This three-chapter story was inspired by conversations with other Lit members over the years - some of whom are part of couples that freely share their inner sexual lives with each other and some of whom feel unable to open up about such matters to their partners.
Thanks to all who have shared their experiences in regards to this dilemma, thus providing the context for this narrative.
A huge thanks to BenLong who worked tirelessly to edit all three chapters. I am extremely grateful for his assistance!
***
As morning broke just outside the bedroom window, Andrew sat upright in bed with his laptop, idly flipping from web site to web site. There was nothing left unread in his inbox and the news offered more of the usual, tiresome political battles. He finally resorted to tapping his thumb impatiently on the keyboard, wondering if he was about to finally hear the words that would change the course of his life forever.
Once in a while, Charlotte appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, but she seemed to be stalling. Andrew watched her briefly standing there in an old pink t-shirt and her favorite fuzzy pajama bottoms that he'd bought the previous Christmas. She vanished again, carrying on with her morning routine, squirting some toothpaste onto her brush and then facing the mirror, holding it in her mouth as it whirred against her froth-covered teeth.
Andrew turned back to the laptop screen, but his mind was elsewhere. He could hear Charlotte spitting into the sink before she sighed and then peeked out into the bedroom.
"Okay, here we go..." she said with nervous anticipation.
"Good luck," Andrew replied.
He watched his wife vanish back into the bathroom. A few moments passed, then he just barely heard the soft sound of Charlotte's pajama bottoms being slipped down. The loose toilet seat which Andrew constantly put off getting fixed rattled as she sat down. He heard his wife erratically tinkling into the toilet, then the toilet flushed, and the sink started running. After a few more minutes of silence, Charlotte walked stiffly into the bedroom, approaching Andrew.
"... And?" he asked, already aware of the answer.
"Negative," she sighed.
"Okay, it'll happen, don't worry."
"I know. It's just frustrating that it's taking so long," she replied glumly.
Andrew and Charlotte had been trying to get pregnant but kept striking out. They'd begun to feel discouraged, but most people they shared this frustration with seemed to brush it off. All they'd been offered was the reassurance that it sometimes "took a little time." This didn't help; it just made them feel like they were the only ones taking it seriously.
Their parents certainly made things no easier. Last time they took a family trip together, Charlotte's parents suggested that she and Andrew stay back at the hotel for a bit while they took her younger brother to a clothing store to find a new pair of pants. Her mom had winked to them, right there in front of her father and brother, saying, "After all, you need a little alone time to make a certain something happen..."
Charlotte had been horrified to hear her family openly imply that they should go make love right then and there to give them grandchildren. She couldn't bear the thought that her family would later return to the very room they'd just finished having sex in, to check in on them. The pressure from them was growing to the point of desperation and Charlotte already placed enough pressure on herself.
Andrew knew Charlotte had always been a little bashful when it came to sex - but then again, so was he. He often thought about their first time together and how awkward it had been. Being college sweethearts, it happened late freshman year. They had been dating a while and their friends were already restless, watching their courtship going on and on, knowing that they hadn't yet taken the big leap.
"Dude, when are you guys gonna hook up?!" Andrew's roommate had asked.
Charlotte received similar comments from her friends as they openly prodded the two with friendly teasing about it. Andrew recalled nervously looking over at Charlotte, seeing her sitting there red-faced and unsure what to say to their friends who seemed hell-bent on getting them to finally bang each other. It wasn't that he didn't want to - they just added so much pressure about something he was already anxious about.
Andrew's roommate had already suggested a system they should use should either of them bring a girl back to their dorm room. A simple marker would be placed outside the door to indicate that the arriving roommate should find somewhere else to be for a while. Andrew had never had to use it, though his roommate had, and that made him jealous. Andrew had gone to sit in the library for a bit, scrolling aimlessly through his phone, acutely aware of what was going on back at his dorm room at that very moment.
When the big day finally arrived, it took Andrew by surprise. He and Charlotte had been at a party where jello shots and tequila had secretly been provided. They were both buzzed and started to kiss in the corner at the edge of a friend's bed. Everything happened so quickly and organically. How they ended up back at Andrew's own dorm room was a blur - but they got there, nevertheless. Andrew put the secret marker on the outside of his dorm room door without Charlotte taking notice... just in case something was to happen.
And something did.
After several minutes of kissing on Andrew's bed, they began touching each other, slowly and gradually, indicating to one another that it might be time for the ultimate expression of intimacy to finally happen between them. Andrew could sense Charlotte's heart beating wildly in her chest but knew he was just as nervous and that it would be equally apparent to her.
She let him pull off her top and he let her undo the belt buckle on his pants. It wasn't long before the two of them sat trembling in their underwear. He gazed at her, aroused by the sight of the deep cleavage between the cups of her bra and the soft, puffy mound of her panties. Charlotte's stomach was churning with butterflies.
All of a sudden there were footsteps outside his door, followed by laughter; it was Andrew's roommate. Charlotte seized up with anxiety, overwhelmed by the lack of privacy.
"Oh shit! That's fucking awesome! Have fun, guys!" a voice outside roared, followed by more laughter which began to dissipate as it traveled back down the hall outside.
