The Nudists Next Door

^^^

I walked into my bedroom, flipped the light switch, and undressed for bed. I stripped to my underwear. I stepped to the window and looked at the full moon. It was big and bright.

I scratched my balls.

The light in the bedroom in the house next door came on and drew my attention. I saw a young woman wearing red pants enter. She pulled the sports bra she was wearing over her head.

Her arms got tangled in it, and the bra covered her head. Her torso faced me. She had a tiny waist, thin hips, and small boobs. Her small breasts suited her petite frame.

I smiled because I loved her nipples, or more precisely, I loved her dark reddish nipples and areolas. Normally, this pigmented portion of a woman's breasts is an inch and a half in diameter. The nips on this cutie had to be two and a half inches wide.

Their deep color caught my eye even though she had a nice tan.

I stopped jostling my balls and stared. The slender woman was spasming. No. She was bent over and laughing.

A woman old enough to be her mother entered the room. The second woman was naked. She, too, had a lovely all-body tan. Her build was bigger, but by no means was she fat. She had the curves and breasts the other woman lacked. Her vagina had no hair.

She laughed and assisted the younger woman in escaping from the sports bra.

They noticed my light and looked my way. The younger female screamed and covered her breasts. The older one looked shocked and hid behind the other.

I was embarrassed, turned, and hurried out of my room.

^^^ 2010^^^

I'm not the neighbor busybody. I believe in live and let live, but I could help but notice when my long-time next-door neighbor stuck a For Sale sign in his yard.

I saw him at the mailbox and said, "Hello Jim, I saw the sign."

"Yes. I'm retiring and moving to Florida."

"Good for you. When are you leaving?"

"The moving van will be here in two weeks. Hopefully, the place will sell quickly, and you will have a new neighbor, neighbor."

Our neighborhood isn't what I call prime real estate. It is made up of twenty-year-old three-bedroom single-story houses. It's a nice, quiet, affordable subdivision.

We are not in the city, but we are not amongst the farms and cattle ranches either.

^^^

I didn't see Jim again. Work kept me busy, and honestly, I forgot he was leaving until I saw the moving van in his driveway, taking his stuff away.

A month later, his realtor slapped a 'Sold' sticker on the sign in his front yard.

Six weeks later, a variety of work vehicles began visiting the property.

I saw painters, carpet layers, and a truck from a fence company.

The first two work crews didn't surprise me. Jim had lived in his house for a long time. Even I knew his place was outdated. The fence company had me wondering if my new neighbor had a dog.

Over the next three days, I saw the crew dismantle the old fence and replace it with an attractive vinyl fence. The fence encircled the whole backyard and was tall. Taller than me, and I'm over six feet.

I thought, "That must be a pretty big dog."

I ambled over to the fence crew as they were cleaning up, having finished the job. I said, "You boys did a nice job. The other fence was falling down. How tall is the fence?"

"Eight feet," the foreman said.

"You don't see a lot of fences that tall in a residential neighborhood. I'm guessing it's legal."

"Yes, sir. The state law limits fences in the front yard to four feet and in the back yard to eight. Many cities, municipalities, and some homeowner associations have stricter rules and limit backyard fences to six feet tall.

"Since your neighbor is in an unincorporated area, there are no local rules, so the state laws apply."

^^^

A couple of days later, a moving van pulled up next door.

The following day was a Saturday. After lunch, I moseyed over and rang the bell. A woman around my age answered the door. She was wearing pink yoga pants and a midriff-baring white crop top.

It's surprising how many things you can notice when you first meet someone.

She was attractive. She had dark blonde hair and dark tan. She wasn't wearing a wedding band (neither was I). She was fit, of medium height, and had medium breasts. She also had a prominent cameltoe and white tennis shoes.

I smiled and said, "Hi. I'm Matt."

I looked at her face. She has brown eyes. I missed that earlier because I spent so much time checking out her yoga pants taco.

A second person came to the door. This must be her daughter. This was a younger version of the vision in front of me. Same height, same tan, and same eyes and chin. This attractive young woman had light blonde hair. She, too, was fit. She had on a sports bra and red yoga pants.

Her body was slimmer. Her breasts were smaller. I wasn't sure if this was because she was younger or skinnier or if the sports bra compressed them. The young woman stood beside her mother. She also had a prominent cameltoe.

