You Can't Swap Bodies

Friday Night with Lily and Michelle and Jason and TJ

"OK, but how do you know if, like, what you feel is the same way someone else feels?" Lily said, exhaling a huge cloud of pot smoke. "Like, I'm stoned. You're stoned. But is it the same kind of feeling?"

"I mean, I can tell you what it feels like to me," I replied. "Weird tension around my head. Vague dizziness. Dry mouth. Half the time stuff seems hilarious, but also I have a sudden urge to really examine the stereotype of college freshmen smoking weed and talking about big ideas."

"Right?" added Michelle. "Like have you ever really looked at your hands or the stars and wondered about the universe, maaaaan?"

TJ came in with the catchphrase "There's a time and a place for everything, maaaaan, and that's college...." and we all laughed helplessly. "Pretty sure we're all stoned the same way," he said, setting off another round of laughter.

"But seriously, there's some stuff I think I'll never experience," he added, the room going quiet. "Like, girls all go to the bathroom together. Dudes can't do that. Or don't. Like, that kind of casual intimacy among women isn't an experience I'll ever have."

"Or multiple orgasms," said Lily.

"Definitely a point of jealousy for me. Obviously tons of advantages to being a dude but... multiple orgasms!"

"I've, uh, never even had one," said Michelle.

"Really?" Lily asked, incredulous.

"Boys have it so easy. I mean, the penis is right there demanding attention. Girls have to, like, read an instruction manual. I didn't even know girls could jerk off until I saw American Pie and even then, like, I thought it was just the kooky Alyson Hannigan ones. And I guess, you know, I felt like you were supposed to do sex stuff with someone else, but it's not like my high school boyfriend was any good at fingering me."

"Wow, I have never disagreed with someone so much!" Lily replied. "First, I think you have to know what you like to tell a partner how to do it! But also, I feel like I've always known how to touch myself. Like, when I was really little my mom had to teach me about the importance of private time so I wouldn't be humping the arm of the couch while company was over."

TJ said "Ugh. I grew up Catholic, my first memory of sex or sexuality was being told not to do it. But I think Michelle's got a point about it being less of a thing for girls, because I remember my parents telling me and my brother touching ourselves was a sin, but I don't think they ever warned our sister about it! What about you, Jason?"

"I don't remember being taught about it either way. I think I must have been embarrassed about it because I didn't tell anyone else about it. Or maybe it was just the private-parts-are-private lessons? And of course everyone joked about how gross jerking off was when I was in middle school, but to me it felt like it was this amazing secret I'd discovered just for myself. I'd make up all these like games or challenges."

"Games?"

"Like, max number of times I could come in a day, or how fast could I come, or how close I could get without coming, or could I come just touching myself with one finger. I read somewhere about someone who said they could orgasm just by thinking hard and flexing, and I'd try to do that, but I never managed that."

"Man, I just tried not to do it for as long as I could, and then I'd finally break down and rub one out and feel guilty and have to confess. At least our priest wasn't a creep about it. He said it was a common sin and working on it was a good way to build character, which is... OK I guess. But it was still something I felt bad about every time. Even after I came out as bi and gave up on church entirely, I just... I guess I still feel like everything around sex, and especially masturbation, is somehow inappropriate."

"We're eighteen. Jerking off is the most appropriate" said Lily.

TJ laughed and said "There's a time and a place for everything...."

"...And it's whenever your roommate is in the shower" finished Lily.

Michelle looked over and said "wait, how often do you do it?"

"At least twice a day," Lily said. "Why wouldn't I? What about you all?"

"Not that often," said TJ. "It's not that I still think it's a sin or anything, but it's hard to focus on it if you think your roommate might come back at any moment, and I just feel sort of nervous and awkward about it."

"Oh, I'm with Lily on that." I said. "As often as possible. Like I wanna be an evangelist for self-love."

Lily lit another joint. "So we're all stoned the same way, but a lot of our other lived experiences are completely different. Not just different for men and women, but from each other." She inhaled and looked around. "You ever wish you could swap bodies with someone? Not just 'walk a mile in their shoes' but really live their subjective experience?"

"I mean, that'd be cool. Pretty sure there's a whole genre of porn about it," TJ said.

"I don't just mean the sex stuff! Like, aside from sex, what would you do if you were me for a week?"

"I guess I'd like having more freedom around clothes and style. Like I could put on makeup or not, or wear a skirt or pants or heels or boots."

"You can do that as a man though."

"But it's a whole thing if you do it as a man. Like it's all controversial or bold or weird. As opposed to just putting on a skirt and heading out the door."

"I guess. I still think you can just... do it. Same with the casual intimacy. Like, go to the bathroom with a friend."

"I don't know if I could pee if someone was watching."

"Fair enough. But I still think you should just wear makeup if you want to try it. I can teach you!"

"What would you do if you were me for a week?"

"Aside from getting things off tall shelves without a stepstool? I wanna know what guy's locker room talk is like. I wanna pee standing up."

"I'm usually just in there changing my clothes. I think banter is more of a team sports thing."

"...And I want to know what it's like to penetrate someone."

TJ laughed and said "shit, so do I!"

Michelle added "I want to know about the inconveniences. Random boners. Wet dreams. And I definitely want the boys to have to experience periods. But hell, I want a week in Lily's body. I'm so jealous of your boobs!"

"Mine? You've clearly got the better tits."

"Pass me that joint. I think this is really the key here, this subjectivity. Yes, mine are bigger but they're always in the damn way. I have to wear a bra or they bounce and it's uncomfortable, and then the bra is uncomfortable! I wanna just be able to put on a shirt and go."

