Few people notice how others impose strict limits upon their behaviour without either party realising it is being done. We tend to lead lives that are manicured by the prejudices of those around us. Those aware of this soon realise the need to escape these chains in order to be their true selves. This is a story about breaking the chains of conformity.
"You're not wearing that are you?" your friend Katy says as you squeeze into a tight black dress with sides that are held together by a few laces.
You stand in front of the mirror and look yourself up and down. "I can't wear a bra with it," you cup your boobs and pull a face. "It's not too much is it?"
Katy stares at you with an expression you can't read, an internal dialogue going on behind her fabulous made up eyes. After a few seconds she declares "You look amazing, they aren't going to know what hit them."
She comes and stands beside you, "I need a new dress," she gestures at the short but plain purple dress she's wearing, "I've been wearing this one forever," she looks forlorn, "take me dress shopping, you are so good and I'm crap at it."
You reassure Katy that at the next opportunity you will go out find the most amazing new dress. Half an hour later you're sat on an underground train and heading into central London. You can feel that the men in the carriage are looking at your legs and you suddenly feel a little vulnerable and uncomfortable. Being with Katy makes you feel safer but you wish you didn't feel that way.
You get off the train at Leicester Square and headed towards Soho and a club that Katy wants to go to. The club is called "Hi-fives" and supposedly has an over 25 age limit. That appeals to Katy as she tells you "I don't like being surrounded by teenagers."
Inside the club, things don't look too promising. It's only ten o'clock, still early, but there aren't many people in the place and there seems to be a lot of predatory men. You imagine an evening ahead of fending off drunken sweaty men and sigh.
The evening carries on much as you expect, you have a little dance with Katy but you soon tire of the music, a mix of eighties pop classics, never very inspiring. You're about to tell Katy that they you can cross this off your list of places to visit, when a guy comes up to your table and speaks to you.
"Hey, erm, could you girls help me out for a second please?" he says.
Feeling a little deflated herself, Katy takes the lead and replies to him "That depends, I can show you the way to the exit if that helps?"
You smile and hide it with your hand, the guy looks uncomfortable, "Actually, I have a friend over there who is one of those guys that is terrified to talk to women." He pauses looking from you to Katy, "I've just told him that you're just people like us guys and there's nothing to be afraid of."
You sense a bit of irritation in Katy "We're just people like you? That's so flattering." She leans forward slightly "Does this usually work for you?" You cough and suppress a laugh at Sue's reply covering your mouth again.
The guy seems to gather himself, "Look, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to pick you up, if I were doing that then I'd be using those creepy pick-up artist techniques."
"Oh wow, a pick up artist? What are these techniques that you'd use on us?" Katy's eyes go wide with mock admiration.
"Hah, sorry, I respect women too much to be a pick up artist, but I have an interest in psychology so I know the rules of the game even if I don't play it." "I'm Andrew by the way" he says and offers out his hand.
Katy looks at his hand and you see another of those inner conflicts behind her eyes, after a second she takes his hand "I'm Katy, and this is my friend Alyssa." She continues, "So tell me, what are 'the rules of the game' Andrew?"
He takes on a cheeky, somewhat handsome expression and speaks, "The first rule of a pick up is to set a time limit, so your pick up artist, might say 'look, I have to go in five minutes' or something like that." He looks at each of you in turn, "He does that to dispel any fear that you might have of being trapped talking to him."
He smiles, "it also makes me, I mean him, look as if he has better things to be doing." He continues, "Now as it happens I do need to get back to my friend fairly soon as he is quickly going to start to worry that I've ditched him." "That's entirely coincidental however, and I would much rather be talking to you ladies." He flashes that smile again.
Katy replies "Of course" nodding her head and looking sceptical.
Andrew continues "The next rule is that I stand in an non-threatening posture towards you, preferably with my body at 45 degrees or even sideways on" he gestured down. "Like so."
"I thought you were standing funny." she says with wide, unimpressed eyes.
"Yes but that's just me being polite, I mean nobody wants to seem threatening do they?" he grins.
"So what's the third rule?" Katy asks, her eyes locked on him now, as though he is a puzzle to be decoded.
Andrew straightens slightly "Next I should have a rehearsed line that is amusing and will break the ice."
Katy, "Do you?"
Andrew, "Well I can give you an example, but you have to remember that I'm not actually trying to pick you up."
Katy actually smiles a bit "We'll bear that in mind, what is it?"
"Okay, so something like this." he gathers himself up, "There was a study recently of women's behaviour whilst in the shower, that study found that ninety percent of the women surveyed masturbated whilst they were in the shower. It was found that the other ten percent of women sang to themselves instead."
"Do you know what song they sang?" He raises his eyebrows.
Katy looked nonplussed "What?"
Andrew brings up his finger, pointing accusingly at Katy "Ah, so you must be one of the ninety percent that masturbate in the shower."
You laugh and Katy grimaces and sighs "Yes, I'm sure that would work."
Andrew says "I'm just the messenger, I didn't make up the rules" he raises his hands in mock surrender.
"Do you have any more?" You ask and you take a sip of your drink through a straw while watching him.
Andrew continues, "Well here's how it goes, once he's broken the ice the pick up artist will choose his target, if he hasn't already done so." "He will then mostly ignore the target and try to engage other members of the group." You can't help but notice that he is mostly talking to Katy here.
"The idea is to make his target crave his attention, to feel less valuable than her friends." "He may even use 'negging' to further lower his target's self esteem"
"What is negging?" you ask him.
"I'm not sure that you'll understand, but your friend Katy will probably get it." "Negging is when he says negative things about his target in order to make himself seem more dominant and attractive to her." he looks around, "It's an old trick, but I think you'll be safe." He smiles at Katy.
Katy looks at him sharply, "Yes, I think I will." She nods across the room "It looks like your friend might be getting anxious, isn't it time you went back and told him how wonderful and easy it is to talk with women?"
Andrew does a little mock bow with hand flourish "It's been a pleasure ladies." Then he withdraws and makes his way back to where his friend is waiting.
"Knob" Katy says under her breath as he walked away.
You think she's being a bit harsh, "I thought he was quite nice." you counter.
Katy looks at you "I don't know about you but I'm going to need more to drink if that's the kind of guys we're going to meet in here." she looks at your empty glass "I should have got him to buy us some drinks before sending him packing." she takes your hand "Come on, let's go to the bar."
The night draws on and you find yourself dancing alone on the dance floor. You are in the mood for a dance and Katy has disappeared to the restroom and not returned yet. You sway and dance to a tune and glance around to see who's dancing around you.
A little way away you notice Andrew, he sees you and makes eye contact and smiles. You smile back and carry on dancing. A few minutes later he is dancing next to you on the dance floor and catching your eye.
In a brief lull in the music he leans in to you and says "The music in here is terrible, how do you fancy going to a better club?"
You strain to hear him over the noisy club and he continues "I know a place around the corner, do you fancy it?"