Yahoo Sexual Correspondence Course

Married cyber friend gives the wrong advice to longtime bachelor newlywed.

*

My cyber friend, Jack, is a voyeur and so am, I guess. I never knew I was, until Jack told me that I was. He lives on the other side of the world, England or Australia, I figure, by some of the phrases he uses and the times of day that we correspond. It's always late when he writes, but it must be mid day for him now. We correspond on Yahoo.

I don't know what I'd do without Jack. He's more of a worldly man than I am. After being a 40-year-old bachelor for too long, too focused on making money than in having a relationship with a woman, I finally got married this summer, on the 4th of July. Now, that's a summer lovin' date easy to remember for anniversary sake.

My lovely bride, Katherine, is only 28-years-old. Everyone whispers behind my back that she married me for my money, but I'm pretty sure she didn't. I'm pretty sure she loves me. Yet, to me, it doesn't matter what other people think, blonde and sexy, she's so beautiful.

To be truthful, I don't care if she married me for my money because if I wasn't rich, looking much like George Costanza on Seinfeld, an average looking guy, I'd never get a woman who looks like her. I love her and I couldn't be happier. Only, I want to stay that way, happily married, and Jack is helping me with some tips to maintain the passion, sexual and otherwise, in my marriage.

As far as passion goes, I have plenty of that for Katherine. I can't imagine not ever wanting to have sex with her. Yet, Jack insists that, after being married for only a few, short years that I'll take her for granted and we'll stop having sex. It's hard for me to believe that I'll ever take Katherine for granted, so much that I wouldn't want to have sex with her, but I trust what Jack says. Definitely, he has more experience, when it comes to women and marriage advice, than I do. On those topics, I don't mind deferring to him and allowing him to give me his insights and helpful advice.

I had been going out with a woman for several years, Elizabeth, who was closer to my age. She was nice enough, but plain and overweight. Definitely, I took a leap up, when I found Katherine. She's hot, where Elizabeth was, well, not.

Elizabeth thought we'd get married, but she wasn't much fun and the sex we had was boring. Had it not been for Katherine, I may have married Elizabeth. Who knows? Only Elizabeth's mother, Audrey, calculating and conniving, was a real shrew and, but for the loss of her daughter, I'm glad to be rid of her. Audrey was so pissed, an understatement, that I didn't marry her plain, fat daughter. If Audrey was part of the package deal of marrying Elizabeth, then I didn't want whatever they were selling. Her mother was a real bitch.

I couldn't imagine marrying into Elizabeth's family and having Audrey for a mother-in-law. I couldn't help but figure, like mother like daughter. I imagined Elizabeth eventually looking and acting just like her horrible mother. It was a terrible breakup, when I told Elizabeth that I was in love with someone else, but I'm glad the lawsuits and restraining orders are finally behind me and that I can finally move forward with my life and my new wife.

Oh, here he is. I'm online with Jack now. I just love Yahoo. I feel as if he's in the room with me.

"All men are voyeurs and all women are exhibitionists, Charlie" wrote Jack.

See? I told you. He knows so much about this stuff.

"Gees, Jack, I didn't know that. All women? Even my wife, Kathy is an exhibitionist?"

"Yes, your Kathy and my Maryanne are both exhibitionists. They love showing men their bodies."

"How do you know that, Jack, when you haven't even met Kathy?"

"Listen Charlie, why do you think women walk around wearing short skirts and low cut tops and even less in the summertime?"

He's got a point there. I always wondered about that myself. Trying to show Jack that I wasn't a total idiot, when it comes to women, I tried coming up with the right answer.

"Because that's the current fashion?"

"Well, yeah."

"Because it flatters their figures and they look good in them?"

"Of course, that goes without saying."

"To make them look sexy?"

"You're getting warmer," he wrote adding a little smiley face.

"Because they bought the outfits on sale?"

"Sure, of course, but the real reason why they wear short skirts and low cut tops, Charlie, is to tease us men by showing off what they have beneath their clothes. Women pretend they don't want to show us their bodies but they love showing off their bodies. They love showing us their shapely legs and their cleavage."