This is indeed my lucky day!

I started over and said, "Hello, My name is Matt. I'm your next-door neighbor." I pointed to my house. "Welcome to the neighborhood."

I handed the mom a piece of paper. "Here's a list of essentials. The addresses for the best local Chinese restaurant, pizzeria, barbeque place, and liquor store. My phone number is there too.

"I'll get out of your hair. I know you have a million things to do. Moving is a pain in the ass. If you're like me, six months later you'll still be opening boxes.

"If you need a hammer or a screwdriver or something, and you can't remember which box yours is in, call me. I have no home improvement projects planned for this weekend, so I'll lend it to you for a very low fee."

The older woman laughed, brushed a lock of hair off her face, and said, "Thanks. Nice to meet you. My name is Maggie. This is my daughter, Crystal. This list will definitely come in handy. I'll be needing many bottles of wine to get through this move."

I stepped back and said, "Good luck. It's nice to meet you." I walked away and said to myself, "These two are definitely an upgrade over Jim."

^^^

I heard my doorbell ring at ten o'clock. I griped, "Who could it be at this hour?"

I went to the door, flipped on the porch light, and saw Crystal through the peephole. I opened the door and said pleasantly, "Hello."

"Hi, Matt. I'm sorry to be bothering you so late."

"It's no bother. I was watching a movie." Porn videos are movies, aren't they? They're short movies.

"What can I do for you?"

"Mom and I were cleaning up. I was vacuuming, the hall light went out, and the vacuum stopped working. I guess I blew a fuse." She didn't sound confident. "Do you have a flashlight I could borrow?"

(This is 2010. Apple didn't put flashlights in the iPhones until 2013)

"Come in. I'll get one."

She followed me through the house into the garage. I opened a drawer that held three flashlights, took one out, and said, "I'd be glad to pop over and check your electrical panel."

"That'd be great. I don't know what a fuse box looks like."

I followed her to her house and said hello to Maggie. I led the way to the basement, turned on the light, and headed toward the fuse box. As we walked, I said, "Crystal, you were using the plug in the hallway, weren't you?"

"Yes.

"And someone was doing a load of laundry or filling the tub to take a bath?"

"Yes," Maggie said. "I was going to take a bath. How do you know this?"

"I'm not clairvoyant," I said and chuckled. "Our houses were built by the same builder. We have the same quirks. When they wired the houses, they put the hot water heater on the same circuit as the hall lights and outlets.

"When there is a call for hot water, the hot water heater comes on and uses almost the whole capacity of the circuit breaker. You can turn the hall light on, but if you plug in something that also draws a lot of electricity, like the vacuum cleaner, you'll overload the circuit."

We had arrived at the portion of their basement that housed all the mechanicals. I shined the flashlight on the hot water heater and said, "See that silver box. The little light bulb on top should be on, telling you I have power and I'm ready to make hot water. It's dark."

I opened up the electrical box, shined the light on it, and said, "Circuit number three is tripped." I flipped it to the on position and said, "That should do it. Let's check."

I shined the flashlight on the water heater.

"The light is green," Crystal said.

"My work here is done," I said. I handed Maggie the flashlight and said, "You can keep this. I have a few."

"Thanks. When I unpack mine, I'll return it."

We went upstairs.

Crystal said, "The hall light is on."

"If you want to vacuum," I said. "Use a room outlet or wait until your mother's tub is full."

"Thanks, again," Maggie said. She showed me to the door, and I returned home.

^^^

An hour later, I went to my bedroom and undressed for bed. That's where I had the unfortunate voyeur incident with my new neighbors. I saw Crystal topless and her mother nude.

After they caught me, I raced out of the room. I went into the family room and poured myself a stiff drink.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked myself as I nervously paced the floor. "I should have looked away when I saw Crystal undressing."

An argument ensued.

"I didn't do anything wrong. I was in my bedroom, minding my own business."

"You saw her boobs!"

"Is it my fault they haven't put up blinds or curtains?"

"You saw Maggie naked!"

"Did I make her walk naked into the room opposite my bedroom?"

"They are going to hate you! If you're lucky, they'll never speak to you again. They might tell the neighbors, everyone will shun you, and think you're a pervert."

I downed the rest of my drink and said, "That's probably what will happen. I'll be like Hester Prynne in

The Scarlett Letter

. I'll be exposed to public humiliation and made an outcast."

