Shimmering Samson was in a bad mood. Rather than shimmering, he was glowing beet red with rage- incredibly angry at this latest defeat.
As usual, he turned to Milton, his trusty secretary. "Milton! Why did we fail THIS time!?"
Milton sighed. "For the love of... Sir, the Invisible Hand is- er, WAS- an inexperienced hero with a very subtle power, and by sheer coincidence, she ALSO turned out to be a lesbian. We can't afford any more mistakes- the media is all over us! People are already making jokes that the Shimmering League is completely comprised of useless lesbians! Women are turning up at our headquarters just to flirt with the female heroes- a phenomenon NOT helped by the fact that psyche-altering nanobots are slowly making the Virgin Isles less and less pure-minded, OR the INCREDIBLY lewd 'exhibition' surrounded by a FORCE FIELD in the middle of Pearl Square!"
Samson scratched his head. "Well. What would you suggest, then?"
Milton looked at Samson indignantly. "Well, first off, we could get our R&D division to devise a method to take down these plasma force fields instead of making cool gadgets. Second, we STILL haven't tried the experimental new EMP missile that the military delivered-"
Samson slammed his fist on the desk. "NONSENSE! We are a league of HEROES, not of MISSILES! Send in another hero!"
Milton protested. "Wha- that won't work! We- I mean, hell, the only reason heroes are able to fight K.C. in the first place is because she's LETTING THEM IN FOR FUN."
Samson crossed his arms. "No missiles."
Milton sighed. "At least let me pick the next hero."
...
Later, at her base, Cait was woken by her alarm- a hero was at her gates.
Cait smiled, pulling up the monitor. "Oh, goody! Another hero."
She pressed the button to turn on her surveillance network. On the camera, she saw a toned, lean figure wearing full plate armor, carrying a claymore in one hand and a shortsword in the other.
Cait ran some newly installed facial recognition software. She gasped when it returned the hero's designation- Manly Metal Mike, the Macho Menace. With a gaze as cold as steel and emotions to match, Mike was nearly unflappable, and likely to resist the Crusader's wiles. Worse, Cait knew that in terms of power, Mike had her beat- his skin was as tough as metal, he had enhanced agility and strength, and he was skilled with a variety of weapons and gadgets that made her nanobots look like children's toys.
Cait sighed. "Well, there's no way I can beat HIM. Best leave the barrier closed-"
Cait's eyes widened in shock as Mike simply walked straight through the plasma field.
"Is... is he wearing some kind of phasing armor? That's the only way he could possibly do that!"
Cait scrambled to prepare, attempting to activate her secret exit and the base's self-destruct sequence. However, the base seemed to not respond to her in the slightest.
"It's no use, temptress."
Mike walked in through the doors, holding his bladed weapons out to his sides. His eyes bored through the Kinky Crusader, who suddenly felt very foolish and vulnerable in the nanobot bikini she was currently wearing.
Cait pulled on her robe. "What sort of trickery-"
Mike shook his head. "Quite the opposite. Milton provided me with quite the useful device." He held out a small, glowing white orb. "The newly developed Electromagnetic Sabotage Matrix. Renders most technology useless." He stared at Cait's nanobot bikini. "Fortunately for you, it doesn't affect nanotech. That would be... an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction."
Cait put up a sense of false bravado. "Well, well, looks like the League wised up and sent someone competent for once! Perhaps we could-"
Mike stomped forward and held out his sword towards Cait. "No tricks. Disable your psychic nanobot swarm. Now."
Cait shook her head. "Make me, metalhead!"