Wow. Suddenly, I felt like such a sucker. All this time, I've been played. Who knew? If it wasn't for Jack tutoring me in the beguiling ways of women, I'd still be in the dark and they'd still be taking advantage of me. It's a good thing I'm no longer playing the field. It's a good thing that I'm safely and happily married.

"Really? No shit. I had no idea, Jack," I wrote eagerly watching the computer screen, while waiting for his reply.

I realize I'm naive, but my love life has taken a backseat to my career and now that I have a successful career, I can focus more on romance, love, sex, and making sure that I have a happy marriage. Now that I'm married, other than to shower Kathy with expensive gifts, I don't know how to keep my wife interested in me sexually. Short, overweight, and with a receding hairline, I'm not the best looking guy in the world. If it wasn't for Jack giving me advice, I'd be lost. Oh, here he is again. He's back online.

"Why do you think they always cross their legs?"

Damn, every question he asks me stumps me. He knows so much about women. He asks me things that I never thought about.

"Cross their legs? Because their legs get tired and they're about to get a leg cramp? I had lots of cramps and they are really painful. The only way to make them stop is to stand up and walk around. Fortunately, I never had one when I was on a plane. I couldn't imagined what I'd do if I got a leg cramp, while the fasten your seatbelt sign was lit."

"Thanks for the history of your leg cramps, Charlie, but the real reason why women constantly cross and uncross their legs is to flash us their knickers, their panties, that is, if they're even wearing any."

Well, that proves he's not from around her. No one that I know calls panties knickers. Damn, this guy knows everything about women.

"Holy shit. So, let me get this straight. All this time, I thought I was the one being the pig by always looking when a woman crosses her legs, while hoping to see something, and they were the ones purposely flashing me their knickers, I mean, panties? Now that I think about it, all those women on the buses and on the trains were doing nothing by flashing me their panties, by crossing and uncrossing their legs? What a relief. I thought I was the degenerate, when they were the exhibitionists."

Wow. Who knew? Now, as if a light was dawning, it's all starting to make sense to me, I thought.

"Absolutely, Charlie, absolutely. Now, not in all cases are women flashing their knickers when crossing and uncrossing their legs. In a few instances, as you wrote before, they are just hoping to ward off a leg cramp. Yet, in most instances, Charlie, they are hoping to get your interest by flashing you their Victoria's Secrets or their naked pussies."

Naked pussies? Damn. No way!

"I wish I had known this before. I wouldn't have been a bachelor as long. I could have had more fun. I could have said, hey, nice panties, lady or, wow, I can see your pussy."

"No, certainly not. You should never say that to a lady, Charlie. Women don't want it made public that they are purposely showing you what they hope you'll see. You have to be cool about it. Just because they are exhibitionists and are exposing their pretty knickers to you, doesn't mean that they want you to embarrass them by making them feel like the exhibitionists that they are. It's all a game of seduction, Charlie. It's best you act more discreet about it, by looking, then looking away, and looking again, before making eye contact."

Is there anything that this guy doesn't know about women? He must have been a real player, before he got married. I wonder how many women he's had. I betcha he still keeps one of those little black books.

"I see. I wish I had met you online before, Jack. My entire sex life would have been so much more exciting with this kind of knowledge at my disposal. Definitely, I would have scored more with your help."

"Indeed, though, it sounds like you did alright for yourself with Katherine. She sounds smashingly lovely."

Smashingly? That must mean very pretty, I guess.

"I did do very well for myself, Jack. She's stunningly beautiful. So, what else can you tell me to help me have a successful marriage and a happy sex life?"

"There are lots of things that I can tell you, Charlie. Just as women enjoy giving men up skirt peeks of their panties, they also enjoy giving them down blouse views of their titties. Whenever they lean forward, while wearing a low cut top, they're giving you a free peek, while hoping you'll notice. By giving you a peek of their titties, they're showing you what they have beneath their blouses and hidden in their bras."

"And all this time, I thought I was just lucky happening by at the right moment to get a down blouse peek of her boobs. So, if she's purposely showing me, would it be okay if I reached my hand down her blouse and copped a feel, while she's exposing herself to me anyway?"

"Not unless you want to be slapped, arrested, and/or hit with a lawsuit, Charlie. Best you play the game, by acting cool, disinterested even, sometimes. You have to learn to see without looking. Trust me, Charlie, with women always showing so much of their sexy bodies, it's all preplanned and orchestrated to tease us men. It's best you learn how to play the game, before breaking any rules. Copping a feel is for my advanced instruction. You're not ready for that, yet."

