"Show me how you fuck yourself."
That again, I thought. Why is it they always want to see that? All of them, every lover I'd ever had, eventually (or not so eventually) got around to asking to watch me get myself off. Rob was no exception. In fact, he was probably more fascinated with looking at my fingers slide in and out of my cunt than any of them. Thinking back on it, I try to remember just why it was I went along. I think I liked to watch him watching-see him get that inexplicable gaze, see his eyes get all steamy and face get closer and closer until I could feel his breath between my thighs. It was always quick after that. He'd bury his face between my legs and lap at my cunt, slipping his tongue in right along with my fingers, and then roughly pushing my hand away when he couldn't wait to fuck me anymore. THEN I'd get what I liked-or at least what I thought I liked-a good, hard fuck.
Of course, the whole time I'd be talking dirty to him, moaning...whatever he liked...whatever any of them liked with the floorshow. I was all over it. In fact, I thought I was having a great time-can't tell you how many orgasms I didn't know I was faking. Don't get me wrong, it did feel really good to play around, get laid...all of it. But every time, I wanted more when it was over.
Well, the next morning, after Rob left, my roommate's boyfriend had this look on his face, like he knew...something. Karen had already left for work, so it was just Chris and I in the kitchen. "What are you doing here?" I half-joked.
"Told Karen I'd fix that shelf in her closet while she's at work," he said. I must've looked at him like he was crazy (he never did that kind of stuff, just said, "Why don't y'all call the landlord?" if anything came up around the house). "Truth is, though, I wanna see what it is you're doin' to yourself in that bedroom that makes you moan so damn loud. You kept me up all night."
I could feel myself flush all over in a wave of hot shame coupled with ... wetness. A sense of embarrassment mixed with exhilaration at the thought of Chris lying awake, listening to me in bed with Rob. I wondered how many times he'd heard me and never said.
"Don't just sit there. Say somethin'! Or do somethin'! Hell, you can slap me if you want to-you prob'ly should!" His southern accent was as charming as ever, if you can call it charming.
I laughed a little, uncomfortable laugh and tried to play off the real temptation I was feeling. "Guess the walls are pretty thin in this old place," I said softly, not meeting his eyes.
"Guess so," he said, staring straight at my face until I met his gaze across the kitchen table. "So? How 'bout it?"
"What about Karen?" I asked. I already knew they had an open relationship. They had even invited me to bed with them one night after we'd all been out drinking, but that's a different story. Likewise, he already knew that Rob was about to get his walking papers. We both knew I was just stalling. "Why do men like that so much?" I asked, really thinking the question would surprise him. It didn't though. I think he was waiting on me to ask.
"I knew you didn't have a clue what you were doin'!!"