The Distance Between

I lay restless on top of the sheets of my bed. My own perspiration has already dampened the imprint beneath my naked body. My penis lies awkwardly toward the right, with the tip touching my thigh. The warm night air moves softly in the window causing the thin cotton curtain to slowly billow into the room momentarily before returning to hang limp again. The faint shadows on the wall of my darkened room make patterns of odd shapes that reminded me of a cheap cardboard kaleidoscope I once had as a child. I remember sitting for what seems like hours looking into the small tube, lost in my own world. A world of lonely secrets. The night outside my open window was silent and lonely and though I hated it for its silence, I'm glad it was there. I feel like a drug addict must feel at times. Loathing the weakness that possesses me yet seemingly living for it.

I listened to the footsteps on the floor above me and those footsteps told me where she was, and at times, what she is doing. My phantom lover, who has never felt the touch of my flesh against hers, I thought to myself as I lay there.

From her small kitchen she moves down the hall, then to the bedroom where she crosses to the corner of the room and undoubtedly sits for a while at her dressing table. In my mind I can see her brushing her long black hair, staring at her own reflection blankly as she pulls the brush away from her head. I can also see her naked back, smooth and soft, looking like porcelain as she sits on the small velvet covered chair. I imagine how her long feminine legs look as she sits with them crossed erotically in front of her.

At some point after I began to watch her I realized that she had been married for a short time, that was before she moved into the flat upstairs. I also learned of the small white scar that ran from high on her left?shoulder down to a point just above her right breast was the result of her ex?husband loosing control. I didn't mean to, but by reluctantly listening to her telephone conversations, in time, I learned that he was unable to be satisfied like a normal man, so he resorted to threatening her with physical harm. It started almost as a joke the first time and before long it became a constant and necessary part of their sexual intercourse.

I suspected that she found it mildly exciting at first. But in time he needed more than simple threats and that's when things for her began to go wrong. The violence became stronger as he became weaker. One night, in a drunken rage, unable to ejaculate, he took it out on her by pulling the sharp blade through her soft flesh.

I waited. Unaware of how long.I listened as her footsteps crossed the room above me to her closet where she hesitated for a moment.

Was she taking off her dress? Hanging it up? Was she getting ready to go out again? I suppose it was still early enough. Was she putting on her bathrobe? Was she? I heard one of her shoes hit the floor, then the other. Then a long moment of silence until her footsteps softly crossed to the bed directly above mine and I heard the floor creak ever so slightly as she sat on its edge.

Time passed slowly now as my impatient mind tried to imagine what she was doing at that exact moment. Reading? Filing her fingernails? Smoking a cigarette? Or simply sitting on the edge of the bed looking off into the dim light of her room ? lost in herself like me. Feeling her own pain. Was she naked or was she wearing a bathrobe? Does she even know that I exist? Does she have even the slightest suspicion that I am here? Does she know that I have made myself a part of her life without her consent? And, does she know that I desire her more than anything I have ever desired?

I try to force sleep, knowing it's no use.

I hear the faint but now familiar sound that her bed makes as she lays down. I close my eyes against the darkness of my own room. Listening to the silence as it roars against my ears I wonder what she is doing at this very moment? After some time I hear her stirring above me as she crosses to her dresser, a muffled scraping sound tells me that she has opened a drawer, then after a brief lull she returns to her bed. I hold my breath momentarily ? filled with hope of what will come next. This quiet signal subtly invites me to be with her. To have a sexual encounter with her the only way that I can. Like a man without any will I sit up in bed and cross to my own closet and my own secret.

Lifting the small wooden panel that was once only intended to be a temporary cover and setting it aside I pull myself up and squeeze into the tiny space between the walls that was created by a long forgotten remodeling job. Moving carefully in this now familiar place, I feel my way forward in the darkness to a makeshift ladder that takes me up to a narrow passage. As I reach the end of the cramped space I lean against a wooden wall?braces and look into her room from behind a small ornamental iron grillwork that once served as the heater vent for her apartment. As I look at her in the soft light of her room I feel strangely relieved that once again she is there, at the same time excited that she is as naked as I.

The distance between us is only about ten to twelve feet and yet it sometimes feels like thousands as she tenderly moves her hand up to her breast as if exploring it for the first time. Her long feminine fingers of her hand move slowly around the smooth roundness of her pale skin, often hesitating to explore her erect, already aroused nipples. Her breath comes in a series of low moans as her pale, nude body lies back on the white sheets and pillows that cover the bed. Her other hand moves sensuously to her right thigh and I watch as she digs her brilliant red fingernails lightly into the flesh in response to her mounting sexual desire. Her deep black hair falls over the side of her face, covering her right eye, as her head turns to one side on her pillow. I feel the desire within me of wanting to reach out and gently smooth the hair away from her face. As I watch her caress herself, alternating between a rubbing motion with her palms against the side of her naked breast and then gently rolling her nipple under her fingers, my own breath becomes deeper and my hands begin to tremble slightly. As her other hand moves up from her thigh her little finger brushes against her naked clitoris sending a mild shiver through her body. A breathy whimper spills from her lips as her hand runs smoothly up her torso to her other breast. For a brief moment she caresses both of her breasts with her hands as she arches her back and softly draws her right leg up toward her body. As she holds it there for a moment I can see her swollen pink labia as they lay on both sides of her swollen clitoris. Her clean?shaven pussy gives me an unrestricted view of the sensuousness of her female genitals and my mind yearns to be inside her at that very moment. My breath has become nothing more than a sort of controlled, silent panting as I watch her; the blood courses through my body as my heart pounds heavily within my chest. My cock, already hard, stands and jerk's involuntarily as I watch and desire her.