I didn't want to return to the scene of the crime. I got in my recliner, watched a bad horror movie, and finished the bottle of Jim Beam.

I mention this to explain why I was asleep at noon the following day. The sound of the doorbell woke me and hurt my ears. I got out of the chair and answered the door.

As I opened the door, I realized I was only wearing underwear. I only opened it a couple of inches and hid behind the door.

It was Crystal.

She laughed and said, "Someone had a rough night."

I'm sure I looked a wreck. I was unshaven, I hadn't brushed my teeth or hair, and I felt like shit. I was hungover.

My mouth was dry, so dry I couldn't speak. Or was the problem with my brain?

"We need to talk," Crystal said, "about last night. Take a shower, get dressed, and come over for lunch." She turned and left.

"Fuck! I'm in trouble!" I thought.

Still, I had the presence of mind to watch her cute little butt wiggle as she walked away.

^^^

An hour later, I showed up next door to apologize and take my punishment. Maggie opened the door.

I blurted out, "I'm sorry that I saw you naked last night!"

Maggie was stunned. Then she laughed and said, "Most people just say hello."

I'm sure my face turned red.

Maggie grabbed my arm and pulled me into her house. She led me to her back patio.

Crystal was sitting in the sun. She had on the same cute bandeau top, shorts, and sandals she wore when she demanded I come over.

She poured me a drink, handed me it, and said, "This is lemonade. You need to rehydrate to get over your hangover. Drink."

Maggie was also dressed for the heat that was coming. She was braless in a halter top. She had on a short skirt and wedges. She said, "I was so sorry to hear our prank drove you to drink. Or are you an alcoholic who drinks to excess every Saturday night?"

I stare at her wide-eyed. The women lifted their glasses and encouraged me to lift mine. We drank.

The ladies sat at the table.

I sat. My mind struggled to process what was happening. They weren't angry with me. They wondered if I was an alcoholic and what's this about a prank.

"I'm not a drunk," I said, "Last night, I over-imbibed. I thought you thought I was a pervert who spied on you."

"Nonsense," Maggie said. She waved her hand in the air as if she was swatting down that idea. "It was an accident. Your bedroom backs up to our bedrooms, and we have no curtains.

"Besides, why would we care if you saw us naked. We're nudists."

"Thousands of people have seen Mom and me naked," Crystal added.

"You're nudists?" My voice went up in pitch. I was surprised.

"Yes."

My brain hurt and was foggy. I tried to make sense of things. I said, "If you don't mind if people see you naked, why did you react the way you did last night when you realized I could see you?"

"We were pulling your chain," Maggie said.

"It was a joke," Crystal said.

Maggie said. "It was a shame you ran off so quickly. We didn't get a chance to let you in on the joke. Crystal was stuck in her sports bra, and she was saying that line from the old television commercial about the old woman with a medical alarm pendant."

Crystal giggled and said, "Instead of saying 'Help! I've fallen, and I can't get up.' I was saying, 'Help! I'm stuck in a sports bra, and I can't get out'."

"Matt, I saw you immediately when I entered the room," Maggie said. "I explained to Crystal that you could see us, and you looked uncomfortable. You had that look people get when they see a car wreck. They know it is inappropriate to look, but they just can't tear their eyes away."

"That's how I felt!" I confessed.

"I told Crystal, we should prank you. That I'd free her from the bra, and we'd appeared horrified that you could see our boobs."

"You were convincing."

"We'd planned all along to let you in on the joke," Crystal said.

"You bolted from the room," Maggie said. "You didn't see us crack up and laugh. We were going to smile, wave, and let you know everything was okay."

"Oh," I responded. "I was embarrassed and worried that you'd be angry. I got out of there quickly."

Maggie looked into my eyes and said sincerely, "I'm sorry our prank got out of hand."

I felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I said, "It's okay."

"Good. We are friends again," Crystal said. "Let's eat."

We ate and talked about the usual things. Where are you from? What brought you here?

Our stories were different, but the theme was the same. We'd been knocked down, and we're getting our lives back on track.

I'd been through a painful and expensive divorce.

Maggie's husband had been ill and died. They'd drained their bank account and mortgaged the house to pay for his treatment. They lost him and their house.

"So how did you become nudists?" I asked during a pause in the conversation. It sounded weird, rude, and inappropriate. I immediately apologized.

