"Hello?"
"Hey cuz, long time no see."
"What are you up to, bruh?"
"Nothing, really."
"Who are you fucking with now?"
"Nobody uh, technically."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"I'm not fucking with nobody, technically."
"Man, what the fuck is that supposed to mean, technically?"
"...uhm."
"Spit it out, technically brother."
"Well technically, you're fucking with somebody; or will be."
"I'm gonna fuck you up, cuz."
"Calm down."
"So, what do you want, for real?"
"Uh, face to face, okay?"
"I'm gonna say no."
"Jaquan?"
"I don't wanna be involved in some shit, bruh."
"Face to face."
"No."
"I'm going for a run at the park; probably about nine in the am."
"I'm not coming, cuz."
"Maybe about nine thirty; I'm tired from yesterday, Jaquan. Shot a lot of content man; bruh, you should have seen the ass on the model I had yesterday. Lines up with Rashida something serious, redbone MILF."
There were a few moments of silence on the other end of the line.
"That's a bold claim."
"You see Rashida all the time, so you know what I'm talking about, marginally. This one was motherfucking cornfed and packed in the back, bruh. Our girl Thunda got that power and a patent on the curve, but Mz. Giggles packing it in with a long, floppy back porch."
"Mz. Giggles?"
"I didn't pick the name, but it applies."
There was another long pause on the line as I scratched the back of my head waiting for the obvious.
"How come I never seen her on your site?"
"Because you're cheap, nigga."
My auntie's clandestine occupation was hidden behind a paywall and priced high enough to run off any chintzy patrons of my site. I regularly patrolled various sites online hitting any leaked content over ten minutes with copyright claims but left brief clips untouched to build my brand. I was making a nice bit of coin which I socked away while maintaining a day job in planned anonymity. At first it was to keep my parents and relatives out of the loop but became a strategic point of survival in the real world, afterwards.
"We family, how come you don't give me no pass or something?" He reasoned, revealing his open nose.
"Bitch."
"Well, we folks, ain't we?"
"I'll think about it, at the park around nine thirty." I hung up in his face, then sat up in my bed stretching out cracking some bones with an early morning yawn before walking over to my editing setup. I'd been up into the night editing a thirst trap video for my Auntie Esther aka Mz. Giggles.
The teaser was less than a minute of my disembodied hands having their way with her big, elongated cheeks pinching, groping, and kneading them into an oily mess before a sharp jump cut saw me beating her back out POV with an excessive nasty money shot, in enhanced stereo no less.
I shot it to Jaquan before switching off my android.
"What the fuck is this shit?" I opened my bedroom door to find a mess in my kitchen. The counter was dripping almond milk off the edge. The floor was littered with cereal which crunched under my house shoes as I tightened my robe biting my lower lip.
"ANDRE, YOU GOT ME FUCKED UP!!"
"Sorry." His voice came down the hall in a whimper prompting a powerwalk to the living room where he'd been sequestered using the couch as a bed.
This proved to be equally devastating as I found a literal mess from the entrance to the room leading to the couch where my temporary charge was making camp engrossed in his Nintendo Switch. Overnight Andre appeared to have raided the fridge and cabinets numerous times resulting in wrappers, open containers and a large half eaten cake sized bowl of red berries Special K haphazardly placed on the edge of my jacked-up coffee table.
"Nuh-No bro!" I snatched the game from his hands, brow furrowed.
"I was gonna clean it up before you got up; I just wanted to get in a few games."
"CLEAN THIS SHIT UP, NOW!!" I stormed off not caring if I'd just passed some sort of universal parenting shit test from the most high as he started to slowly move.
Currently I was housing my male talent Andre 13.5 after his "wife" unexpectedly made an appearance at his job right after I'd sprung him from Hotdog on a Stick, for a shoot. To be honest I didn't know the dynamic of his relationship with the woman until I was obliged to ask before purchasing a game console for the man as payment for said shoot with my model, Mz. Giggles. To my horror, I discovered a man living in modern slavery. The fact that he wasn't allowed to have a pic of his old lady was telling enough and I suspected some sort of monkey branching in Andre's near future.
