On a recent ski trip with friends, we decided to have a challenge and the loser would have to ski the last run of the day naked!
I should start out by saying that yes, I absolutely love to be naked but that no, this was not my idea... When I heard the idea though I made sure to conceal my excitement, I actually went out of my way to try and suggest that it was a bad idea. Imagine my panic when I almost succeeded in convincing the others! thankfully they were swayed by someone more persuasive and I fell in line, feigning resignation to concede.
On the inside, I was brimming with excitement and knew I had to make sure it was going to be me but I needed to play it cool and seem like it was an accident that I lost and had to do this shameful deed but we had to set out some ground rules first... One of the more bashful in the group suggest that we wait until the very last opportunity to do the naked ski run, we all agreed, nobody wants to make a scene and upset anyone unnecessarily. "No cheating" said someone else, "fully naked, from the top to the bottom of the hill" group murmuring ensued, the girls in the group were not happy but eventually agreed to the terms. Totally naked meant the others collectively carried the clothes, whoever lost was going to be completely nude...
The challenge took more agreeing on, we are a fairly evenly matched group of skiers, different strengths and weaknesses naturally. Jumping was suggested but quickly shouted down by more than supported it, a straight out race idea gained some momentum but seemed like a recipe for disaster with the high stakes competitive nature besides, 8 people all racing on the same slope seemed unfair to other skiers not embroiled in our nonsense so we settled on a speed run, we all have watches that track our respective speeds, we can take turns and all converge at the bottom to reveal the results and there would be no doubt, the skier with the slowest maximum speed loses.
As I waited my turn, I pondered how I should do this, if I deliberately went slow it would be obvious but if I skied normally I might not be the fastest but I almost certainly wouldn't be slowest. Obviously, at the top, we all questioned the logic of our actions but a challenge was a challenge, the first contender was off, impossible to guess the actual speed from our vantage point but it looked clean and fast, the remaining skiers anxiety increased until it was my turn to go, I was 5th and still didn't have a plan. As it would turn out, I didn't need one, just before I started to build up speed, from the side of the piste a group of skiers emerged and I was forced to pull up and brake hard, as I cruised down the remainder I practiced my reaction for the benefit of my friends. The unexpected braking meant that the remaining skiers only had to make a clean run not to be last, which they managed with ease. It was me.
On a good summers day I'm small "down there", being shaved smooth certainly doesn't enhance my size. Standing in the snow, on a mountain when the suns power has already diminished, grudgingly undressing and dispersing my clothes amongst my friends, none of whom had previously seen me naked, I did not have the luxury of a summers day, I was not "small" I was "miniscule" from a combination of the nerves and the cold much to the vast amusement of my companions. There I stood, totally naked save for my ski boots and helmet with a shrivelled nub pointing directly forwards and balls hanging tight.
