Arrival
Judgemental Agatha had finally made it! After 77 long years slumming it with all those filthy sinners down on Earth, she had finally arrived at the promised pearly gates. And though the gigantic, golden gates had at first refused to let her in, remaining stubbornly closed as she tapped her foot impatiently, JA had gotten her way eventually. She always did. She had yelled and made a fuss, and even shed a few strategic tears, and the gates had yielded. She was in.
Now, she looked around. As far as her eyes could see, breathtaking, endless vistas of colorful clouds stretched in a stunning panorama. The clouds were flat in some places, and hilly in others, and far in the distance, JA could see huge mountains of clouds that went up and up and up, straight out of her line of vision.
The clouds were not stagnant, either. They were constantly, slowly shifting and melding, lit through with shafts of light. As JA watched, large cloud tunnels, cloud columns, and cloud staircases were formed and then dissolved, over and over again. She started to walk up a solid-seeming cloud spiral staircase that seemed to lead to a doorway set within a large conglomeration of fluffy, pink clouds. She had been walking and walking for quite some time when she finally realized that she wasn't getting any closer to her destination at all. The second she realized this, the staircase dissolved under her feet in a shimmer of rainbow particles, and JA gently wafted back to the cloud-ground.
Hmph! There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to anything around here. JA thought it all a bit disorganized and unruly. Who was in charge around here, anyway? Sure, she knew who the supreme head honcho was, but what about the middle managers? The ones who kept the day-to-day operations of the celestial kingdom running smoothly? Where was a damn manager to complain to when she needed one?
JA was in a fairly bad mood as she wandered through a grouping of gorgeous, effervescent fluffy lavender hills. Here she was, in heaven, and nobody had even greeted her! What terrible service! It didn't help that she was still in her floral pink nightgown and fluffy pink bedroom slippers. Wasn't she supposed to get some gorgeous silk robes to wear or something? And where were her angel wings and halo? JA glared at the empty space above her head. And to think of all of the sacrifices she had made to get here!
JA thought back to all of the good deeds she had accomplished throughout her life: how she had called the police on the illegal mexican family who'd lived next door to her; how she had helpfully told the homeless man on the street to get a job; how she had disowned her disgusting, sinful son who thought he was a woman; how she had only ever had orgasm-less, missionary sex with her husband, and no one else ever. They had never even turned the lights on; that was for whores. Yes, she had been a pillar of morality! And this was her reward? JA was prepared to take her complaints right to the top. She smiled to herself as she pictured complaining to the ultimate manager: the big man himself.
At that moment, JA heard the sound of two voices coming around a cloud-hill. The voices startled her; they rang with an unusual, unsettling timbre. As soon as she heard them, JA felt that they were familiar to her, like a song she had known long, long ago. The voices seemed to echo in some shadowy, lizardy part of her brain. Abruptly, JA was scared. She hid behind a little pile of clouds and waited for the two...angels? to come closer. She watched, hidden.
Though she couldn't make out their exact words, the creatures were still talking to each other. JA could see them now. The two creatures had the faces of the most beautiful women JA had ever seen. Their faces were the epitome of angelic divinity, with perfect, symmetrical features, lush lips, and bright liquid eyes that gleamed with clear light.
Their bodies were those of great white cats. They had soft luscious fur, and great, clawed paws, and serpentine tails that flicked through the clouds behind them as they walked. And their wings...even folded, JA could see that their wings were huge and silvery, shimmery white. As she looked at these beings, JA felt, against her will, an aching tenderness for these creatures. She yearned to stroke their fur, she yearned to hold them. And this terrified and disgusted her.
JA thought that these creatures must be some sort of demon spawn who had snuck through the celestial gates, and she was determined to rat them out, get them sent back to hell where they no doubt belonged. But for the moment, she didn't dare move. She would just have to wait for these creatures to pass by first. Then she would get them sent straight to hell.