I felt responsible since I'd started him on his clandestine career in online porn by proxy through another talent, Ms. WTF. He'd been used from day one and his high school girlfriend had been a stop gap for other women looking to monopolize the guy because of his endowment. For a while, most of his friends and associates thought "the wife" was a fictional construct. Now, within the last twenty-four hours I'd discovered this woman was all too real and in dire need of having her wig split.
"HEY ANDRE!!" I screamed halfway down the corridor which made him come running with handfuls of trash.
"Yeah?"
"Do you know how to flush the toilet nigga?"
Suffice it to say I ended up arriving for my early morning run sometime after nine forty-five after "supervising" the cleaning up of my abode and Andre's subsequent wardrobe with some loaned basketball shorts and a white tank that looked stupid on his muscular frame. I was stuck with the noob until I completed a running plan to deliver justice to his mundane existence. Andre didn't care much at all, but showed flickers of genuine apprehension when his wife was mentioned in tandem with his return home.
In the end I tooled over to the park with the man in my backseat like human luggage. He didn't care just sitting back there playing his game giving me the sarcastic impression he might need a baby seat. This rampant internal burn caused me to check myself internally because everybody treated him like a living prop, and so did I when we interacted. The way I saw it was that I was giving something back to clear my karma after inadvertently setting him up to be knocked down like a bowling pin in the past.
I found Jaquan's car parked in the lot pulling up beside it finding the driver side window, partially down. Andre was sitting there in the backseat lost in his game, so I lowered the back windows a little bit before hopping out walking across the grass leading to the edge of the small hill peering down onto the track. I
"Oh, okay." I half smirked.
My cousin was presently engaged in the hard sell running beside some incredibly thick redbone with a head full of short blonde locs. Correction, he was chasing her as she jogged along at a decent clip having just cleared a right turn on the track moving in the opposite direction. This was a young, probably college aged woman lightly nodding her head in time with whatever he was saying as he did his best to keep up while running backwards. I chuckled glancing back at Andre still sitting there lost in his game. Out of nowhere she put a foot on the gas speeding off at a clip as I started to wonder if there was some sort of otherworldly portal to a dimension of ridiculously thick and packed women.
"Brutal." I got out my android in time to catch my cousin tragically topple over rolling head over heels wiping out on the track. His intended target was several feet away already turning a left about to come up running right by me as I sat on the hill.
"HI BOI!!" She greeted me cheerfully running by waving as Jaquan sat up visibly embarrassed. I instinctively followed her with my android getting a rewarding view of her backside. My jaw dropped at the sight of her warring cheeks looking like two pillows shoved into those shorts with a wealth of cheekage bulging out from the back. Her running motions were turning them into bikini bottoms.
Her face was sort of roundish reminding me of this actress named Michelle Hurd, maybe a younger almost teenaged version of that woman. I chalked it up to the short dyed blonde locs framing her smiling face in the brief glimpse I got as she ran by waving happily. Her hair was longer tied off into a frizzy ponytail in the back which was bobbing and waving in the air like a flag in the wind.
"Hey." I mumbled taken aback by her powerful bottom-heavy hourglass figure. Things seemed to slow down as she jogged by with her arms crossed over a prominent bust covered in this African print running crop top which matched the canary yellow shorts and Free Run Nikes on her feet.
It was too late as she rounded the corner of the track noticeably speeding by my cousin making it a point to hurdle over him without breaking stride. Jaquan sat there with his elbows resting on top of his knees looking over his shoulder at those monster sized cheeks. That fleeting glimpse proved to be enough for my lothario cousin who seemed to be starting off his day with a bit of a rough patch as he noticed me. I couldn't help laughing at him as his intended target ran by again.
"HEY NOW BOI!!" She shouted again as she sped by while my cousin was walking across the middle of the field which was encircled by the track.
"HEY!!" I waved back intentionally goofing and still laughing at Jaquan. It was obvious she had spoken to me as a dig at my cousin who'd probably been on her case trying to make a connection. I kept filming as he reached the edge of the small hill, starting to walk up to meet me.
"Having fun, nigga?"
"Yeah." I burst into uproarious laughter, then flinched when it looked like he would take advantage of the situation and stomp on me where I sat.
"Why're you jumping? I should lump you up for having me down at the park out here trifling."
"Need I remind you that you were the one who suggested I work on my fitness."
