This happened back in college. I had a reputation as the crazy girl of our group. If there was something no one would try, I'd try it. One of the things we talked about a lot was exhibitionist adventures -- streaking and that kind of thing - but it wasn't really a fad on our campus anymore, so none of us had actually done it. I kept telling the other girls I'd do it if one of them would do it with me, but nobody took me up on it. I called them all a bunch of chickens and gloated about how I was the only one in the group free enough to get a little wild. Maybe I pushed it a little too hard. Maybe they'd heard enough of my brave talk.
It was a Wednesday night. We were at a party at one of the jock frats, drinking like fish. I saw my roommates, Andrea and Katie, talking together in the corner and watching me, but by that time I was too far gone to notice the obvious signs of conspiracy. Somehow, my glass just seemed to stay full. I'd take a drink, then turn around and the glass would be full again. I'd drink, and it would taste a little stronger, but the level never seemed to go down. I was a little puzzled at first, but it started to seem very funny and I just laughed it off.
I remember being on the dance floor, bouncing around like a puppet on rubber strings. I think I fell down eventually, and some people picked me up and took me somewhere. It's all pretty fuzzy, and I can't really remember much of anything beyond that until I woke up the next morning.
You can probably imagine how bad I felt. When I opened my eyes, they hurt like hell and my head felt like someone had left their axe in the middle of it. I couldn't make any sense out of what I was seeing. There was a block of dark wood just in front of my eyes and a scratchy surface under my cheek. A dull gray light was seeping into the room, and I didn't want any part of it. I closed my eyes and slipped gratefully back into oblivion.
The next time I woke up, there was full daylight in the room. I didn't feel much better, but at least I was sober enough to figure out what I was looking at and where I was. The block of wood was the leg of a desk, and the scratchy surface was an oriental rug. Suddenly, I realized that scratchy feeling went all down my body. I bent my head suddenly and looked down at my naked body.
Two things hit me at once. My head felt like it had suddenly been hit with a bolt of lightning, and I realized I was stark naked in a strange place. I closed my eyes and lay there for a minute hoping the pain in my head would ease, hoping I would see some different reality when I opened them again. But the reality was the same, and it just added to the pain.
Then I heard the sounds of people nearby. That cut through the curtain of self-pity and got me going. I might have talked big, but I'd never been nude in front of random strangers. I had terrified visions of a bunch of people coming into the room and finding me nude, hungover and helpless. I pushed myself into a sitting position, leaned back against the desk, and looked around. Thankfully there was nobody in the room.
It seemed like some kind of office, a pretty fancy one, too. There were bookshelves along one wall with a lot of hardback books in them. A long conference table with chairs around it took up one end of the big room. There were plaques on another wall, and the desk seemed big enough to hold a dance on. When I stood up - very shaky -- I saw some papers on the desk, memos addressed to Dean _____, the Dean of Students at the college.
Then I heard the voices again. This time, they were very nearby, probably in the hall right outside the door of the dean's office. I scampered around the desk as best I could scamper with a head full of broken glass. Then I realized I was standing right next to one of the windows in full view of the outside world. I dropped down below the sill and looked out. There were kids all over the place. It was mid-morning on a school day. They were bustling to and from class and I was stuck in the dean's office in the middle of campus, without a stitch of clothing.
I looked around the office to find something to cover myself. There was no closet, but there were file drawers, lots of paper, but no cloth, and nothing bigger than regular letter size sheets. There had to be something I could use to put them together into some kind of covering. It would be better than nothing, but I couldn't find a damn thing - no tape, no stapler, no glue. I started to panic. There had to be something, but the dean was so damn neat, there wasn't.
Then my blood froze. "I'll see if he left any notes for the meeting," a female voice said, just outside the door of the office.
The doorknob turned and I dove behind the desk. My heart was racing a mile a minute and I was holding my breath. I had this crazy feeling I was about to explode I was so scared.
Feet came into the room and walked right up to the desk. I didn't think she could see me from where she was, but there was nothing I could do if she walked around the desk. While I was dying of fear and shame, not to mention a monumental hangover, she was humming a little tune as she checked the papers on the desk to see if they were what she was looking for. Then she walked over to the conference table.
"Hey Sue," another female voice called from outside the office, "what time are the city councilors supposed to show up for their meeting with Dean _____? I got to set up the coffee and rolls."
"Well, you better get to it," Sue shouted back, "they should be here in about 10 minutes."
"Yikes, I thought I had another half hour."
Sue finished whatever she was doing at the conference table and walked out of the office but left the door open. Another set of feet came in and started rattling dishes and moving things around over near the conference table -- setting up the coffee and rolls, I guess.
I was in shock. I was about to be the surprise naked guest at a meeting between the dean and the city council. My brain buzzed, searching for a way out but coming up blank. All I could see was me, arrested and led away in handcuffs, my nude picture appearing on the front page of the local paper. Between the fear of humiliation and the hangover, I was half crazy.
The woman finished setting out refreshments for the meeting and left the room. This time, she closed the door. My brain was in a fog. All I knew was I had to do something quickly -- but what?
I looked out the window again and saw hundreds of kids walking across the quad or sitting on the grass, studying. No way I wanted to run through that crowd naked, but then I noticed two other windows that looked out to the side of the building. I crawled around the conference table to look out there, and it did look better. It would be partly visible to the kids on the quad, but there was no path, no people, just lawn and trees and bushes.
