The Camgirl

XLV: An Ultimatum

Blake

Blake took a deep breath as she stepped out of the elevator onto Liam's floor. She'd been here before, but...

Blake took another deep breath, turning down the hall toward Liam's door. As she walked, she tried to ignore her stomach as it flipflopped around.

I don't have anything to be nervous about. This is Liam. He was my friend first. He liked me enough to hang out with me when I made it clear there was zero chance of anything sexual happening. That means he'll want me, right? He won't reject me?

Blake had to swallow the lump that formed in her throat at that last thought. She stopped in front of Liam's door, just staring at it for a moment before she raised a trembling hand and knocked on the door.

Fuck, even my stupid knock is nervous.

Blake heard some muffled talking from inside, then a call of "It's open!"

Frowning--she didn't think that was Liam's voice--Blake twisted the doorknob. She hesitated, taking another deep breath before pushing into the room.

Liam's room was about as messy as before, the layout itself again making Blake thankful that she'd decided to live in an "off-campus" apartment. Though the room itself was not new, its occupants were.

At the far left of the room, an Indian boy with a clean-shaven, angular face and short, styled hair, sat below a lofted bed, the backlight from a computer shining faintly on his skin. He wore flannel PJ pants and a shirt that, while not tight, showed off toned arms and what looked like a relatively fit figure. On the right, looking down at her from the top of a lofted bed, was a scruffy, dirty blonde boy with short hair and tanned skin. Blake thought he was wearing a T-shirt as well, but he was too bundled up in his blankets for her to tell. Both were handsome, just not in the same way as Liam. Though the Indian boy was very good looking. The thought of introducing him to Chloe crossed through Blake's mind for a moment, and she smirked at the thought. As she took in the rest of the room, however, Blake frowned.

Liam was nowhere to be seen.

For a moment, Blake thought of just leaving, but realized how strange of an introduction to Liam's roommates that would be. She also had no idea where to find him.

Strangely, Liam's absence made her a bit more confident in the face of new people. Though part of that might have been because Liam had talked about his roommates enough that Blake felt like she knew them about as well as she knew Sophie.

"Swar and Eli, right?" She asked, gesturing to the Indian boy and the scruffy boy in turn as she walked deeper into the room and sat down on Liam's empty chair. She had to suppress a sigh as she was able to smell him again.

The two boys exchanged a confused look before nodding.

"Who are you exactly?" Eli asked, eyeing her with a bit of understandable confusion at her invasion of their room.

"Blake," she said, "Liam's friend."

Eli barked a laugh and Swar rolled his eyes.

"That explains soooo much," Eli said, laughing a bit.

Blake undid her jacket and scarf a bit as she looked at Swar, who was studying her now, then to Eli, "Explains what, exactly?"

"Why Liam's been spending so much time with you," Eli said.

"And why he talks about her the way he does," Swar added, looking to Eli for a moment before turning his gaze back to Blake. He frowned, "Did you come by before or something? You look familiar. Liam said you were a Comp-Sci Major, right?"

Blake sighed rolling her eyes, she knew the debate going on behind those dark eyes well enough to know

exactly

where Swar had seen her before, "Yeah, but that's not where you know me from."

Swar raised an eyebrow, looking genuinely confused.

They're gonna find out sooner or later. Might as well get it over with.

Blake pulled off her beanie, trussing her hair so that it was in full view in all its brilliant blue glory, "This help?"

Swar's eyes narrowed, then widened.

"What?" Eli said as the bed creaked and moved on its stilts. He didn't have the best view of her from up there.

With another sigh, Blake stood up so that she was in full view.

She threw back her head at seeing their wide-eyed expressions, "Ugh, you two are as bad as Liam was when he saw me the first time. Yes, I'm Cherry, and yes, I know you two have probably jacked off to me at least once or twice. Normally I'd fuck with you guys to see how red-faced you'd go, but I'm not in the mood right now. Do either of you know where Liam is?"

Swar just stared at her for a moment, then seemed to catch himself and shook his head, "He went out a few hours ago, said he was breaking up with Marie. Haven't heard from him since."

Blake sighed, sitting back down in Liam's chair, "Yeah, I just came from the aftermath of Marie's end of that shitshow."

The two looked at her, confused for a moment, then Eli nodded his head, "Oh right, I forgot you're her roommate. That's probably gonna get awkward if you ever invite Liam over again."

Blake barked a laugh, "You guys have nooooo idea."

Raking her fingers through her hair, Blake spun around in Liam's chair. She felt oddly comfortable here, even with two guys she was meeting for the first time who knew exactly what she did and had

definitely

seen her do it. They still looked like they felt awkward as fuck, but they would just have to deal with that.

"Any idea where he'd be if he's not here?" She asked.

Swar shrugged, "After breaking up with Marie? If he needs to blow off steam he usually goes to the gym or the practice rooms in the basement of the music building."

"Ugh," Blake groaned, "Of course he'd be all the way back across campus. Asshole."

Swar and Eli snickered at that, and Blake smiled to herself.

