Shimmering Samson was in a bad mood. Rather than shimmering, he was glowing beet red with rage- incredibly angry at this latest defeat.
As usual, he turned to Milton, his trusty secretary. "Milton! Why did we fail THIS time!?"
Milton sighed. "For the love of... Sir, the Invisible Hand is- er, WAS- an inexperienced hero with a very subtle power, and by sheer coincidence, she ALSO turned out to be a lesbian. We can't afford any more mistakes- the media is all over us! People are already making jokes that the Shimmering League is completely comprised of useless lesbians! Women are turning up at our headquarters just to flirt with the female heroes- a phenomenon NOT helped by the fact that psyche-altering nanobots are slowly making the Virgin Isles less and less pure-minded, OR the INCREDIBLY lewd 'exhibition' surrounded by a FORCE FIELD in the middle of Pearl Square!"
Samson scratched his head. "Well. What would you suggest, then?"
Milton looked at Samson indignantly. "Well, first off, we could get our R&D division to devise a method to take down these plasma force fields instead of making cool gadgets. Second, we STILL haven't tried the experimental new EMP missile that the military delivered-"
Samson slammed his fist on the desk. "NONSENSE! We are a league of HEROES, not of MISSILES! Send in another hero!"
Milton protested. "Wha- that won't work! We- I mean, hell, the only reason heroes are able to fight K.C. in the first place is because she's LETTING THEM IN FOR FUN."
Samson crossed his arms. "No missiles."
Milton sighed. "At least let me pick the next hero."
...
Later, at her base, Cait was woken by her alarm- a hero was at her gates.
Cait smiled, pulling up the monitor. "Oh, goody! Another hero."
She pressed the button to turn on her surveillance network. On the camera, she saw a toned, lean figure wearing full plate armor, carrying a claymore in one hand and a shortsword in the other.
Cait ran some newly installed facial recognition software. She gasped when it returned the hero's designation- Manly Metal Mike, the Macho Menace. With a gaze as cold as steel and emotions to match, Mike was nearly unflappable, and likely to resist the Crusader's wiles. Worse, Cait knew that in terms of power, Mike had her beat- his skin was as tough as metal, he had enhanced agility and strength, and he was skilled with a variety of weapons and gadgets that made her nanobots look like children's toys.
Cait sighed. "Well, there's no way I can beat HIM. Best leave the barrier closed-"
Cait's eyes widened in shock as Mike simply walked straight through the plasma field.
"Is... is he wearing some kind of phasing armor? That's the only way he could possibly do that!"
Cait scrambled to prepare, attempting to activate her secret exit and the base's self-destruct sequence. However, the base seemed to not respond to her in the slightest.
"It's no use, temptress."
Mike walked in through the doors, holding his bladed weapons out to his sides. His eyes bored through the Kinky Crusader, who suddenly felt very foolish and vulnerable in the nanobot bikini she was currently wearing.
Cait pulled on her robe. "What sort of trickery-"
Mike shook his head. "Quite the opposite. Milton provided me with quite the useful device." He held out a small, glowing white orb. "The newly developed Electromagnetic Sabotage Matrix. Renders most technology useless." He stared at Cait's nanobot bikini. "Fortunately for you, it doesn't affect nanotech. That would be... an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction."
Cait put up a sense of false bravado. "Well, well, looks like the League wised up and sent someone competent for once! Perhaps we could-"
Mike stomped forward and held out his sword towards Cait. "No tricks. Disable your psychic nanobot swarm. Now."
Cait shook her head. "Make me, metalhead!"
Mike rumbled angrily. "Very well." Cait barely had the time to form her nanobots into a shield before Mike swung his shortsword.
Deflecting the blow, Cait grimaced at the impact. "Shit!" She pressed a button on her desk, activating her spare nanobot set. She wouldn't normally use so many, as they tended to drain lots of power from the base, but considering that most of the other tech was offline, she had power to spare.
She formed her extra nanobots into a thin jumpsuit covering her body, as well as two rapiers. She proceeded to leap over the desk, transforming into a male before thrusting her left rapier towards Mike's heart.
The rapier bounced off Mike's armor. "A futile attempt." Cait transformed back into a female and dodged Mike's next blow using her female form's flexible nature.
Cait attempted to talk her way out of her predicament while fighting off blow after blow. "Don't you- huff- want to- huff- talk- huff- instead of- huff- fighting? I can... pant... give you anything you want... huff... even sex... pant..."
Mike slammed his claymore into the ground, knocking Cait down to the floor with the shockwave. "Sex? Hah. You are quite attractive, Crusader, I will admit. But I will not be fooled by your tricks. Besides, this armor is a bit uncomfortable for such activities."
Cait backed off, rolling sideways and popping back up in a fighting stance. "Why not take off the armor, huh? I bet you have a hot, manly body under all that thick armor..."
Mike shook his head. "An impressive attempt at lowering my defenses. But no. And besides..." Mike shifted his weight. "I don't see what's so great about this body. It's uncomfortable and unnerving. A curse, rather than a blessing."
Cait nodded. "Ah, I see. Metallic skin, super strength. Must be hard."
Mike swung twice, in the shape of an X, with both swords in succession. "No, no, my powers are fine. It's just... my body feels so... wrong."
Mike stopped fighting for a moment, sighing. "I... why am I telling you this, even?"
Cait shrugged. "I'm a very charming person, even without the seduction."
Mike took off his helmet. A soft face, clean shaven, with long hair done into a man bun. White skin, brown hair, and a strong jawline.