His excitement boosted by the outburst, Andrew couldn't help but burst out laughing. Charlotte laughed nervously and sought the security of his arms after what felt like a brief scare of being caught in the act. They resumed kissing, each of them renewed with the excitement of what was about to take place.
Andrew boldly felt for Charlotte's bra which she hesitantly allowed him to remove. He sat back, astonished by the sight of her naked breasts as they came free. She held her breath, embarrassed to reveal her nudity to him for the first time. He felt a rush of adrenaline at the sight of her body; her weighty, round breasts, her crimson nipples, a little pointy and stiff with arousal.
Charlotte went next and, as she reached for his boxers, Andrew could see her hands shaking with emotion. He felt his underwear sliding down over his lower body until his penis came free, still flaccid from nervousness. Andrew observed Charlotte's expression turn to wonder as she laid eyes on his naked appendage for the first time, seemingly enthralled by the sudden appearance of his cock as it flopped to the side and lay across his thigh. A wave of excitement washed over him as he realized how titillated she became upon seeing it.
Charlotte tensed up as Andrew made the last move required for them to be fully naked together. She flinched as he reached for her panties - "wait," she had said. However, Charlotte immediately relented, clenching her teeth and trying to get a grip on herself as he began to slowly slide them off. As they moved down her body, Andrew found a soft cloud of brown pubic hair blooming from within. As her legs lifted to allow him to pull her panties off completely, he caught sight of her wrinkly pink labia and felt a surge of arousal. Charlotte clammed up, fueled by the contradictory emotions of fear and desire as she witnessed Andrew becoming startled by the sight of her intimately exposed pussy.
Charlotte observed Andrew's chest heaving in and out as he sat there, frozen and transfixed by the sight of her naked body. Suddenly, she saw his cock begin to thicken. It happened so quickly; twitching, pulsing, coming to life as it began to grow and slide along the inside of his thigh. Charlotte could see how embarrassed it seemed to make him and she felt bad that he was so anxious. Her own insecurities slowly took a back seat to the compassion she felt. However, she was also gripped by arousal and wonder as she watched his penis lift off his thigh and begin its ascent, lifting higher into the air with each anguished pulse, until it stuck straight up in the air, fully erect.
Lost in this sense of mutual vulnerability, Charlotte felt closer to Andrew than she ever had before. She embraced him and they resumed kissing, their lips frantic with the excitement of their first sexual experience together. Andrew reached up and cupped her soft breasts. They were warm and supple, acquiescing to his curious squeezes. He awkwardly familiarized himself with their fullness and density. She shivered at his touch, aroused by the conveyance of his own fervor and by the thrilling sensation of his fingers grazing her sensitive nipples. She responded by boldly reaching for his cock, her fingers wrapping around his long, stiff shaft which she could feel surging against the palm of her hand.
It wasn't long before Andrew was frantically pulling a condom from the drawer by his bed. He had taken it from the bowl of free condoms at the health center with a friend, boldly acting like he needed them all the time yet privately wondering when he'd next have a chance to actually use them. At long last, Charlotte laid back on his bed, biting her lip nervously as she parted her hips to him. He carefully crawled atop her, angling his body at the entrance of her vagina, and guided himself to the silky pink flesh that awaited him.
In the moments that followed, Andrew found himself gasping excitedly, overwhelmed by the thrill of how their bodies connected. He gazed down at the portal to her body as it received him deep inside; a coral-pink, fleshy hole so snug and wet, and crowned with a beautiful mass of sticky hair. He gawked at the two beautiful globes lurching up and down upon her chest as they frantically jerked their hips together. Their eyes connected, Charlotte drowning in his soft, loving gaze, Andrew moved by the emotion in her eyes, the building excitement as she let down her guards and abandoned herself to the joyous celebration of loving intimacy that they could now share.
Even now, so many years later and married, this memory filled Andrew with so much emotion. Their first time together was such a magical experience, one that could never again be replicated. However, that did not mean that they didn't try to keep the flame burning. Since then, Charlotte had meekly suggested different positions she was curious to try. They also experimented with edibles and, although they ended up sticky and gross, deciding never to do it again, neither was exactly regretful that they tried it.
Andrew had even once suggested that they buy a sex toy together. Too intimidated by the thought of going to a sex shop together, Charlotte found one online that she liked, a rechargeable ribbed wand made of premium-grade silicone with ten patterns of vibration, and had it shipped. They experimented with it together in the bedroom and it soon became part of their typical lovemaking routine.
Now that they were seeking to become pregnant, Andrew couldn't help but enjoy the process, especially given that it meant he didn't have to wear a condom. Since the primary goal for their lovemaking was actually to have a child together, Andrew felt too ashamed to express to her this pleasurable side of the process. Nevertheless, he found himself dwelling on the wonderful feeling of entering her, feeling the walls of Charlotte's vagina enveloping his penis, the extreme sensitivity he felt feeling her body from the inside without the barrier of a condom obscuring the sensation.
Projecting a sense of defeat, Charlotte wandered out of the bathroom and climbed back into bed next to Andrew. She snuggled up close to him, often feeling extra affectionate when she needed comfort. She rested her head on his shoulder and her body felt warm next to his.
