(Note: the following is excerpted from the upcoming book "A Girl with BUNS: the true story of Gabrielle 'Gaby' Monaco and Business United News Services." This is the unexpurgated and largely unedited version; all persons are 18+, and it is intended for adults 18+.)
I had just stepped up to the reception desk at the Clitterville Hotel/Resort when the sudden shrieking and high-pitched giggling of three teenaged girls overrode anything I was about to say.
The girls had just emerged from the elevators to the left. They must have been college-age; perhaps eighteen or nineteen. The rather shapely brunette in the middle of the trio had apparently just pulled off her bikini bottoms, which she now clutched tightly in her left hand. She was now totally nude. Her bare-breasted friends--a willowy blonde and a equally slender brunette--were now engaged in an riotous effort to pull each other's minuscule string bikini bottoms off.
They finally rounded a corner and vanished from our view: a giggly, bouncy mass of youthful, nearly-naked girl-flesh.
"Teen girls!" the desk clerk shook his head. "They're all nineteen--I personally checked their I.D.s." This last statement was made loud enough for the three men in line to hear. But they were all too busy comparing the photos and videos they had just recorded. One naked teen, and two topless ones pulling each other's bottoms down? This was the stuff that memories were made of!
"Gabrielle Monaco... with Business United?" The clerk seemed unimpressed with my credentials... but he was quite impressed with my face, my figure, and my legs.
"As you've just seen, Ms...."
"Monaco."
"Right. Anyway--as you've just witnessed--due to the special nature of this convention, all female guests are permitted to dress... or undress... as they please."
He gave me such a look, accompanied by a such a big smile, that told me that he was very happily already undressing me mentally.
I was wearing a somewhat short A-line, navy blue skirt. The hem ended only a few inches above my knees, but that was enough for the clerk to be so obviously fantasizing about a much better, skirt-less leg view.
He was staring at my legs: but he still didn't recognize me as "the pretty face and the even prettier legs of BUNS."
The above line was from an actual, published, online news feature article. A la Fox News, I would interview CEOs, CFOs and company presidents as we sat on a sofa.
I would wear a skirt: it would ride up.
The financial power brokers would stare at my pretty legs and babble about their earnings projections.
Twenty-six years old: almost three years of being an on-camera personality... and this is what they gave me! I would be the pretty face--and one of the few clothed, pretty female bodies--at the first ever naked bimbo convention.
Oh! Excuse me! They were "mailgirls:" previously professional young ladies who had simply forgotten to wear their panties--as well as everything else!
My first big opportunity to host a BUNS one-hour documentary--and it's all about nothing but blushing babes who strip and then streak stark naked giggling through the office!
As soon as I informed the clerk that I was planning on keeping my clothes on--thank you so very much!--he totally lost interest in me. I wondered if he was hoping that women would blush and shyly strip right there in front of him as they checked in--and he checked them out.
As I wheeled my carryon to the elevators, I looked back. Normally, my long legs and my shapely rear would be receiving at least some attention. But no. The three businessmen were still laughing and apparently sharing pics and videos of the tantalizing trio of teens.
Huh, I thought, as the elevator doors closed. Although the girls were hardly mailgirls, I guess I was experiencing something akin to "mailgirl envy."
* * * * * * *
My first scheduled interview was with one Daniel Hardiman, the guiding force, the President, and the CEO of Mailgirl Implemention, Services & Selection (MISS.)
Hardiman claimed to have been the one who introduced naked mailgirls to the U.S. while at ZYX Industries two years ago.
It was only rumors back then, but now, several former mailgirls from ZYX have published memoirs or contributed to published articles. It was alleged that Daniel deliberately misinterpreted the government's reluctance in allowing female employees to work nude. He insisted that naked mailgirls had to be classified as "adult entertainers;" therefore, they were required to provide adult entertainment.
There was definitely at least the threat of a lawsuit. All parties have kept quiet about the outcome, but rumor has it that four of the five original mailgirls who first exposed their bare figures each received a payout in a multiple of seven figures.
Hardiman seemed taken aback that I wanted our interview filmed.
"I thought it was going to be you and me!"
He sounded hurt on the phone.
Did he really think I was going to show up all alone in his office suite with a note pad, so that he could go on and on about how I could be a mailgirl--and then try to get my clothes off?
"Societal taboos are like poorly dressed wounds: don't smoke funny cigarettes; don't date your same sex. Society ripped those bandages off--we are stripping off the 'nice girls don't get naked: they don't show their tits, asses, or pussies.'
Sorry about the 'naughty' language but we have to be blunt. What's so bad about a naked lady? Somebody has to tell me! There's been a fascination with the female nude for thousands of years: in the arts, and now in photography and in major films. But bring a naked girl into an office setting and the whole world goes nuts!"
I had to shake my head as I looked around his nicely furnished suite. I glanced at Paul who was filming. He shrugged.
"But you make the whole thing deliberately sexual; pointedly sexually degrading and totally humiliating!"
"You hafta rip the bandage off! Our girls have to experience humiliation to get over that outdated concept. Once under contract, their naked bodies are merely their corporate uniforms. Their clitorises are only buttons on their uniforms. Their labia are just folds. Their vaginas are nothing but little openings.
It is truly wondrous to see the change in a naked girl when she at last internalizes those concepts. Suddenly she stands with her legs boldly apart, her breasts proudly thrust out. And: she will drop to the floor and display any part of her body without a moment's hesitation. All with a beatific smile on her face... truly wondrous!"
I wasn't getting anywhere past Hardiman's 'beautiful nudity in your face,' deliberately provocative and obviously prepared remarks.
"So why do it in the first place? Why naked girls in the workplace?"
Hardiman went on and on about that Forbes article. Only sixteen companies, publicly admitting that they employed nude female employees--and their increased total annual revenue attributed to "increased customer interest" was estimated at $750M.
But it wasn't all about the money, as Daniel somewhat impatiently man-splained. Absenteeism went down, a general increase in employees was common: interested males coming in more than outweighed the angry women who left.
The overall effect of being able to order a nude, subservient female around? Everyone felt superior, and that feeling of superiority translated into more engaged, harder and happier work, as the formerly dull workplace was magically transformed into a unending source of visual delights.
I had heard all of these ridiculous excuses before.
"But... this is still nonsense! With modern technology, cellphones, emails--"
"Sure. I need to contact the Director of East Coast Sales. He's not answering his phone; his P.A. has no idea where he is."
Daniel held up his phone. "We all have a version of the Mailgirl Monitoring app. It not only tracks mailgirls: it tracks us! I initiate a request, the app finds the nearest mailgirl to Stephen's location. She delivers the message personally. They tap phone to unit, and the written message is there with him and receipt acknowledged to me.
