I didn't know how many burgers Becca ordered, nor how many I'd eaten. All I knew was that I was so full I could barely breathe and regretted every single morsel I swallowed. I collapsed on my back with my massively bloated middle jutting into the air like some kind of futuristic tower, crushing my insides with its weight. It hurt but... it was a pleasant kind of pain. I let out a sound, something between a moan and a whimper and closed my eyes.
"Are you alright?" Becca asked, her voice filled with concern for my well-being. She placed her hand on top of my gut and started to gently massage it making slow circles with her hand. Unfortunately it hurt like hell.
"Your hand is too heavy." I breathed out, trying to push her hand aside. I can barely reach the end of my belly! I thought, realizing I might have reached a new limit.
"Sorry!" Becca yelped, yanking her hand away. "I'm so sorry! I thought you'd like it."
"Not now." I shook my head. "I'm way too full for that." I felt my consciousness slipping. It was getting hard to think, hard to move. I yawned. "I think I'm gonna pass out now... Will you be there when I wake?" I asked dumbly. I didn't hear Becca's response though, because I was asleep before she could answer.
***
I heard laughter. It was difficult enough to withstand body shaming while fully clothed. You can't imagine what it was like now when I was only in a swimsuit. I tried to suck in my stomach as much as I could, but it still bulged in front of me no matter what I did. I cursed myself for eating donuts for breakfast. And at the same time I regretted I hadn't had more of them to quench the pain. It took me a minute to realize the laughter wasn't even aimed at me, when I saw Rachel, the bully queen of our school, pointing and snickering at Becca. Unlike me, Becca wasn't fat. She was the opposite actually. Small and skinny with clearly visible bones poking right through her skin, she looked so fragile, making her an easy target.
"This is a class for girls! Are you lost, little boy?" I heard Rachel say mockingly to the great amusement of her band of bullies.
"I-I'm a girl." Becca whispered self-consciously, nervously running her hand through her short hair. Becca shaved her hair when we became friends, saying they were too damaged to save. It was a real shame to see her raven hair disappear like that and I could tell she was regretting her decision at that moment. Still, thanks to her delicate features, she looked beautiful regardless.
"That's nonsense. How could you be a girl? You're flat as a board! Girls are supposed to have boobs!" Rachel said, thrusting her chest forward. She was a bit more mature than the rest of us and so she had a decent sized chest even back then, yet it wasn't her most prominent feature.
Becca looked ready to jump into the pool and drown and so I knew I had to step in. "Leave her alone!" I cried, even though I knew it would turn Rachel's attention to me. I was used to it already, so I could handle it. Barely, but still... I started to regret a little that I spoke up, but then I glanced at Becca, who seemed devastated. We shared a look and I saw her gratitude. This was the right thing to do, no matter the consequences.
Rachel turned my way. "Oh look, they even let little piggies in here! Oink, oink!" That started another wave of giggles, and I gritted my teeth. I don't think I ever dared to talk back before, too afraid of what she would do next, afraid she would bully me even more if I did so. But not this day. This was the day I spoke up. This was the day I said something I would always regret. "Is that all you can do?" I said, faking a smile, hoping it didn't seem as hurt as I felt. "You never were too smart, were you?"
Rachel's face had gone red, and her expression hardened with anger. "What did you say, bitch?! Do you think I'll let some fatass like you insult me?!"
"Fatass? I know I'm fatter than you, but your ass is definitely larger than mine!"
Rachel was taken aback and I saw something new in her eyes. Something that seemed an awful lot like fear.
A nasty grin appeared on my lips. "So that's what it's all about, is it? You feel self-conscious about yourself, so you try to bring other people down? Well then, let me tell you how freaking enormous your ass is! You know what? I think you might even weigh more than I do, fatass!"
Rachel looked around her little group for support, but all she got was silence. Silence and someone snickering. Rachel's eyes filled with tears, and she rushed away.
I was thrilled. Thrilled that I finally stood up for myself. The thrill was short lived however, because then I realized what I did and all that remained was shame. In my head I kept seeing Rachel's crying face. I was ashamed of what I said, ashamed that I became the very thing I hated more than anything. I was a bully.
***
I regained consciousness with a yelp, startled by my dreams. My heart was pounding in my chest and my brow was covered with sweat. Becca sat next to me with a book in her hand, but she put it aside as soon as I woke up.
"How long?" I asked with a yawn.
"About an hour." Becca said. "Are you alright? You were thrashing about quite a bit."
"Bad dream, that's all."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I let out a sigh. "Not really..." I closed my eyes, recalling the dream and shuddered. "I'd rather forget about it."
"Fair enough."
I let out a sigh. "It was more of a memory rather than a dream to be honest... Do you remember when we had swimming classes as part of the P.E.?"
"Oh yeah." Becca nodded, and by the look on her face, I knew she immediately understood what I was talking about.
