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Vivian Kwong grew up in Australia to Chinese parents. She was kind of small, but entirely gorgeous. It wasn't just me that thought so, at uni I had a constant battle for her attention. Long wavy hair, sparkling eyes, kissable lips. Viv wasn't one to show off her body, but occasionally she would wear a tight knitted jumper and tight jeans. It was enough to show she might look good undressed.
I was one of the lucky ones to find out, albeit briefly and in the dark. As much as anyone could date Viv, I dated her. Frankly it was more like a series of dates than dating. I lived in a house-share and if she was over when no one else was home, occasionally she would relent and come into my room. Occasionally she would relent and let me undress her. Occasionally she would relent and open her legs. But there were conditions. Under the sheets, which better be clean. Lights off or down. No condom, no fuck; and she wasn't the one to put it on. Her pussy may not be shaved. No toys. No tying her to a bedpost. No photos. And she did not suck cock. Neither did she stay over. Her parents had never fully integrated into their new society; they were strict about where all three of their daughters were.
"I can't work you out. When I finger you, you cum. When I fuck you, you cum. I don't understand why you don't wanna do this more often and in more ways?"
"Just be thankful for what you have!" Viv would chide me in return. "Some boys don't even get that!"
"How many boys are you dating?" I would frown, but never get a straight answer.
"I'm not good at being a girlfriend. I don't like being obliged to do things for someone."
"You're saying you're selfish?"
"Maybe?" she would grin cheekily, and get away with it. She was gorgeous; and coughed her pussy up just enough to keep me doting after her without committing to me. I wondered how many others she did that for?
She was clever though, was Vivian. She never played me off against other boys in person. If she was there with me, she was with me. For that night she held my arm like a girlfriend would. She would come to my family dinners as if we were together. Anything that might have happened with other boys was done away from me. Sometimes a friend would feedback they had seen her sitting on the lap of a boy all night at a party or doing her shirt buttons up coming out of a movie theatre, but If she did kiss other boys, she never rubbed it in my face.
It was terrible of me, but I did find myself 'projecting' when it came to my relationships with other girls. I didn't want to commit to someone on the ridiculous hope that Vivian would grow commitment to me. I kept thinking it would come over time. The things we did, any normal girl should want more. If we did go to bed, I could get Viv to lay on me face upward, cock inside her - and I would hold her fingers and use them to fiddle with her own clit. I was making her finger herself as she was fucked from below. It would drive her nuts. It was the sort of dirty sex orgasm that you would expect a girl to hold onto and never let go. Not Vivian. She would put her clunky bra back on, her stodgy pants and old-lace dress, and go home. I'd get a hug and peck on the cheek if I was lucky. Maybe a thank you. I kept hoping. It never happened. Eventually I took the plunge and properly dated someone else. Eliza. We worked together at a bar on weekends. I'd been doing to her what Vivian had been doing to me, so I broke the cycle and dated her properly. I didn't tell Vivian as such, but neither did I ask her out on any more dates. It was only then that I fully realized that it had only ever been me that brought Viv and I together. In the absence of me asking, it just stopped. We'd still see each other at uni (Eliza didn't study, bless her), and Viv and I would talk and have lunch, and things were still remarkably good. We just didn't date. Or fuck.
The next time we saw each other outside of uni was perhaps four months later. A friend of both of us had rented a surf club at the beach for their twenty-first birthday. It was a raucous affair, with a band and kegs of beer and gatecrashers. Of course, it became a massive spontaneous event that had police threatening to shut down every forty-five minutes, i.e. a great party. Eliza was working and the guy that drove Viv to the party was swiftly discarded once she saw me drinking beers on the long balcony overlooking the moonlit beach.
"It's too noisy, I can't talk in there," I said casually, as if she was just another friend.
"Can't talk out here, either, when it's just you yourself."
"You're here now," I smiled politely.
"Where's your girlfriend?" Viv asked in a nice way.
"You heard about that, huh?"
"Why else would you be ignoring me?" she asked. Seamlessly Viv came in close and hugged me, hiding from the salty wind. "She's not here now?" she asked.
"Working. Who gave you a lift?"
"Simon."
"You with him now?"
"No! He's just a friend."
I wondered if she used to say that about me?
"Do you have a drink?" I asked, knowing that she rarely drank alcohol.
"Get me one?" she asked. I was surprised. Even more so when she was stood in the same place when I got back. And she stood near me the whole night. It felt like the old days, like one of our dates. Especially when I got her down on the beach, stood against the dark wall of the club. Kissing her again was like going home. My hand in her pants was like going home. Her not putting her hand in my pants was equally familiar.
"Come back to my place?" I begged. "Let's do it properly."
"It's late."
"You've been home later."
"You have a girlfriend."
"So?" I asked. We were kissing. My fingers were in her pussy. If having a girlfriend made a difference, it should have been at an earlier stage than that.
