To Worship

The sight before me was the physical manifestation of a movie villain's master plan; the idea of destroying everything normal, mundane, human. And from the ashes would arise a terrifying new world. That's what Suzanne was; a movie villain, nothing more nothing less. She was certainly not an undead demon paedophile drug dealer. I just needed to keep telling myself that, as Tomas and I drove straight into the mouth of Hell. "This is darn right creepy," I muttered.

Thankfully, Tomas was polite enough not to comment on my acute observation. Instead, he parked the metallic motorcycle in front of the decrepit wooden structure, before pausing for a moment of silence. "When you fell in love with Josh, you had no idea about his past."

His thought was more of a statement than a question, indicative of the fact that I never had the courage to learn my husband's deepest secret and hidden pain. "Is that why I'm being treated to a reenactment of House of 1000 Corpses?"

"I, myself, would have said Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

"Funny," I muttered, as I looked towards the only entrance; a moldy wooden door that at one time had been painted white. Now it looked like human skin; a burn victim peeling off layers of damage and pain. "Are you ready to see what Suzanne has in store for us?"

I got no reply but didn't bother to turn around. I knew If I looked back, I would lose what little courage I had. Josh survived this world all alone, I could certainly survive a silly little dream." As I entered the creaky, dark room, the door slammed shut. "Hello?"

I could hear a child sobbing. He appeared to be trying to hold his breath out of fear. In the darkness, I had no way of seeing where he was, so I stood in place. "My name is Carolina."

"Lina?" the little voice squeaked.

"Yeah, you can call me that." Squinting my eyes, I could see movement in a far corner. "Are you Josh?"

The shadow-child nodded. When he blinked his eyes, there was no doubt this was my husband. "Please don't hurt me.

"I would never."

"Mama says everyone will hurt me.

"Suzanne said that, not your mother." I had no idea if that was even true. For all I knew Josh's mother abused him just as badly as her drug-addicted lover.

"My real mommy is gone. Suzanne says I belong to her. But I don't want to. I just want to go home."

"I'll get you home." I tried to pick up the little boy but my hands passed right through him. "Put your arms around me."

"I can't," he replied, his little voice terrified.

"Of course, you can't," I said with tears in my eyes. What the hell was I supposed to do? "I'll stay with you."

The little boy nodded, resting his head to my chest. "Are you an angel? My mommy said she'd send me an angel. My real Mommy, not Mama Suzanne."

His body felt cold to the touch but I couldn't stop petting him like a cat. "Do you miss your daddy?"

The boy nodded, cuddling against my skin, like the hamsters I used to have as a child. "Can you help me find my daddy?"

"Of course." I leaned in close, kissing his forehead. "Be brave, I will love you through this.

A demonic laugh shook the room. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

The lights flickered, and suddenly I was in an entirely different scene. The room was a small, well-lit hotel room with pale-yellow walls. There was a single bed, tv and a desk with a laptop.

"Was that supposed to be mine?" I wondered out loud. I took a seat, to see what I could find. Like some kind of sick joke, the screen was plastered with images of a paid escort ad: my ad.

Apparently, in this reality, I was a prostitute who charged only $100 a night. "Let me guess, I'm a low-class bike-riding drug addict too?" Clearly, Suzanne was pulling the strings. I opened a web browser and went straight to yahoo. As I expected, an email account was already signed in. "Let's see what my plans are for tonight."

I couldn't help but smile as I read the latest in a series of conversations. I had been talking to a man in his sixties, an old fisherman from Vancouver named Josh. The sweet older man had found me via a public listing on a dating site. (I was listed as a massage therapist/companion, looking to meet new people.) The retiree had recently lost his husband of thirty years. And as a result, he had fallen into a deep state of depression to which there seemed to be no way out. Apparently, he considered himself to be bisexual, so I was a last-ditch attempt to slap a Band-Aid on his broken soul. That, and soliciting a male prostitute would have felt like cheating on the love of his life.

Since I had a few minutes to kill before our scheduled appointment, I read more. Josh had lost his husband five years ago. He'd tried returning to work, which went well for all of two months before he suffered a partial stroke which left his arm and leg weakened. He was forced into retirement, no wonder he was depressed.

I glanced at the in-room clock. It was nearly time for our meeting. I walked to the door, to see if I could look outside. Standing outside my door was an older man dressed like a fisherman, with full gear including a wool cap. I opened the door, causing him to jump slightly in surprise. "Take a seat, soldier."

