This story involves exhibitionism and group sex. There is also an allusion to non-consensual sex arising during a romantic date. It is the first chapter of a story with nine chapters.
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I am a 27-year-old widow. My husband Bill, who was 4 years my senior, died 3 years ago, when he was 28. It came as a complete surprise. Bill had a drinking problem, and he brought a knife to a gunfight at the local bar in our small town in Indiana. He was shot and killed.
Nobody was ever arrested for having killed my lovely Bill. Obviously then, nobody was ever convicted of manslaughter, or murder, or anything. That would not have brought him back to me, he is gone forever, but still. My friends were great, and my family rallied me, but I nevertheless sank into a deep depression that lasted two years. During three months of my depression I was in a hospital for people like myself.
Once I got better enough to leave the hospital I went back to my hometown. But for a variety of reasons, some of which I will explain a little later, I ended up not being able to face life as it was in our hometown anymore. Nothing was keeping me there, since Bill and I had not yet had children.
The most common thing to do at that point would have been to move to Chicago. That's where everyone in the Midwest goes when they feel a need to escape the confining culture of a small town. I'm not sure why I did this, but I chose to move to New York. It's farther away, for one thing. It's bigger, for another. So, I simply picked myself up and moved to New York.
I did all sorts of menial jobs to support myself, especially waitressing. In spite of my poverty (waitressing in New York keeps a girl at poverty level), I managed to go to school. I got a degree in nursing, and now I just started my new job as a registered nurse.
After the elections, a bunch of us nurses got together and rented a bus to take us to Washington and back for the Women's March. Betsy is a friend of mine. She also originally hails from Indiana. She is almost my only friend in New York. She is also a nurse. She invited me to join, and so I hopped on the bus with these other women and a few men.
The ride down to DC was a hoot. We sang songs, bonded, and generally speaking had a great time. The weather was lovely, and I walked with the other people, making a statement just by being there.
I wore my usual weekend clothes: skintight jeans, a tight sweater that shows off my boobs, and tennis shoes. My only concession to being out in the world at a big event was a nice perfume coupled with large dangle earrings and of course my omnipresent ankle bracelet, the last present my late husband gave me. I also wore 11 silver bangle bracelets, and a large silver peace sign as a pendant around my neck. I enjoy wearing jewelry.
My hair is blonde and long, and I wore it in a ponytail. Probably it made me look a little younger than I am, but if you're female, that's not a bad thing. It bounced around behind me as I walked. And walk I did. I walked, chanted, and occasionally my fist rose in the air, with the thousands of other women surrounding me. It was a heady experience, and I for one was elated. In Indiana I had often felt alone; now I was surrounded by women who by and large thought as I did. Exhilaration describes the feelings I felt.
After the march, we had around an hour before we had to go back to the bus. This was a day trip to DC. At the last minute, I decided to stay longer, and I told my friend Betsy. There is so much to see in Washington, which has monuments and museums galore, and it seemed to me this was too good an opportunity to pass up!
Betsy asked me some practical questions, such as where would I stay (all hotels were full), how would I get back (all trains and airplanes were booked solid), and I just waved them aside, telling her, "I'll find a way." I think Betsy thought I was a moron just then, but I was determined, so finally she agreed to let the bus driver know not to wait for me, and then she quickly scurried back to the bus.
I did have an ace in the hole. I had gone to a small, local branch of IU (Indiana University) for college, and a friend of mine from college lives in the generalized DC area, so I shot her a Facebook message asking if I could crash with her for one or two nights. I was waiting for a reply. Her name is Grace.
In the meantime, once Betsy left for the bus, I decided to walk around and enjoy the sights. I was in a happy daze, one of the first times I had been this happy since I lost my husband Bill. I found a small park and sat down to write a postcard to my Dad. A man came up and asked if he could sit next to me on the bench. I said, "Of course. It's a free country. I'm Nancy," and I held out my hand.
I belatedly realized this was a standard Hoosier reaction to a stranger, but perhaps was not normal in DC. Anyway, the man looked startled by my reaction, but his surprise quickly morphed into a smile, and he shook my hand. "I'm Mike," he said.
Mike used this opening, which I had not really intended as an opening, just being polite, to chat me up. Mike was 30 (or so he said; he could have been up to 5 years older, it seems to me), and he was one of those men who is always smiling, and seems always to be happy. Nobody is really like that, so I was wary. But with those two caveats, he struck me as a nice guy.