On the bed next to her right hip lies a deep green colored velvet pouch about twelve inches long with two small golden cords at one end that are tied in a bow to hold the top closed.

Moving her right hand down her body she lowers her leg as her hand slips down between her legs, momentarily covering her cunt from my view. I can see her middle finger caressing herself and gently parting her cunt lips. With her left hand she fumbles with the gold bow on the velvet pouch untying it slowly then opening the end and slipping her hand inside. As she pulls her hand out of the pouch her fingers are wrapped around a long white carved penis made of ivory. At the base of the penis is a large, intricately carved scrotum and testicles.

Taking the ivory penis she slowly moves it up and places the white tip lightly against her skin just above her right hip. Then moving it slowly as if she were being caressed by some imaginary lover, she slowly moves it up and over her belly to her right breast, resting for a moment just above her now erect nipple. As the finger of her left hand still continues its gentle probing of her cunt she alternates the tip of the ivory penis against her nipples that are now standing erect at least a quarter of?an?inch beyond the soft whiteness of her breast.

As she continues to probe her cunt lips I can see her finger glistening with her own moisture as it freely flows from her pussy in anticipation of being fucked by her ivory lover. I can feel my own cock slowly dripping its clear stringy lubricant from the small hole in the end. My desire to fuck her is almost more than I can stand! Without thinking I realize I have my cock in my hand and I am stroking it in time with her finger as it disappears and re?appears from her lips.

With slow and sensuous moves she moves the ivory dildoe down her body to her thighs where she begins to move it in small circular motions on her smooth skin just above her clitoris. Her breathing is becoming labored as she becomes more and more aroused. As the tip of the cool hard imitation penis moves to her clit, I can almost see the lips of her labia turn that bright crimson color and swell with anticipation of being entered and stimulated to the point of release. Her fleshy thighs are spread wide and tense strongly every time she hits a highly sensitive area of her exposed genitals. Her cries, though muted, are interspersed with whispers that I can't quite make out from my secret hiding place.

My mind now is in a sexual trance that has detached from reality; I can almost taste the sweetness of her cunt on my own lips. My hand grips my cock lightly as I try to imagine her mouth sucking me to a level of pleasure that I know is almost beyond my comprehension. I hold my breath as she moves the head of the ivory cock down to the wet entrance of her vagina. Her thighs quiver slightly in anticipation of the long white shaft entering her body. Pausing only slightly with the perfectly carved cock head barely between her lips, she then gently forces the smooth head past her lips and into her body and a groan of pleasure, low and sensuous, fills the room. I watch as the brilliant white shaft disappears slowly inside her pussy, pauses, then is withdrawn again. Her wet cunt lips part erotically and act as guides to her waiting vagina.

I slip deeper into my imagination and I now slide my hard cock inside her.

In the stifling hot darkness that surrounds me I loose my self. My reality is within me and it is nothing more than my hard cock thrusting inside of her wet aroused cunt. My own hand becomes her vagina and the darkness hides the reality of my separation from her.

The thrusting inside of herself continues as her pleasure mounts. Her soft voice strains and whimpers as it builds, moving her closer to the tidal wave of pleasure that will soon wash over her from somewhere deep within her feminine womb. I yearn to kiss her, to taste the erotic perspiration that beads on the skin of her neck. I ache to have her call my name softly as I make love to her. I wish with everything within me to replace the ivory penis with my own. I can feel the sweat dripping off of my face as we continue to make love…separated by the enormous gulf between us.

Suddenly the pleasure of her orgasm overtakes her and with a loud moan that almost sounds like a deep sob of loneliness, she arches her back, lifting her lower body off the bed as all of her muscles tense from pleasure. I watch as her body shudders uncontrollably and suddenly my own pleasure is upon me as my cock ejaculates with strong pulses into the darkness. I close my eyes against the reality of this confined space and imagine myself being held, being caressed by her in my moment of vulnerability.

Her passion has subsided and her breathing has softened as she lays nude on her bed. Her ivory lover still remains, quietly within her beautiful vagina. Silently I wait for her to fall asleep before I leave to return to my loneliness below. In time I hear the soft murmuring of her voice as she dreams her private dreams, and I know it is time for me to leave her once more.

As I return I can't get the vision of her naked body or our erotic encounter out of my mind. I stand naked before my open window looking out. I feel the unmistakable difference in my scrotum having just ejaculated my lust for her into the darkness, yet I don't feel the completeness a man feels when the woman he needs is holding his cum within her womb.

Exhausted, I move to my bed and lay down knowing that sleep will quickly take me from the reality of the loneliness without her.