I needed some time out from the office and I was in Waterstones bookshop in Warrington at lunchtime. I was wearing a gray business suit over black stockings and high-heel pumps feeling smart but not at all provocative. I was looking for a collection of Shel Silverstein poems for my niece and discovered that the poetry books were located on the bottom shelf in the children's section; so there I was crouched down, trying to retain some decorum, knowing my skirt was riding up, when suddenly I became aware of a man sitting with a child (grandchild?) who was colouring in a 'design the Queen's Jubilee Knickers' sheet at the table nearby. I smiled to myself as I realised his eyes were locked on my stocking tops which by then were just peeking below my skirt hem.
The Queen's Jubilee Knickers... now there's a thought! No, I really mustn't go there if I want to keep my sanity; who on Earth thinks up these competitions anyway? But I must confess that an involuntary smile spread across my face when I thought of my own Jubilee knickers.
Like so many English villages, Winwick had been planning its Jubilee bank-holiday party for months and I'd been on the look out for just the right outfit. Something tasteful yet Jubilee themed; a laudable aspiration... but the two seemed to be mutually exclusive until I found the most amazing, hand printed dress in the graduation exhibition at the local design school in Manchester. The designer was Lisa's most promising student and she persuaded me I would be making an investment I wouldn't regret when her protΓ©gΓ© becomes famous.
To call it a T-shirt dress doesn't remotely do it justice, but the fabric was silky soft cotton and it flowed over my curves like smooth chocolate over a strawberry. Bat-wing sleeves, scoop neckline and drop waist; the print inspired by a fragmented and faded Union jack with black teardrops raining down to an inky pool at the hem which sat comfortingly close around my thighs. I loved the dress and I loved the feel of it against my skin and when I looked in the mirror, I couldn't help but smile, but what to wear under it? Everything I tried ruined the line and destroyed the feeling of being caressed as I moved.
Lisa looked at me across the paint spattered bench in her garden studio, puzzlement in her eyes. I'd just described the entire inventory of La Senza; Victoria's Secret; Pink; even M&S, and all the reasons nothing was right.