"Soldier?" the man chuckled as he took off his hat revealing his shoulder-length dark blonde hair. "Not for a long time." In his opposite hand was a bottle of Jameson Whiskey, the kind that could be found in your average liquor store. "I thought I'd bring a gift, in case one of us needed a shot of courage."

"That's one of my favorites." There were water glasses in the bathroom, so I poured myself an eight-ounce serving. Taking a sip, my mind already started to feel cloudy.

Josh sat on the bed and started to remove his clothes, first his jacket then his shirt. his hands trembled as he struggled with the buttons.

"Let me." I placed my hand atop his, guiding him. His body was strong; thick with muscle and just the right amount of fat to make me want to cuddle. I handed him the cup of whiskey.

Instead of taking a drink, he pulled me close, on to his lap. "Can I kiss you?"

"Of course." I brushed my lips to his, tasting the sweetness of his mouth. "Just lay back" He did as he was told, letting me play with his chest hair. I walked my fingers down his pectorals to his stomach. I could already feel the heat radiating from his cock.

I removed his belt lowering his jeans just enough to examine if he was exactly like my husband. 'Hello old friend,' I giggled to myself. His shaft, was veiny, thick, and overly sensitive. His tip was already soaked with precum. I placed my palm to his shaft, rubbing his tip with my thumb. "You're really sensitive." I reached for his hand, placing it upon his member. "I'm going to take off your boots. I want you to get yourself ready for me."

"Yes, Ma'am." He started to masturbate, vigorously.

I could feel his muscles tighten. Apparently, he was skilled at pleasuring himself. "Slow down, soldier." When I kissed his broad chest, I noticed that, in addition to the cross on his side, he had several new tattoos. "I like your cross. Did you get it for your mother?"

He nodded. "But it's not my favorite."

"Which one is your favorite?"

"You'll have to get my pants off to find out."

"Challenge accepted." When I had him completely undressed, I saw a very unique tattoo on his thigh. The delicate lace-like design went from his hip down to his ankle. It was a black, single-needle image created from several dozen pieces done over a number of years. "Which picture came first; the anchor, the rose?"

"The fish." He turned his leg, revealing a detailed salmon that wrapped from his thigh up his ass, ending just before his crack. "On our first anniversary, I got really drunk, and my partner carved his initials into my leg." On his upper thigh, there was a visible, raised scar. "The next day when he saw how bad of a job he'd done, he looked up how to make a tattoo gun and the rest is history."

"Well, it's beautiful. He was a very talented artist." I could practically picture Josh laying naked on his stomach while Tom tattooed his tight muscular ass.

"My partner died a few years ago; prostate cancer. For the last few months, he was in so much pain. The sickness took everything." Josh blinked tears from his eyes. "I don't want to go out in that much pain."

My heart was breaking, I needed to find a way to make him smile again. "Have you ever been with a woman?"

"Back in high school there was this girl. She had a girl name, one of the states; Georgia, Virginia, something like that."

Was he talking about me?

"It was always kind of funny since she was such a tomboy; with her short blonde hair, she looked like a pixi-rockstar. But holy fuck was she obsessed with my cock."

Yeah, that was undeniably me. "What did she do to you?"

"All throughout high school, she'd hunt me down, just to suck me off. It used to be a game, like hide and seek." His eyes closed, as a smile started to form. "When we were eighteen, she let me take her virginity." He reached for his cock, to resume masturbation. "I wish I could have fucked her."

"You said you took her virginity."

"I used my hands. She was such a little slut. I loved the way her cunt tightened as her body just melted in to my arms. I wonder what she's doing now."

"You're so adorable." I leaned in for a long, sensual kiss. "If you could do it all over again how would you have wanted to fuck her?"

Josh thought for a moment. "I would have wanted to fuck her doggystyle over her bed, while all her stuffed animals watched."

"Stuffed animals? You said she was a tomboy." Although I did, in fact, have a childhood stuffed animal collection.

"You asked me about my fantasy. In my dreams she's a big strong girl with a thick juicy ass and runner's legs. Outside, she could kick my butt any day of the week, but in that bedroom, she'd be my little fuck doll." He was masturbating hard, lifting his hips to allow me a view of his ball sack.