He asked if I would like to get coffee with him, and of course I agreed. It turns out he is also now from New York, and he was down in DC for the inauguration, but also stayed for the march. "That must make you unique," I said.
"Yes, almost. There was not much overlap between those who went to the inauguration, and those who marched. I had no choice about the inauguration; my company sent me. The women's march I attended by choice," he remarked.
We talked for a long time, and he learned my complete history. He did not learn of course my brief sexual history; that much I will share with you. Before I married Bill, I had known two men intimately, so I was not completely innocent when I fell head over heels in love with Bill. Bill swept me off my feet.
When I entered my depression following his death, I received some medicine that was designed to help with just the sort of depression I had. It was still experimental, so I had to sign what seemed like a thousand papers in order to get it. Plus, it was free, because I was part of a clinical trial.
The drug worked great, and it cured my depression. But the side effects were not what a girl wants. I had sort of a medically induced bipolar disorder. My usual inhibitions -- ones that everyone has -- disappeared. I know from watching Bill when he was on a drunk what alcohol can do about inhibitions. It is not pretty. At times for example he would beat me for no reason. He would never have done such things when sober.
When sober Bill was an attentive and loving husband. When drunk he was anything but. When drunk he was a misogynist, and I became a target. Still, I stayed with him. I loved him, and I toughed it out through the bad times. I couldn't hide all the bruises, so all my friends knew that he beat me. They urged me to leave him. But when he was sober he was such a wonderful man, husband, and lover that I could never have left him.
With me now, after Bill's death and because of the meds, I became a sexual wild woman. I did all sorts of things I would never had done were it not for the medicine. How should I put this? Let's just say that I became easy to get into bed. I wanted sex, and I seemed to want more of it, and to want it more often, than is healthy or normal. My sex drive was in overdrive.
Whenever an episode of these side effects began to happen, I would first get a tingling sensation in my forehead. Weird. The doctor called it an aura. It always seemed to precede an attack of extraordinary sexual need. To make matters worse it would be coupled with a loss of inhibitions. I appreciated the warning the tingling provided, but there was nothing I could do to stop the warning, and little I was willing to do to stop the subsequent behavior.
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I will recount an example, and probably you will get the idea.
One of the first rather spectacular things I did involves three men. I was in a bar, and for some reason I felt at the time that my bra was uncomfortable. It seemed to be just then seriously uncomfortable. I asked a man sitting next to me at the bar to lift up my blouse in the back and to unhook it. When he did I slipped it off; it was easy to do because it was strapless.
The man who unhooked my bra, and whom I did not even know, asked for a kiss. I giggled, finding that funny. Finally, I said, "Sure, honey. If that's all you want," and I kissed him, open mouth, the works. That was my first kiss since Bill had died.
When we finally broke the kiss, after a few minutes at the least, I got off the bar stool and used my hands to jiggle my boobs. "You sure the kiss is all you want, honey?"
The man took me to a corner of the bar where it is a little dark. He began to kiss me in earnest. His hands went under my blouse and caressed my boobs. I loved it and moaned just loudly enough so that he could hear the moans. I moaned just from having my boobs fondled and my nipples tweaked. This surprised me, because my boobs are not erogenous for me.
I like when a man kisses me on the neck, and I like when he plays gently with my boobs, just as I like when he strokes my tummy, or caresses my foot. Boobs are like the other body parts for me; nice, but not special. There is however the societal taboo of having your boobs caressed in public in a bar. It was breaking that taboo that turned me on. I was sexually aroused from the situation, more than from the physical stimulation.
As we kissed he pushed up my blouse, displaying my boobs to his eyes and those of other bar patrons. He flamboyantly played with my boobs. I moaned some more. Two of his friends asked if I wouldn't be more comfortable with my jeans off. I broke the kiss to giggle some more and I said, "Yes. Yes, I guess I would be." Two minutes later I was sitting on the floor making out with the first man, wearing only a bunched-up blouse and my panties.
One of the two friends, his name is Clovis, said, "Smile!" and I gave him my best smile, sitting there with my boobs hanging out and my legs bare, and only my panties protecting my modesty. Again I giggled, and smiled. He took some pictures.
"I want copies of the pictures!" I said.
Clovis said, "Sure, darling. What's your name and address? I'll get them to you."
"I'm Nancy," I said, still giggling. "Willow Manor Apartments, #33F. Who are you? Want some of this?" and I gestured to my body, my hand running from my neck to below my private area.