My heart was pounding in my chest, my palms a little sweaty and adrenaline filled my veins. I pointed the camera to the mirror, making sure to get enough of my face and shoulders that Ben would have an idea what I was wearing but without giving it away. The train rocked a little on the tracks blurring the picture of my face showing a little more cleavage than normal as I stood in the small cubicle. I sent the picture with a short message "On my way. xxx"
I was on my way to visit Ben just as I had done many weekends over the last 9 months. We had met at a church young adults camp the previous summer when shortly before I turned 18 and he was still 19. We lived quite far apart but since I had started university I could see him more as it was only an hour on the train to where he worked.
But this journey was going to be different, there was a reason I'd sent the playful picture and a reason my blood was pumping so much.
I'd always been very shy, not very popular at school and kept myself to myself. Boys had never really noticed me at school and my body only developed after it was too late for anyone there to care. I went to the camp that summer keen to make a new start, meet some new friends with similar interests and meet a load of nice people. I found a new confidence in talking to others and really came out my shell. I'd never considered that a guy may take my attention and like me though and over that week Ben and I developed a little more than a friendship. We started to visit one another in the months after and quickly became boyfriend and girlfriend.
Ben had been unfortunate with women, having been messed around by a couple of girls he felt strongly for and I think we were both relieved to be taking things very slowly. Our distance relationship in many ways forced this, but also meant we had these short weekend pressure cookers of emotion in recent months.
Our first kiss was actually a month after we started our relationship and with our Christian principles both knew that sex should come after marriage, something neither of us were remotely ready for. But as our passions increased each weekend we saw each other, little by little that temptation rose and this train journey felt like it was leading us a long way from where we intended to be... and worse yet I loved it. Our hands had recently began to wander while we kissed, caressing each others skin underneath our clothing and before long his T-shirt was off, my shirts were unbuttoned and we were starting to see and feel each others bodies more and more. I'd started to straddle him and rock back and forth, dry humping him and we both enjoyed the feeling of this type of movement and contact.
Recently, on my last visit to Ben and his parents these sexual tensions really escalated, I'd had a shower shortly after we got in and I walked back to the spare room I stayed in wearing just my towel. My room was opposite Ben's and I hadn't given it much thought so put my underwear back on then just wrapped a towel around me, it was very short and left my legs and shoulders more exposed than Ben had ever seen. As I walked past his room the look he gave me was something else. So full of desire and lust, surprise and love. It was so powerful I decided rather than go get dressed I walked into his room and sat down as if nothing was amiss. Needless to say there was some very heavy petting that evening. Sitting on Ben in just my underwear, gyrating y my hips on his with my legs spread really turned me on and that evening it opened up the sexual side of our relationship a lot further. The towel came off and he saw me in just my underwear, his hands explored every inch of my exposed and tingling skin. I wanted more and I could tell he did too.
Later that evening I asked Ben what his fantasies were, at first he seemed reluctant to talk about it. I knew he had them, I knew despite his faith he struggled with looking at pictures of women online and while I shouldn't have encouraged it all i seemed to want to do was turn all his desires onto me, for him to look at me the way he did when I wore the towel. So after a little persuasion we talked about our fantasies and found a few in common, the idea of having sex outside as a prime example. Sexy car journeys, maybe the use of blindfolds and handcuffs, then one that really caught my imagination - wearing only a shirt or coat. He loved a new bright red trench coat I'd been given, it was quite short and covered about a third of my thighs, with three large buttons up the double breasted front and a big belt buckle to tie around my middle. He said he would love to see me wearing only that, it made my mouth water thinking about it and I said I could do that for him. He balked at the idea of it really happening and I said I'd probably need to be quite drunk and work my way up to being that brave but maybe in the future I'd do it. I said I'd never been properly drunk before giggling at how if he ever gets me drunk he has permission to take my clothes off, he then joked about getting some cocktails immediately.
I'd never thought of myself as having a nice body until Ben assured me I did. I'd never worn skirts or revealing tops but felt confident enough that I may give those things a try with the right encouragement and reason. If Ben was going to like it then this was all that was needed.
So here I was on a train about halfway through the journey to visit Ben. As I had often done I was going to meet him from work as he closed the store he was a manager at and we would walk back to his car and head back to his parents house. His parents were away this particular weekend and he had a rare Saturday off so I particularly wanted to make the most of this trip. I'd packed a small rucksack for the weekend before I went into my university lectures that day and then got on the train. I'd caught this same train a few times and it was usually so busy I'd be lucky to find a seat, however this trip had less people so no one was left standing. Everyone seemed to have their eyes either locked onto a mobile device or just closed trying to catch a quick sleep.
I noticed a young man in a nearby seat facing my direction and looking at me a little closer than usual. I was wearing tight black jeans and a little white top underneath my red coat but it was so warm that weekend I didn't need much else that day. I'd been thinking about this all week, about how Ben would react if I dared follow through with my plan and now my whole body was yearning so strongly I felt I couldn't stop it unless I fulfilled my ideas. I gave the guy a smile and stood up.
I got up and went to the small toilet cubicle at the end of the carriage and began to psych myself up a little in the mirror. The person looking back looked nervous, her straight black hair hiding a little of her face before it stopped at her neck over her thin body, I needed her... me to appear calm and confident in a strange and unfamiliar situation. My hands were trembling before I clenched my fists and fought the feeling deep inside.
I looked closely at my makeup and wanted to make it more sultry, more pronounced than ever before but felt it would be difficult on the moving train so decided I would attend to this later.
I took off my small heeled boots and hung my coat on the back of the door and then pulled my top up over my head and off. Pausing a moment I looked back at myself with my black c-cup bra and jeans on, undoing the buttons before sliding them off my legs. This was exciting but was it enough? This was the least I had ever worn in front of Ben... but his fantasy, my fantasy now, was that I wore nothing at all under the coat... my knees shook as I thought about just opening the door to the train carriage dressed like that, let alone walking to Ben's work and meeting him there dressed in only a coat. "One step at a time" I thought reaching into my bag while taking a deep breath.
