Well, I got in trouble with my last Nude Day entry, Texas Mermaids. Apparently, it's just TOO believable. I wonder how that could be? My wife keeps asking me how much of it is true. I'm not admitting to anything!
Anyway, this time I thought I would write something that couldn't possibly be true -- could it?
When I was in college, I lived in a dorm right across the street from a nursing home. My roommate freshman year used to hang out the window and yell "You're never too old to get laid!" for the benefit of the residents. I used to think it was funny.
First of all, I have to explain that the reason I could go off for solo swims in deserted lakes, when I was younger, was that my wife was taking the kids to the beach earlier in the day. I was more or less left to my own devices later in the afternoon when I got out of work. Now my life has changed. The kids are gone, work is gone, only the wife (fortunately) remains. But she does not share my taste for hiking back to remote, unguarded waters, so for the most part we swim at our club, which is on a fairly large lake in a nearby park. It has a fairly large swimming area, roped off, and most afternoons there is a lifeguard. However, that doesn't mean that I've given up my taste for skinny dipping. Once you're used to life without tan lines, it's hard to give that up. It just means I've had to change tactics. There are a lot of days when it's deserted enough to roll down the bathing suit, and be more or less naked in the water, exposed enough to get some sun on forbidden parts of the anatomy.
There are obvious advantages to doing it this way, as opposed to true skinny dipping. You still have the bathing suit with you, rolled down around your thighs, so that it can be recovered quickly if more people wander onto the dock. And, from a distance, you appear still to be wearing something, even though that something is not covering what it's supposed to. There are some problems, though. Sometimes the bathing suit gets rolled just right, and it stays securely at the hips, right at the bottom of the butt. More often than not, it keeps slipping down, has to be rearranged all the time, and keeps unrolling. It can turn swimming into an exercise in wardrobe readjustment. So, when it is really, really secluded down at the dock, just my wife and me, I will take the suit off completely once I get into the water, and leave it hanging on the ladder.
My home state is very overprotective, and there is a rule that one adult must be present on the dock at all times, if anyone else is in the water. This is completely useless and meaningless, but there is a chance the camp could be shut down if we got caught too often violating it. So, when it is just the two of us, one of us is dozing on the dock while the other swims. We ran into exactly this situation the other morning. We had to swim very early, because my wife had an afternoon meeting. We got over to the camp, and there was no one there, except for the director, and two old ladies who rent one of the cabins. We've known them for a few summers. They are sisters, both widowed. They have houses in different states, but they hang out together a lot, going on various adventures, and renting this summer cabin at the camp. Even though they must both be at least in their mid seventies, they are still like torpedoes when they hit the water. They are always talking about their trips -- safaris, cruises, grand tours. My wife has often said she hoped to be going that strong when we get to their age. Little did she know.
In any case, they were signed in, but there wasn't any sign of them at the dock. It seemed like it was too early for them to be swimming. There was no lifeguard, which meant that my wife and I were going to have to take turns. Time was a little tight for that. I didn't want the rolled up bathing suit hampering me. On the other hand, wearing it properly when there was absolutely no one around was just too annoying. So, I left it on the ladder. My wife had already gone into doze mode. She never even gave a glance at me to realize I had abandoned the suit. I spent the next half hour or so pushing hard to get my laps in as quickly as possible. I more or less forgot about the fact that I was naked.
I was about finished, when I realized that my wife was in the water with me. This was not good news, because it meant that someone else was up on the dock. My wife was swimming along without a trace of concern for my unclad state. I could only assume that she had used the other ladder, and had not noticed my bathing suit hanging on the one I had come down. So, it seemed like a fairly simple situation. I would retrieve the suit, slip it back on, and no one would be the wiser. But when I got back to the ladder, the suit was missing.
"Hi WR." There was a familiar voice from the dock. It was one of the nice old ladies, except somehow she didn't sound quite as nice as usual.
"Hi Emily," I replied, hoping that I was remembering which one was which. "How are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine. Are you okay? You seem to be thrashing around down there." She peered down into the clear water with her aged, weak eyes. Apparently, not quite weak enough. "Oh my, you seem to be missing something. Hey Kathie, you won't believe this, WR is skinny dipping!"
"My heavens!"
"I'm sorry," I said, "I don't mean to offend you. You could just bring over a towel ..."
"Nonsense! You think we're offended?" And with that, Emily stripped off her suit, so quickly I didn't have time to object. "We've been skinny dipping down here for years," she said, "when no one else was around. Right Sis?"
"All our lives. Of course, it used to be a little more interesting when we were younger." The other sister stood up to let me see that she was taking off her suit also. Really, for their age, they were still very attractive. No fat, no wrinkles. Those ladies had really kept themselves in great shape.
"Hi." The two sat down as my wife approached the dock, so that she could not see that they were naked.
"Hi," I replied and I started to swim back out with her to the relative safety of the far end. "What lap is this?" I should explain that the swimming area is quite large, so each round trip is close to a hundred yards.
"It's only number three." She had another eight to go. "Look, the last time you tried to swim that many extra laps with me, you just fell asleep while we were screwing." She was talking quite loudly, and I was sure I could hear the old ladies tittering on the dock. "Get out of the water. I want you functioning later."
So I went back to the dock to tread water.