"So, with all the up skirt and down blouse peeks my secretary gave me over the years, she was hoping that I'd take her up on what she was showing me, while hoping for a date?"

"Without doubt, Charlie, without doubt. I've been married much longer than you and, I dare write, I know more about women than you do. You've been a bachelor too long to know much about what women really want. This is my second marriage and everything that I wanted to do in my first marriage, I'm doing in my second marriage."

"Wow. So, tell me, Jack, what do women really want?"

"They want a man who will show them the way, a man who will take the lead to help them live a more erotic and sexually fulfilled lifestyle. Women will never take the first step, Charlie. They leave it up to the man to be more aggressive, so that the women can always fall back on blaming the man for them being sluts. See? Even when they're caught red handed with a cock in their pussy or in their mouth, the women will say, I thought you wanted me to fuck and blow your best friend, so that we could have hot pillow talk about it later."

"I didn't know any of this stuff. I'm so glad you're my cyber friend, Jack, because, obviously, I have so much to learn."

"The first thing to go in a marriage is the passion and then the sex," he wrote.

"Really? Wow."

"Yet, don't fret, Charlie, there are things that you can do to keep your partner excited enough that she'll always want to have sex with you," he wrote.

I couldn't believe that out of all the guys online that I happened to stumble over, Jack was the one guy who helped me to have the perfect marriage with the hottest sex life.

"What things? Tell me."

"Well, keep in mind that all women are exhibitionists and all men are voyeurs, Charlie. The most important thing that women want is to expose their bodies to other men."

"Really? Even married women?"

"Especially married women. By you helping them expose themselves, making their oops and accidental exposure appear as if it wasn't their fault, they will always be grateful to you, later, when in bed by giving you hot sex, along with plenty of sexually provocative pillow talk."

"Wow. No kidding. I never would have guess that, if it wasn't for you, Jack."

"So, what you must do is to find ways to expose your lovely new bride to unsuspecting men and then to have hot sex and even hotter pillow talk about it, later. This way, by you exposing her body, she still manages to keep her innocent reputation, while showing you the grateful little slut that she truly is."

"Now I get it. I'm excited about all the things that I can do with my wife. Thanks Jack. I really appreciate all that you've written to help me. I'll let you know how I make out with exposing my wife to men or, as really as is the case, my wife exposing herself to men with my help, knowledge, and support. I have to go. I'll chat with you later. Bye Jack."

Audrey put out her cigarette, finished her cocktail, and logged off as Jack from chatting with her ex-future son-in-law, Charlie. This was her plan to break up Charlie and Katherine's marriage and hopefully get him interested again in her daughter, Elizabeth. So far, with him thinking she's someone named Jack, it was working. Definitely, this was going to be a long, hot summer.

Wanting to put Jack's game plan in play by exposing his wife to men, not very creative or sexually inventive, the first thing that Charlie did was to buy a Twister game.

"What's this, Charlie?"

Katherine picked up the box and opened it.

"It's Twister, a game we have in America, kind of like the game of Cricket you have in England," he said.

Twister was nothing like Cricket, but with her being English, he figured she'd understand the game more, if he made it sound familiar by comparing it to a game she played.

"I never played Cricket," she said. "I was never into sports."

"Never played Cricket? Why weren't you into sports?"

"Every time I showed up on the field, I'd be surrounded by boys, so Daddy stopped taking me."

She was so very beautiful. Perhaps, had she been more involved with sports, she would have married an athlete, instead of a lawyer. That evening, three of his friends, Jim, Bob, and Steve happened to stop by his house, actually Charlie had invited them. Once they were all feeling good, after drinking a few bottles of his best champagne, Charlie pulled out the Twister game.

Never having played the game before, Katherine didn't know that her short skirt and low cut top would be a detriment to her playing the game. Actually, her wearing a short skirt and low cut top was a benefit to the guys playing the game. Of course, based on what Jack had told him on Yahoo, Charlie figured that Katherine purposely wore her outfit to play the game, as playing Twister gave his wife the perfect opportunity to flash her panty and bra. He figured she was purposely flashing the men her sexy lingerie. Had she not been so inebriated, she probably would have not agreed to play the game or, at the very least, changed into pants and a turtleneck top. It wasn't long before she was in twisted positions that gave every man splendid views not only between her legs but also down her top.