"Keep your legs spread." I took his throbbing testicles in my mouth, sucking, licking, kissing, until I could taste his asshole.

"You're a real nasty one," he said with a gasp. Clearly, I was more than he expected.

"Damn right." I was about to let him climax, when suddenly there was a knock at the door. "What the?" I sat up, gasping for air. I turned just in time to see the door opening on its own.

Tomas entered the room, bathed in an aura of white light. He was wearing fishing gear; jacket, thick winter clothes, even waders.

Josh slowly sat up, placing his weight on his elbows, then his hands. "Tom? Is that really you?"

"Hey, Josh." Tom casually replied as he let the door shut behind him.

Josh looked on in awe as he reached for my hand. "Do you see him too?"

"Yes, I do." The pieces were coming together: Tomas was from another timeline.

Tomas was removing clothing as he made his way to the bed. Each layer of clothing was brighter and more pristine, until finally he took off his shirt, revealing angel wings.

"Tomas, how are you here?"

"I've always been here." He reached for my hand placing it upon Josh's chest. "I wanted you to have a family. When you kiss, you will see a life time of joy."

I did as he asked, and leaned in for a soft, tender kiss. Josh tasted like the ocean, sweet with a hint of salt and sweat. My eyes closed all on their own, preparing for the scene. I saw our first date, our small courthouse wedding, traveling to see him graduate from basic training. I could practically feel the strength of his arms as he held me close. I saw the moment I gave birth to Christina. My husband had tears in his eyes as he held our perfect little miracle.

I blinked my eyes and we were sitting outside our trailer. Little Christina had somehow crawled to a mudpuddle. Upon seeing her splashing her little toddler arms I went for a towel, but before I could even make it back in the house, she stood up and took her first steps, right into her daddy's arms.

I would have loved to live forever in that memory but it was not to be. I opened my eyes to find myself naked in bed with the two older fishermen. I leaned over and kissed Tomas' lips. "What about you Tom? How do you know my husband?

Tom stroked my cheek, moving a lock of hair behind my ear. "I think you mean 'Our husband.'"

I wanted to laugh. "Because love is a beautiful thing."

Tom placed his finger gently to my eyes. "Love is a force of nature."

For a moment I saw darkness, followed by the typical squiggles on the inside of my eyelids. These lights and colors formed into a movie screen, projecting a cinematic tale in my line of sight.

I saw a vision of Josh as an eighteen-year-old soldier, stepping off a bus, in full camo gear. He had no friends or family waiting for him. Evidently, this was an alternate timeline where I didn't accept his marriage proposal. He sat on a bench and lit a cigarette taking a moment to reflect before going into a VA hospital. He apparently had a meeting with a job placement coordinator in Alaska.

I observed the brief conversation; Josh had served out his contract as an army engineer, before moving on to Alaska to look for work on a fishing boat. He had some experience with hunting, fishing, and repair work. He just needed to find a captain willing to apprentice him. Luckily this would not be an issue as Alaska was always looking for fishermen and people to take long-term jobs that required backbreaking labor.

This was how he met Tomas Adele. At age thirty-seven, he had inherited a boat from his father, along with five crew members none of which knew basic repair work. He was more than happy to take on Josh as an apprentice, even offering him a living space aboard the boat rent free.

Josh wasn't even required to interview. He just arrived at the boat to the sight of the friendly older man with the warm, fatherly smile. Since the other crewmembers had families to go home to, Tom welcomed the chance to have company. They shared stories of their travels; their small town lives. Josh was a hard worker and even taught Tomas new ways to repair electrical issues. In return, Tomas taught him how to carve personal items out of wood and stone. All while drinking copious amounts of whiskey and rum.

Tom became like a father figure; Josh could come to him with any topic, from relationships to physical fitness, and dreams for the future. In this reality, Josh's own father had committed suicide just a few days after his graduation from basic training. In Josh's own words, his heart was broken, "He must have just assumed I would be ok with it. I was off on my own with a real job and a chance at higher education. I'm not even mad," he said with a forced chuckle. "I know he loved me, but I'm just so alone."

Things came to ahead, on a three-day excursion to the frozen north. On the second day, Josh awoke deathly ill. His body ached and his skin was flush with fever. The younger man had been sick prior to the journey but unable to seek medical care in the remote village. Plus, in this world all he had was his job.

