. I'm telling you, that motherfucker got himself killed. He must have pissed off someone real bad."
I thought for a moment about Ray and how much he picked on me, which made me glad he was gone, but I'd never wished him dead. I did enjoy the way he groped Erica and how he liked biting her nipples, but that didn't make up for the years of torment he'd put me through.
Then I had a sudden realization. I had punched Ray in the face, thrown him out of my house, and he ended up dead at the bottom of the river. I was going to become a suspect.
The idea was very exciting. I'd never been a suspect in a murder investigation before. I'd always been the quiet wallflower no one paid much attention to, but now I was going to be in the spotlight. My one run-in with the law after trying to punch two old ladies at Erica's tennis match had been exciting, but I wasn't being charged with anything.
I was about to be taken seriously for the first time by the public at large. I was going to be a suspect in a murder investigation.
I finished my men's room masturbation session, pulled myself together, and walked back out into the office. I saw the police talking with several people, all of whom stated they had last seen Ray at the end of the workday the previous day.
Then I saw Jimmy. He was in one of the manager's offices, which had big glass windows around it so people could see inside. I figured he had this kind of office to discourage him from masturbating at his desk, but now it was giving me a clear view of the danger that was coming my way.
A man in a cheap suit, who was apparently a police detective, was talking with Jimmy. Jimmy had his head in his hands. He was looking downwards and shaking his head in response to their questions. If they got anywhere with Jimmy, if he told them what had happened the previous night at the impromptu pizza party, they were going to get around to interrogating me very soon.
"Hey, foot boy," came a familiar voice from behind me. "Do you have a few minutes to talk?"
It was Detective Haggerty, the female police detective who had interrogated me regarding the incident with the two old ladies at the tennis match. I knew she was very thorough, clever, and was able to detect things other people were unable to detect using her superior detective powers and sharp intellect.
"Okay," I said as I turned around nervously. "I figured someone would want to talk to me at some point."
"I'm using this office back here," she said and motioned to the door to the office that belonged to the vice president of human resources. It was an office without big windows. It only had one window, and that was a window that provided a view of outside.
I followed her into the office and she closed the door behind us. She motioned for me to sit down in the chair I had sat in back when I was trying to negotiate my salary a year earlier. I had been offered a salary I didn't think was adequate and went in trying to make the case that I wanted more money. When I left, I had settled for a salary much lower than the one that had been initially offered to me.
"Let me start with the obvious question," she said after we'd both sat down. "Do you know anything about Ray Mundo's murder?"
"No."
"I'm being told by a lot of people that he used to bully you. Is that true?"
"Yes, he used to make fun of me all the time."
"How did you break your hand?"
"I punched Ray in the face. Blood came out of his nose but he didn't die."
"You realize you aren't going to leave this room until you give me a foot massage, don't you?"
"I wasn't aware of that, no."
"You have an erection, so you were obviously thinking about it."
"I wasn't. I always have an erection. It is very difficult to give a foot massage with only one good hand."
"I see. Where were you when you punched Ray Mundo in the face?"
"In my apartment."
"Why was Ray at your apartment?"
"I'd rather not say."
"A man is dead and he was at your apartment last night where you punched him in the face. Do you know how that looks? You need to tell me everything that happened."
"Everything?"
"Yes."
"We had a pizza party. It wasn't planned, it just kind of happened. My best friend Jimmy and my girlfriend had an argument and she invited him to come over so they could patch things up and Jimmy was with Ray, so they both came over and brought pizza."
"I see. So, why did you punch Ray? Was he making fun of you?"
"Everything was going great, except the cheese slid off the pizza and onto my shirt and I had to shout it out. Then Jimmy got this idea that he was gay because he got excited when Ray started taking off his pants and he locked himself in my bathroom and started crying."
"Why was Ray taking off his pants?"
"He wanted to have sex with my girlfriend."
"So that's why you punched him?"
"No."
"So, why did you punch him?"
"I'd really rather not say."
"The guy was taking off his pants in your apartment because he wanted to have sex with your girlfriend and that isn't why you punched him? Hell, if you did I would tell you that you were completely justified."
"You could write that down if you want, if you think it will help clear me."
