It was something I should have owned, I mean what self described Beatles fan could seriously call himself a fan without owning The White Album? The White Album which really wasn't the title of the album, its actual title was simply The Beatles and yet that's all I heard, man you gotta get The White Album. Yeah I had Sergeant Pepper's, Magical Mystery Tour, Let it Be and even Rubber Soul, but when it came time to fork out for a double album I didn't, telling myself that I could always listen to my best friend Tim's copy. That good idea lasted about six months when we both went off to college in different corners of the state.
So now, I'm pushing my mid fifties and I still lust after that album, or now that remastered CD. Yeah, I guess I could get it at Amazon, or other music store, but I don't know, it just didn't seem right to get it there, I decided I would try to save money by buying it on Ebay. This good idea lasted just a few weeks while I missed auction after auction getting outbid by pennies every single time. Well, I have to admit I am one who gets caught up in the bidding and damn if I really didn't screw up my bid.
The prize was a mint condition CD in the original store wrapping. It had never been played, it had been inside a non smoking household, and bidding started at one penny. There it was, I had to have it so I went in and put down a bid only to see it immediately countered. I bid again and it was countered again. After about seven bids I was getting tired of the game so I did something I am not particularly proud of. I contacted the seller directly and convinced him to pull the auction. In return I would purchase the CD by letting him, damn, I can't believe I did this, by letting him fuck my wife.
Well he was ready to go, but came back with one counteroffer, he got to fuck my wife with me watching. Damn, I had already gone over the deep end, why not go all the way. I emailed him back and accepted his offer. I bought The White Album CD for the purchase price of letting some punk kid fuck my wife while I watched.
Okay, I'm not a complete fool and there was no way I was going to approach my wife with this deal, instead I called a friend, who called a friend and after a quick drove down South Main Street, I was in the company of my wife for the evening. Now life for a pro like this is not easy, so the thirty year old woman I picked up did look as if she could pass for my fifty year old wife.
As I drove to the kid's apartment I coached the woman in what her part in the whole transaction would be. She had been around a while and was pretty good at play acting but as she put it, "You know honey, in all the years I've done this, you're the first guy to ask me to act like his wife."
She made a good point, but convinced me she was ready and able for the part. When I pulled up to the apartment and rung the doorbell I found myself looking at a punk who looked to be fifteen. I was ready to call the whole thing off when he pulled out an ID that certified he was twenty five years old.
"Oh come on kid, that ID is as fake as my wife's tits," I said, pointing to my "wife."
"Hell, these tits are 100% natural, and I paid good money for them to be that way," the hooker replied.
The punk kid shook his head, "Look, I've always looked younger than I am. See here," he said pointing to a Texas A&M diploma.
"Yeah, what did you major in?"
"Computer science," he replied. He then pulled out a passport and said, "I even have a birth certificate..."
"No, no that's okay," I replied. "Well, here you are, here's my wife."
I stepped aside and let the hooker walk into the room. The kid swallowed hard and then said, "She is pretty."
