I knew that I had been ordered to report to my local county health clinic for my male body-type statistical metrics exam. It either simply slipped my mind, or perhaps more reasonably, I chose to ignore the date of my exam, for what had become known by then as the Penis Inspection. You see, every male from the age of 18 through 60, under what was called the Male Statistical and Bodily Analysis Act, had to be examined by either qualified medical professionals, or as became obvious later, by those trained by qualified medical professionals. It all started about 5 or 6 years ago, when a woman by the name of Katrina Van Zanter, MD, had released a book detailing her research and findings in the field of Male Body Metrics, or the science of measuring men's bodies.
It seems that Van Zanter had determined, after extensive study on volunteers and the prisoners in the New York State penal system, that men's behaviors or even personalities could largely be predicted based on the dimensions of their body parts. We're talking chest width, overall height, hand measurements, feet measurements, throat, neck, waist, and then....yes... the male manhood. That's right. Katrina had decided that a great deal of guy's behavior seemed to be tied to the size of their private parts. And she was very specific. She used "manhood" as a term to indicate not the penis, but both the penis and testicles together.
In fact, her book ('The Science of MSBA") used these terms so much that eventually Dr. Van Zanter found herself actually using terms like member, at first, and then going all the way with "cock." And balls. Boy, did she use balls.
And that was only the first third of the book. I hadn't gotten through the tough science part. But as far as I knew, and all the news outlet's reported, the bigger the penis, the more at risk the male for "seriously immoral acts." Still, though her findings were collaborated, it raised quite a stir. That might not have lead to the new laws but for the recent rash of crimes, kidnappings, and two terrorist acts, as well as an actual rape in the White House. The rash of news coverage, and clamorings from female politicians, meant that soon we had the Male Statistical and Bodily Analysis Act.
Bottom line: At least one woman would have to see me...gulp...completely and absolutely bare-assed naked.
So probably, that's why I plum forgot about my inspection date. I didn't even bother to open up the follow up letter sent to me when I didn't come in. Then one day, I got a knock at my apartment door.
"Whooooo issss itttt," I humorously asked, unaware of my soon-to-be torment.
"It's the ladies from the local male metrics," came the reply. Gulp.
"Ah, hold on a second." I had just come home from work, expecting to rest and then go out on the town. Now, I was probably about to be reprimanded for not showing up for my penis inspection. I opened the door to find two VERY young Asian girls. It took me a couple of seconds to remember them as my neighbors from down the hall. A couple of cute Korean girls. Sisters, I think.
"Hi, Robert?"
They knew my name!
"Yes, that's me," I barely got that out of my now dry throat.
"Hello. You know we're your neighbors from down the hall, but we're also helping out the Male Metrics Board."
I replied: "Oh, yes, come in, please, both of you-have a seat."
They both flashed some smiles at me and then sat down. They were both Korean girls that had moved into the building about a year prior. I was always opening doors for them, helping with their groceries, and sneaking looks. I even checked out their mom. Somehow, I hadn't thought they ever caught me doing this. But I wasn't worried. I figured they were merely employees of the board here to do a preliminary interview or give me a new date for reporting in for my inspection. They were awfully cute. These were not skinny girls. They had cute round faces, and even rounder butts. The tall one was a nice 15 pounds over weight and the short one a bit more, but mostly in the ass where I liked it.
The tall one continued "I am Esther and this is Monica Lee. I guess you know we're sisters." After a pause she went on, "Well, as you know, we live in the neighborhood. The board hires assistants who are familiar with the area, so as to make sure that every male gets inspected."
"You mean examined?" I said, expressing some male bravado.
"NO, we mean inspected" came Monica's sharp reply. "We adhere strictly to Dr. Van Zanter's terminology and methods," was what she said.
I knew the words had been put right into her mouth. She even slowed her speech a little around those big words. Clearly, she had been told how to reply to such questions. She had been well trained, and obviously some woman had warned her about potential smart alecks like me.