TJ and I looked at each other. "Having breasts seems super cool from my side," he said. "I'd be playing with them all the time! A whole additional erogenous zone! I get nothing from touching my nipples."

I said "Oh, I like mine" just as Lily said "mine aren't that sensitive."

"See, this is what I'm talking about!" Lily said. "Maybe we're all stoned the same way but it seems like almost everything else about everyone's experience is fundamentally unknown and unknowable, and we're entirely alone in our experience!"

Fearing she might start a paranoid spiral, I jumped in. "I don't think we are. We're learning about each other's subjective experience right now! It's not the same as living it directly, but it's a close second that we can listen to each other talking about, you know, our lived experiences. I don't know what it's like to grow up Catholic but I know more about it from talking to TJ. And like you said, there are things we can do even without having access to each other's full experience."

"Like the makeup thing."

It was Michelle who came up with the big idea: "We should really try this. Like, make a list of what we'd do if we were each other. And if it's something we can do ourselves, like you wearing makeup or Lily getting one of those funnels and using a urinal, we do it. And if we can't, one of the others will have to do it and report back. You know, for science."

"For science!"

"Well, first up, I have to pee," said TJ. "Wanna come with?"

All four of us walked down the hall to the unisex dorm bathroom, the fluorescent lights eerie to our one-AM stoned minds. "How does this usually work? You just...?"

"It's not like we usually cram all into one stall. Unless there's only one stall. But yeah, you can keep having a conversation while you go."

Since it was a unisex bathroom, the urinals were fully enclosed, but we all kept talking across the barriers. I said "so THIS is where the joke about 'crossing the streams' came from!" and we all laughed for a moment before managing to urinate like normal people.

As we walked back to Lily's room TJ said "You know, this does sound like a total hippie thing but they're right. Casual nudity is about being comfortable with your baaaahhhdy, maaaaan."

"I kind of get it. Normal bodily function, no big deal. Just chilling. No peeking, though," I said.

"Actually, why not, right?" replied TJ. "I mean, if we're comfortable. I'll show you mine if you show me yours, right?"

Lily's expression took on a bit of a gleam. "I mean, Michelle and I compared notes about our breasts. I feel like you kind of have to."

"For science," Michelle said. "Also I've only ever seen one penis in person and I wanna check out the goods."

"I guess that makes sense," TJ said. "I mean, in high school we all stayed as covered as possible changing for gym class. I don't think I've ever actually looked at someone else's dick that wasn't in porn."

"How much porn do you watch?" Michelle asked.

"Me?" TJ asked. "Not a ton. I try to avoid it because... well, I just feel gross after, I guess. You?"

"Oh, only when a friend tricked me into looking at it. I didn't like it at all. What about you, Jason?"

"Not an excessive amount, I think. But more than a little," I said. "I know what I like, and what I don't."

Lily added, "There's definitely a lot of 'don't like' for me. Most porn is made for men and it's just garbage, and it's so much work to sort through it to find the stuff I do like, but there's some hot stuff out there. And I do like a steamy story. But quit stalling, I wanna see some IRL dong."

"OK," I said, undoing my belt again. "I guess we're doing this?"

TJ's pubic hair was lighter than mine, his cock looked a little bigger, and most surprisingly to me, he wasn't circumcised.

"You're uncut?"

"Yeah. I told you my dad was in the air force, right? They were stationed in Europe when I was born and circumcision isn't really a thing in Europe."

"Now that's a different experience!" Michelle said. "You'll never know what it's like to have a foreskin."

"You know" I said, "it's weird we almost only ever see dicks in porn, when they're hard. Like, they're soft MOST of the time! And nobody shows them in, like, eco mode, only sport mode."

"Eco mode is a fun way of saying that!" said Lily. "Better than flaccid."

TJ laughed, zipping himself away. "Seriously, there is nothing that could make me go soft faster than the word 'flaccid.' Eeew."

"How much does the size change?" asked Michelle.

"Depends on the guy, I think. I'm only familiar with mine," I replied.

Lily said "I've only been with two guys and one definitely grew more than the other. So, yeah, there's some variation. But I think I need a better sample size. For science."

"Wait, what?"

She stepped closer and whispered in my ear "a better sample size," then turned to TJ and whispered in his, "for science." Her hands reached out to brush against our now-zipped flies, and she grinned slyly. "How do they look now?"

Blushing furiously, TJ and I looked at each other. I wasn't instantly hard but I could feel my pulse in my temples and my cock. I looked down at his crotch and although I couldn't see his dick I felt sure he was having the same reaction.

Seeing us hesitate, Lily pulled up her shirt halfway and half-sang "I'll show you mine if you show me yours..."

Michelle's gaze flickered back and forth between Lily and us, and I slowly undid my belt for the third time that evening. The further I unbuttoned my pants, the higher Lily hiked her shirt, and the harder I got. I heard TJ's zipper open and Lily let her breasts fall free. I could see why Michelle was jealous: they were incredible, gorgeously round with mouthwatering nipples like gumdrops.

But everyone else's eyes were on TJ. I'd measured myself before and knew I was perfectly average but when I followed their gaze, I was stunned by the size of his cock.

"Absolutely not," said Michelle. "Sorry, but there's no way that's gonna fit. Ow. No. My vag hurts just looking at that."

His foreskin had slid back and the head glistened. Lily looked entranced. "That's a hell of a... um, that's a lot."

TJ seemed embarrassed rather than pleased. "Uh, thanks? I grew it myself?"

That broke the tension a bit and we laughed again. Lily pulled her shirt back down and TJ and I put our cocks away. It was getting late and despite everything we did need to be up in the morning, so TJ and I headed back to our hall while Lily and Michelle got ready for bed.