Chapter Four: Sweet Heat
The next morning, Valarie awoke with a slight headache and a stale taste in her mouth. She rolled over, aware that she was nude. She tried to remember what happened after Travers had taken her upstairs at the end of the party. She had visions of him humping her furiously while she drifted in and out of consciousness. For an older man, he had a lot of energy. She rolled over slowly, realizing he wasn't in the bed with her. She saw a note on the night stand and read it.
"Went to work early this morning. Take the morning off. See you this afternoon. Realize we haven't given you any cash, so here's some for breakfast or whatever. Thanks for being a good sport last night. Billy."
She sat up and counted five $20 bills. She felt a pit in her stomach. She felt dirty and tired and like she'd been used. All for $100. What had she turned herself into?
She showered, brushed her teeth and put on a yellow thong, some tight denim shorts and a pale yellow t-shirt. She wanted to put on sweat pants, a sweatshirt and some regular panties and bra. But she realized those "regular" clothes would be back at her hotel room -- the guys were only going to keep specialty clothing at their places. Well, she'd dress a little more normally when she got home and maybe that would help bring her out of her funk.
The sight of her shiny new car parked outside helped a little, though she still felt guilty about tucking the $100 in her tight pockets. Did taking it make her a whore? And had she really earned it? She didn't think so. She felt like she'd let Travers down last night. She hadn't become a cum slut and she had practically been unconscious the last time he fucked her. She hadn't yet mastered walking or dancing in extreme high heels, she struggled to keep her poise and appearance in the front of her mind at all times. And she had never before doubted or resented the size of her average breasts the way she did now.
A few weeks ago she had been a confident, happy young woman with a sweet boyfriend, loving family and options aplenty. Then, her boyfriend left, she made a rash decision to start fresh in a new country and so far, as much as she liked the States, she'd not been able to figure out a way to live that didn't involve her trading sexual favors. She felt like a failure and, oddly, what disappointed her the most was that she didn't feel like she was living up to the expectations of Travers, Nelson and Roy.
"You're a stupid little bitch," she chastised herself, driving fast on the expressway, the cool morning air offering a chilly ride with the top down and so few clothes to insulate her. She told herself to stop feeling sorry for herself. She wanted to blame Sebastian, the landlord, the guys at the firm for her decisions, her failings. But it was all her fault. She knew she and Sebastian wouldn't be together forever, so why had she clung to him for so long? She could have figured out other options for her apartment. She kicked herself for giving into the dirty landlord too easily. And she didn't have to accept the offer at the law firm. So far, they had stuck exactly to what had been agreed upon. They had made it clear what they expected of her and how she would be treated. She had been fucked and shown off publicly, but not harmed. And they had backed up what they had said about fine clothes, plush accommodations, a car, dinners, etc. If she had made a poor decision, it was her fault, not theirs. She had fooled herself into thinking she didn't have options. She had been drawn in by the promise of working for a big firm. She had loved the promise of the comfortable lifestyle. And, yes, she was attracted to them and excited at some level about being a sex object. Didn't every woman long for that status at some point in their lives?
She sped to her hotel and went upstairs, anxious to change into some sweats and spend the rest of the morning huddled on the couch watching bad TV. She looked through her closet and drawers but could find none of her old clothes. Then it hit her. They had gotten rid of them. All that was left was her new sexy, slutty, revealing clothes. She flopped on the bed and lay back, closing her eyes and clearing her head.
"OK, think Valarie," she said to herself. "You have to make a decision and whatever you decide, you better commit to it." She grabbed a notepad and pen and started jotting down her thoughts and feelings, eventually boiling everything down into a few key points. If she was going to leave, she needed to do it today. She owed them that much. If she was going to stay, she needed to commit to it, get over her apprehensions and shame and fears and be the slut they wanted her to be.
Suddenly, it hit her. That was the problem. She didn't know how to be that sexy girl they wanted. She was trying to be too much too soon. That was making her feel inadequate and her resentment made her feel used. Ahh, those crazy mood swings. She understood now. All Travers and the others had asked of her -- over and over again -- was that she have an open mind, obey commands, give it her best and, above all, be honest. That last part was the one that had been tripping her up. She'd had moments of honesty when she'd admitted not liking cum or being worried about certain public displays. But she hadn't been completely honest with them. She needed to tell them that she felt awkward at times, that she still didn't like the taste of cum and doubted she ever would, that she was self-conscious about her breasts and that she worried that being a slut would make her less of a lawyer. They weren't asking her to be more than they felt she was or could be, so why should she. Let them train you, she told herself. Let them be disappointed from time to time. Make them show you what they want and how they want it. Don't try to anticipate every little thing.
The more she thought, the more she realized she had already made her decision. She was staying and her mind was now working on accepting that it was OK to be reluctant and vulnerable at times. Going from good girl next door to naughty teasing sex tart was going to take time. She now realized what the guys had known all along.
For the first time in days, the knot left her stomach, her head stopped buzzing and she felt clear-headed and alert. I can do this, she told herself, and if I can't, no one will be able to say I didn't give it my best shot.
Feeling suddenly energetic and excited, Valarie threw on a pair of tiny pink athletic shorts, a tinier white tank top and some tennis shoes and headed to the gym a few blocks away. The guys had provided her with a membership and she went in intent on working off some stress while keeping her body toned and lean for them. She made a mental note to ask them about setting aside a few hours every week for this so she could be at her peak physically for them. She was sure if she phrased it that way they would agree to it.
She ran five miles on the jogging track and did a series of light weights, sit-ups and stretches. She was halfway through her workout before she realized that guys were looking at her. Her tiny shorts revealed that she was wearing a thong and her little tank top displayed her firm nipples. She had already grown accustomed enough to wearing tight, revealing clothing that it hadn't dawned on her that this outfit was certainly more inviting than average, even in the era of short shorts and sports bras. Her skin was slick and shiny with sweat and she was bending her flexible body into some pretty enticing positions. She wondered what they thought of her. Did they think she was too flat-chested and tomboyish? Did they think she was cute? Did they think she looked like a slut?
She smiled back at some of them and said hello to those who addressed her. A couple hit on her, but she politely told them she had a boyfriend -- not mentioning that she actually had three.
Before she left, she looked in on a few classes, noting that Pilates looked like fun, as did some of the aerobic dance classes. She wouldn't mind swimming a few laps in the pool, but worried that her barely there bikinis and scandalous slings might get her kicked out.
She went back to her hotel room to shower and get ready for an afternoon of work. She felt refreshed, both mentally and physically, and looked forward to a few hours of work with no sex involved. She wasn't sure what she'd do after work, but a few hours of solitude sounded good. She might take that $100 Travers had left for her and treat herself to a massage. That sounded like a great start to the evening.
She arrived at work in a great mood. She was wearing a black leather mini skirt with a zipper that ran straight up the back. The skirt came down about two inches past her ass cheeks, several inches shy of reaching the black thigh-high stockings she was wearing. She wore a black thong underneath. On top, she had on a simple white blouse that wouldn't have garnered much attention except that it was too small, the tails reaching only her belly button and the tight top making her breasts look larger than they really were. She took advantage of the opportunity to show a hint of cleavage by leaving the top two buttons undone. A sexy outfit, indeed, but tamer than she would probably wear most days at work and certainly more conservative than her "date" attire had been so far.
"You seem like you're in a good mood," Nelson said.