"I can't, you have a girlfriend," she said slipping from my arms, doing her jeans back up and finding her way to a taxi. I watched her leave and sighed. At least I had the party to go back to, I had some catching up to do on the keg. And Eliza, I still had Eliza.
Until I didn't.
It was my own fault. I knew Eliza was already touchy about my history with Vivian. She knew I had chased her for ages and was always probing to see if I really was over her. I shouldn't have been so obviously clinging to Vivian at the party, it wasn't too hard to figure it would get back to her. And even worse, someone had told her Viv and I came out of a dark spot on the beach with Viv pulling her pants back up.
"They were never down! That's a lie! Only undone!"
It didn't help. I deserved it. I deserved Vivian. She was apologetic about messing things up for me.
"At least we can do this again," she consoled me. I sat on my bed, pulling her pants down as she stood in front of me.
"Can you stay?"
"You know I can't do that."
Or a whole lot of other things.
And so as much as I tried to pull myself out of the mire, I was right back where I began. I didn't blame anyone else, except fate perhaps. I was resigned to a mediocre love life. Sporadic exhilaration followed by long periods of doldrums.
I know what you're thinking. You're not that clever. Every member of my family and every friend I had said the same thing. Get the hell away from that woman. They didn't blame her, they blamed me. It wasn't Vivian's fault she wasn't in love. But it was my fault I couldn't leave her in peace.
"Does she ask you on dates?" my sister asked.
"No."
"Does she suggest she comes over for sex?"
"No."
"Then...anything to learn from that?"
Of course, there was. Let the poor girl be.
I didn't though. I couldn't. Though I guess other guys couldn't either. I kept hearing of that Simon guy taking her out, too. And there was a super tall Asian guy one of my friends saw her reaching up high to kiss in a night club. But as always when Vivian was with me she was as sweet as ever, and on every fourth date or so she'd take off her pants in the dark then go home.
"I have a charity night," I told Viv one afternoon at uni. "A big one. My old school's annual alumni fundraiser. Black tie."
I knew that would hook her. My high school was old and prestigious. One thing that attracted Vivian like a moth to a flame was anything glamorous; an event that would likely make it to the social pages photos.
"I have a ticket. Can I take you?"
It was the first time I'd heard her say yes before asking where or when or what time?
Vivian knew how to dress black tie. It was the one time she allowed herself to look sexy. Deep red. Plunge front, backless, hair tied up. Just the right level of make-up.
"Viv, I can see your tits, you know that right?" I whispered as we sat at our table. Her dress fell forward whenever she moved.
"You complaining?" she smiled.
"Not at all. But you will be coming back to my place tonight. No way you're not getting fucked later."
"Okay," she grinned.
We ate, danced, talked, met all my old classmates and teachers. People winked at me as they stared in at Vivian's nipples.
"I still can't believe you don't care," I said to her on the dance floor.
"Made you hard, right?" she teased, pushing against my boner.
"This is not the Vivian I know."
"You don't take me to parties like this enough, then," she protested.
"Clearly not," I agreed, trying to wrack my brain on what other black-tie events I'd ever come across.
After dinner there was an auction and a raffle. I was priced out of every auction item, the cheapest on offer was five hundred dollars; fortunately, enough parents were present to give the night a good kitty. I did buy a ten-dollar raffle ticket. Just one.
When they drew me at second prize, I felt guilty. I know a lot of my old classmates had bought more and they'd given me shit for being such a tight-ass. To then win a major prize, I felt the daggers on me as I went up on stage to collect.
Flight for two to Bali. Five nights accommodation at Ayana Resort. A thousand dollars spending money.
I have to say my first thought went to Eliza. How could I get her back? It didn't even occur to me that Vivian would come on a trip like that. Five nights, just the two of us, it didn't even enter my mind. We didn't discuss the prize at all. Even after I took her home and fucked her from behind in that beautiful dress, gripping her breasts, I didn't think for a moment of asking her along.
In fact, I messaged Eliza on the Sunday, asking how she was. Not as good as me, obviously, she texted back - along with a photo of the Sunday papers. Deep cleavage Vivian holding tightly and happily to my arm.
"Fuck."
I didn't see Vivian until the following week, and even then it was by chance.
"What's wrong?" I asked her. She didn't look happy with me.
"Nothing."
I almost smiled at how well I knew her by then.
"Nothing huh? Okay I'll leave you be."
"Why you didn't invite me to your trip? You still planning to go with that other girl?"
That floored me. Perhaps I didn't know her so well after all.
"The trip?"
"I was right there when you won it. I let you have sex with me that night, but you didn't even talk with me about it. You really resent me so much?"
I didn't know how to answer. I was stunned. I hadn't given Viv a moment's thought. Even as she said what she said, in the back of my mind I suspected that if Viv wanted me to ask her to come, it was so she had the opportunity to say no. It would keep her in the ascendency. Pandering her whim, I said, "Vivian, I haven't asked any single person to come on my trip with me. I would like you to be the first. May I request you join me for five nights in Bali?"
