You Sexy Babe You

Some game shows make you take a test to qualify. To get on

You Sexy Babe You,

you have to first get tickets to the taping of the show. Then, they randomly select contestants from the people who get in and who put their names on the list.

I've watched

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for years and dreamed of being on it. I've been lucky enough to score tickets three times but haven't been selected to play. My luck just changed. I'm now standing here on the stage, facing the audience with two other contestants. Brenda is a petite woman in her late-30s and Jim is a tall, good-looking guy who is probably 25. We're on separate risers and each of us has a tablet type computer. Instead of a podium or desk, the tablets are attached to a metal stand so anyone getting undressed is going to be totally exposed.

Most trivia-based shows ask you questions covering a range of topics. Here, all of the questions are related to sex which gives the whole show a risqué feeling. If you answer the question correctly, you get a point. But, what really makes it stand out from other shows is that if you answer wrong, you have to take off a piece of clothing. By the end of the show, at least one of the contestants is standing there naked and the other two are at least partly nude. The people who try to get on the show think they know something about sex but they're also gamblers and a bit of exhibitionist too. I'm all of those.

We're each wearing five pieces of clothing, counting our shoes as one. We were all provided with moccasin type slippers that could easily be kicked off. The two women have bras under our tops (yeah, they asked) and the guy is wearing socks which will also count as a single piece of clothing.

The floor director tells us to get ready and the stage lights come on. The familiar theme music plays and, as the audience applauds, I recognize the voice of the announcer as he introduced the show and Andy Underhill, the host. Andy walks onto the set, welcomes the audience, introduces the three of us, and summarizes the rules as if anyone watching doesn't know them.

Then, the game begins. They play a sound effect and Andy asks the first question. "What sexual position is called the beast with two backs?" I lean to my tablet, pick up the stylus and answer "missionary position." If they're all this easy, I'm good. The musical clip ends and our answers are shown to us and to the audience. They had started us with an easy one and all three of us got it right.

Andy quickly moves to the next question. "What type of porn is the favorite of woman watching Pornvid?" Hmm, not quite as easy. I've got broad tastes depending on my mood. I know what I like but I also think about comments and recommendations from friends, trying to narrow the categories. I'm guessing most women prefer either sensual lovemaking, lesbian sex, or spanking so I pick lesbian and write that on my tablet.

Our answers are shown. Jim also said lesbian but Brenda said spanking. Jim and I each get a point but Brenda has to kick off her shoes.

There's a commercial break and when we come back, Andy chats briefly with each of us. The show is about sex so he uses some double-entendres and asks some questions that are on the personal side. Then, moving back to the game, Andy asks his third question. "How long would you have to jog to burn off as many calories as you would from having sex for an hour?"

Okay, first, how do you make it last an hour? That's beside the point but that doesn't stop me from wondering. How long would I have to jog? I think about my breathing after I climax and I decide that sex is probably about the same as jogging so I write one hour on my table.

I was wrong but so were the others. Brenda must have energetic sex since she guessed that an hour of sex equaled 90 minutes of jogging. Jim, not so much--he said 15 minutes. None of us got a point and we each had to remove one piece of clothing. I stepped out of my shoes as did Jim and I saw that Brenda was now standing there showing off a low-cut black bra. I wondered if, when she put it on this morning, she thought about showing it off on TV.

The next question asked what age most people lost their v-card. I did it for the first time when I was 18. A lot of my friends did it earlier and a few were still waiting for the right time. I decided that since I was a bit later than other girls I know, 17 was going to be my best guess. I was right and got the point. Brenda said 14 which made me wonder about her and Jim said 16.

Jim now reached down to pull off his socks, leaving him with pants, shirt, and (I assume) underwear. The order that clothes would be removed was in the

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rules so Brenda undid her pants, slid them down her legs and stepped out of them. A production assistant came in below the level of the camera and removed them from the set and the camera zoomed in on a blushing Brenda standing there in just her underwear.

"For people getting kinky, SSC stands for safe, sane, and what? Well, everyone may wonder about how I knew this but I absolutely did know this. Without much thought, I wrote down "consent" on the table and stood back.

Which, of course, was wrong. Not consent. Consensual.

Brenda got it right and got the point but I have to reach for the hem of my top and pull it over my head dropping it for the production assistant to pick up. Jim has also lost his shirt. He and Brenda were each down to two pieces of clothing and, standing there in my neon pink bra, I had three. With Brenda showing her boobs, probably no one was looking at my bra. Regardless, I glanced at the TV monitor showing what would go out to the TV audience and decided that my bra didn't show any more than a bikini would.

The next question was a multiple choice which was good because otherwise it would have been a total guess. "Are there more than 10, more than 20, or more than 30 types of sexually transmitted diseases?

Well, there are syphilis and gonorrhea. AIDS of course. Chlamydia (yeah, done than one). HPV. Herpes. Pubic lice. If I try to list them all, I'm going to run out of time. I can think of 10 easily so it has to be more than that but I can't think of another 10 so I go with the middle number--more than 20.

Nope, Andy gives the official answer as more than 30 which only Brenda got. If you don't practice safe sex, think about that number for a minute. I don't have a minute since I just lost my pants as did Jim. I've still got my bra so I'm one ahead of her in the clothes count. Jim has only his shorts left before he is naked.

Jim lucks out since the next question is more about men than women. He knew that the prostate was male part often thought of as equivalent to the G-spot. If that's true, why don't more men want to do butt play? Whatever. Brenda said penis tip and I said testicles. Brenda and I reach behind to unhook our bras and stand there topless on TV.

Andy moves in for the next question. "Whose orgasm last longer--men or women?" Jeez. Did some researcher sit there with a stopwatch? I fall back on my own experience again thinking of how long I can feel like I'm floating on air after I climax. Most of my partners pull out of me much sooner than I'd like so I assume their climax is finished before mine.

Got that one right but Jim said men and Brenda said they were the same. They both had to reach down and slide off their final piece of clothing and stand in front of the audience nude. My thong may have showed a lot of skin but for the purpose of

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, I was ahead. They added the points for my remaining clothes to the points I got for the correct answers and Andy declared me the winner. A spotlight went up on the stage next to us and the curtain opened, showing a red, convertible sports car. Andy came over to me, placed his hand on my hip (yes, my nearly naked hip), and guided me to my prize. Jim and Brenda stood there naked looking at me jealously. I sat in the driver's seat as lights flash and various sound effects play.

One particular sound effect attracted my attention and I listened to it carefully before I realized that it's my alarm clock. I hit the snooze button but my dream is gone.

Damn.