"I'm sorry for asking. That's none of my business."

"It's okay," Maggie said.

"I'm the reason," Crystal said.

"Dad was sick for a long time and died. I was sad and depressed; I got over that. I was also pissed. That I didn't get over. I wasn't angry at God for the loss of my father. I was angry at people. Stupid people.

"I no longer can tolerate people who waste their lives. The ones who don't live in the moment, loving, and appreciating the people in their lives.

"Too many people are focused on superficial things. They have to have the newest iPhone, more money, higher social status, and more followers.

"It's all bullshit!

"The important thing is living and loving and telling those who are important to you how much you love them."

Tears flowed from her eyes and she said, "I wished I told my dad that I loved him more often. I wasted my time thinking about what to wear to the next party. Who could I hook up with? How to choreograph my next Tik Tok video, and if I should show my boob in my next selfie."

Maggie leaned over and held her daughter's hand. I was quiet and gave her time to compose herself.

A moment later, Crystal said, "I searched out and found people who are real. I discovered a group of nudists. They live in the moment. Enjoy life, nature, and people.

"When you're stripped of your clothes, you stand on your own feet and are judged on how genuine you are. Are you kind, honest, caring, loyal, courageous, humble, confident, elegant, compassionate, and smart?

"A nude beach is a wonderful place. You have the sun, the sand, and the ocean. It's an accepting place. It's freeing when you see everyone's scars and flaws. You become less self-conscious of your flaws. There's a sense of peace and serenity that comes when you realize no one is perfect, and you don't have to be perfect."

"Crystal found peace through nudism," Maggie said. "She dragged me in, kicking and screaming." She laughed and added, "I was born in Kansas and raised as a good Protestant with all the baggage, hang-ups, and attitudes that come from being raised in Middle America.

"I have to agree with my daughter. There is honesty and freedom in being naked. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with nudity. It isn't sexual. The idea that nudity equals sex is an American point of view. It could be a legacy of our Puritan forefathers who believed in the sinful nature of man.

"Nudity is natural, relaxing, and comfortable.

"Nudity is truth, and truth is liberating. It strips away the necessity to pretend, to put on a show. My smoke and mirrors were out there for too long," Maggie said. "I learned to love myself, to accept my waist, my hips, my stretch marks, and my wrinkles. That is freedom."

"That is a powerful testimonial," I said.

"You know," Crystal said, "People in Europe publicly disrobe with absolutely zero self-consciousness. They don't think twice about being naked with family, friends, and strangers while swimming at the local pool, sweating in the sauna, or sunbathing in a park or on the beach.

"When you think about it, it doesn't make sense to wear clothing while sweating your tits off in a sauna or to wear a bathing suit when swimming. You're stuck sitting around in a soggy swimsuit.

"If you want to lie in the sun, lie in the sun. How does it make sense to say the sun can touch this part of me but not that part of me?"

"What you're saying is logical, but what if I get an erection?" I vocalize my greatest fear.

Crystal laughed and said, "You will get an erection. Guys get hard-ons. We all know this."

She pulled her skimpy top down, exposed her breasts, and said, "My nipples get hard. They're pointy now. So what? Are we supposed to live our lives denying these truths about the human body?"

Her move stunned me, but not so much that I didn't enjoy looking at her erect dark nipples.

Crystal continued her rant. "Does hiding body parts under fabric make natural biological reactions any less real?"

I flicked my eyes up, met hers, and said, "No."

"Crystal has adopted the relaxed European view of nudity," Maggie said. She looked at her daughter and said, "Put your top back on. You're making Matt blush."

Crystal frowned and obeyed.

Maggie said, "Erections are natural. Nudists know this and don't get upset unless the man flaunts it. If you had one now, clothed or unclothed, I'd ignore it, and I imagine you wouldn't go out of your way to make sure that Crystal and I knew you had a hard-on."

I felt my face turn red. I couldn't remember having a discussion about penises and erections since health class in the ninth grade!

"No. I wouldn't flaunt it," I said.

"Of course not," Maggie said. "If you were naked and it bothered you, you could cover it with a towel, roll over on your stomach, or discreetly leave."

I nodded.

Thank God! Our conversation moved on to other topics.

During a lull in the conversation, I said in passing, "I like your fence. The other one was an eye-sore."