Tom had limited medical knowledge but he knew from experience how to care for sick animals. So, while the remaining crew worked on the tasks of the main boat, Tom took it upon himself to care for Josh, never leaving his side.

"Daddy?" the words slipped from Josh's mouth in a soft breath. "Is that you?"

Tomas had no way of knowing if this meant his friend was close to death or just hallucinating. So, his next words came from a place of comfort and compassion. "Yes, Josh. I'm here and I always will be."

I watched as Tomas walked his fingers down Josh's heaving chest, settling just below his sternum.

Josh turned his head. With eyes closed, he parted his lips to speak. "Will you hold me?"

"Of course," Tom's voice choked with emotion as he kissed the younger man's forehead. "Try to get some rest."

Josh nodded ever so slightly. His mouth was agape; lips parted like a baby bird awaiting a meal. With every breath, he was craving a connection.

Tomas kissed the bridge of Josh's nose, down to the tip. His mouth hovered over Josh's pouty lips, as if unsure if it was safe to proceed.

"Please, Daddy." With each kiss Josh took a breath, moaning with intense pleasure. "I want you."

Tomas leaned forward, finally allowing their rough chapped lips to touch. It was still an abnormally cautious move, one that he could easily explain away. Clearly this was Tomas' first-ever sexual encounter with a man. He needed to be sure this was real (and not a fever dream that Josh would awaken from, with a mind full of regret.)

The moment their breath became one, a fire ignited in their bodies and souls, casting away any sense of doubt. Josh's hands cupped his lover's rough, unshaven face. They locked eyes for what felt like forever before Josh pulled Tomas close for a deep, long, passionate kiss.

When they finally separated for breath, both men seemed entranced, held by a force beyond explanation. Tomas removed his shirt, stripping down to his broad chest, covered in sweaty, salt-and-pepper body hair. The older man guided Josh's hand, as he opened his belt, to remove his pants.

Josh's hand drifted to Tomas's shaft. "Can I touch you, Daddy?"

His words washed away any doubt. "Yes, please."

They shared a bed, with Tomas holding him close. Eventually, Josh's fever broke. Covered in sweat, lying naked in his mentor's strong arms. That was the first time they made love, kindling a relationship that would last for three decades.

"Wow, just wow." I opened my eyes, laughing out of pure joy. Their love was real. Comparing apples to apples; Tomas had been with Josh for longer than I had, he saved my best friend from a life of heartache. Was I happy for them? Truthfully, I actually was. Part of me wanted to know what happened to the alt version of myself. What was so important that I gave up on my high school sweetheart, the best man I'd ever known?

"You good?" Tomas asked. He patted my arm like a loving supportive friend.

"I'm fine." Or as fine as I could hope to be. Looking down at my current state of undress, I had my answer. In this reality, I'd never left home, went to a local school, couldn't find a job or a man to call my own. Those events compiled, creating the cheap hooker I had become. "I think I need a drink." I moved to the side of the bed, letting Tomas have Josh while I took a sip from the half-full glass. I didn't deserve him. In this world I messed up so badly, I had no right to intrude on their happiness. I sat on the chair, legs spread, ready to watch the action unfold.

Tomas cupped Josh's face, kissing his mouth down his chin. "Do you remember when I used to drink shots of whiskey off your chest? It would start out in a shot glass, then after a few rounds, I'd just be bathing you in it. just to lick it off."

Josh smiled, his face a vision of ecstasy. "The bottle's over there."

"Don't mind if I do." Tom went after the bottle taking a long swig. Straddling Josh's hips, Tom spit on his free hand, preparing to masturbate (while still holding the bottle.) Tom jerked himself off, coaxing out shimmery precum the color of ocean waves.

I had to admit I was impressed. I was about to see what angel cum looked like.

Josh sat up, and kissed his lover's chest. "I almost forgot how good you taste."

"I taste as good as you remember." Tomas put his arms around Josh, as he penetrated him in the missionary position. There was so much sparkly blue lube, the liquid, it oozed out of my husband's tight hole. "Did you miss your Daddy?"

"More than words can ever say." Josh was gasping, panting like a dog in heat.

It was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. I needed to be closer, so I invited myself back to the bed.

I gripped my husband's chest, stroking my nails along his pectoral, down his nipple. The way he flinched when I gave it a firm tug, made me uncontrollably wet.