With everyone more than a bit drunk, in all the twisted, leg spreading, and falling down laughing positions that Katherine bent her body in , it was impossibly difficult for the men not to touch, feel, caress, and grope Kathy's voluptuous body, while she accidently touched the men, where no newlywed bride should be touching any man, other than her newlywed husband. By the time the game was over, the men were out of their minds with lust for Charlie's new bride. If he gave them the word, which he didn't, of course, since that wasn't part of Jack's instruction, they'd be all over Kathy in a wild orgy, a gangbang of unbridled group sex. According to Jack group sex, wild orgies, and gangbangs was his advanced lesson, given to couples after they've been married for a longer period of time. Yet, this experiment of maintaining the sexual passion in Charlie's marriage wasn't about anyone, but Charlie, having sex with Kathy. It was about exhibitionism and voyeurism.

It was very late and they were all very drunk. When Kathy excused herself to retire to bed for the evening, Charlie invited his friends to his backyard and onto his back deck for a nightcap and for an unexpected and a much appreciated peep show.

"Shhh! If you guys stay here and be very quiet, you'll have a front row seat to Kathy getting ready for bed."

So happy that Jack was helping him to keep the passion in his marriage brightly burning, he couldn't wait to tell Katherine later that all the guys had seen her in her bra and panty getting ready for bed. He was excited with the thoughts of her giving him hot pillow talk, just as Jack said she would. He couldn't wait for the hot sex they'd have during their round of pillow talk, once Katherine knew she had been so exposed to the men.

No doubt figuring that no one was out in the backyard at this early morning hour and still drunk enough not to notice that the curtains were open enough for the men to have a great view of her changing, Kathy turned on the light and clicked on the air conditioning, when she entered the bedroom. The hum of the air conditioning helped quell whatever sounds were outside on the deck. With the bedroom light on, the bedroom drapes open, and the backyard light off, the interior light reflected back in the room and Kathy could only see her own reflection. Even though the men could clearly see Kathy, unless the men stood directly in front of the sliding glass door that led out to the back deck, she couldn't see them.

Charlie's three friends watched as Kathy slowly unbuttoned her white blouse. With each unbuttoned button, the men saw more of Kathy's beautiful bra clad breasts. Finally, she removed her blouse, neatly folded it, and put it on the bed. Standing there in her white 36C bra and navy blue short skirt, she reached around behind her and unbuttoned and unzipped her skirt and allowed it to fall to the floor, before reaching down, picking it up, and neatly folding that, too.

Now, standing in her bedroom in her bra and matching bikini panty in plain view of the men, she turned her back to them and leaned at the waist to put her skirt in the dresser and hung her blouse on the hanger. Her bikini panty wore much like a thong and they had a wonderful view of her shapely ass cheeks. Then, with a head full of champagne and a mind full of thoughts about tomorrow, she turned to face the men.

Show over. At this point, Charlie truly figured that either his wife would collapse and go to bed in her sexy bra and panty or turn off the light, before removing her underwear. What happened next, shocked him, as much as it shocked his three friends. He never expected his wife to get naked. He figured, knowing that he and the guys were out on the deck watching her, that she'd stop the strip tease exhibitionist show with flashing them her lingerie. He never anticipated she'd do a female version of a Full Monty.

Much in the way of Mandy Pepperidge, played by Mary Louise Weller in Animal House, when she removed her bra in view of John Blutarsky, played by John Belushi, when standing on the ladder by her bedroom window, mindlessly, Katherine reached around behind her and unhooked her bra. With all of the men holding their breath, including Charlie, the men were silent, as she peeled the straps from her shoulders and removed her bra to expose her naked breasts. She had amazing, natural breasts. Maybe because she was drunk, cold, or excited, but her nipples were erect, so very erect that every man did their involuntary impersonation of a goldfish or a baby needing to take their mother's nipple in their mouth. Then, in one fluid motion, she removed her panty from her body to expose her shaved pussy and her round, shapely ass to the men.