Smoothing her hair back to stuff it into her beanie, Blake sighed at the walk ahead of her, then smiled at Liam's roommates, rising from the chair, "Thanks, guys. I'll probably see you again soon since Liam and I probably won't be hanging out at my place much."

The game system up next to their TV caught Blake's eye. She looked back to Liam's roommates, "How many controllers you guys got?"

"Three," Eli answered.

"Multiplayer games?"

Eli thought for a minute, then glanced at Swar, who shrugged, "I think just Halo."

Blake rolled her eyes, "Of course. I'll bring over another controller next time I come. You two better practice unless you want to get your asses whooped by a girl." She did up her winter clothes, then hesitated, turning back to Liam's roommates and pulling out her phone, "Can I get your numbers so you guys can text me if Liam comes back like right after I leave?"

They nodded and she exchanged numbers. Putting her phone back into her pocket Blake smiled at the boys, then gave them each a flat look, "By the way, I hope it's a given that I would appreciate you not spread around who I am. Now that I have your numbers, if I found out either of you have done that, I will solicit dickpics to flood your phones with."

With that, Blake turned toward the door and held up a hand to wave as she walked out, "Peace, dudes."

As Blake walked out into the hallway, a bit of her confidence restored, she smiled to herself. Maybe Liam's roommates had just been on good behavior, but it was nice knowing that she had two more people she could let her hair down--literally--around who wouldn't judge her. She didn't think they would be the types to tell people who she was, especially since Liam was their roommate, but a little warning never hurt.

Now Blake just had to find Liam and figure out what to do about him.

***

As the elevator door closed behind her--the basement was only one floor down, but she had no clue where the stairwell was in this place--Blake looked around the basement lobby. It was a pretty confined space, connected to what looked like a little office. There was one rotating door and one regular one, both with ID scanners.

Blake headed over to the revolving door--that had a big area behind it, whereas the other one looked to have just a hallway behind it--and swiped her student ID though the scanner, though she guessed what the result would be. When the lights blinked red, she sighed, leaning back against the wall.

"Fuuuuuck," Blake groaned, unzipping her jacket.

She'd already spent about fifteen minutes looking through the gym. Though Blake hadn't checked the

entire

gym, she and Liam had talked about their workout routines enough for her to know where he would be if he had been there still. He had to be here now--Eli and Swar hadn't texted her saying he was back--and yet she was barred entry. Blake glanced toward the office with its shuttered windows. She doubted the person inside would let her in.

Blake pulled out her phone and opened up her conversation with Liam. She didn't want to text Liam. She wanted to talk with him.

The ding that sounded as the elevator doors opened beside Blake drew her attention, and she found a smiling Asian girl with short dark hair and a large instrument case strapped to her back walking out.

Blake bit her lip as the girl fished out her ID. She didn't like drawing attention to herself, but...

"Um, excuse me?" Blake said.

Ugh. I sound like a nervous little girl.

The girl turned around raising an eyebrow.

"Would you be able to let me in?" Blake asked, forcing a bit more confidence and peppiness into her voice, "One of my friends in there was supposed to come let me in, but he's not answering phone."

The girl smiled, "Sure. You've gotta give it a bit of a push once I swipe. It's a little weird that way."

She swiped her card and gestured for Blake to go through.

"Thank you," Blake said, returning the smile.

The door beeped, light flashing green, and Blake pushed on the rotating glass door. She started when the mechanical part took over, and almost jumped out on the other side. She heard a soft laugh from the other side and turned back to wave thank you at the other girl as she came in after. Then Blake looked out into the room. She saw lockers straight ahead. Another hallway stretched down to her right, opening up to what looked like a sitting area with a view of the tracks at the end. That one appeared to have little hallways punctuating it.

"Those hallways are where the practice rooms are."

Blake turned and found she didn't have to force a smile at the girl from before. She was gesturing to the openings along the left of the hallway that led to the open area.

"The practice rooms all have glass doors, so you should be able to find your friend by looking in."

Blake grinned, "Thank you."

The girl returned the expression, then walked over to one of the lockers.

Giving the girl and then the hallway another glance, Blake headed forward and turned down the first one.

Blake looked through three and a half different hallways and into at least fifty rooms before she finally saw Liam. He sat at the piano in sweats and a loose T-shirt, facing away from the door. His pack and jacket sat in a pile over in the corner, and Blake could see that he had staff paper and some music up on the piano along with a pencil and his laptop. As she watched, Liam occasionally stopped playing to make a notation on the staff paper or scroll through something on his laptop. She'd seen him do that a few times before, but it still amazed her. It was just like writing code, she supposed, but at the same time it seemed magically different.

Blake was about to go in when Liam started playing. The rooms seemed pretty well-soundproofed, but this close, Blake could clearly hear the music Liam created. She stood spellbound, watching Liam's fingers dance across the keyboard as they created wonderful sounds. Blake knew she probably looked like a creep, but she couldn't move. The music was wistful, yet almost sad. It seemed to float up and off the piano into the air, dancing along with Liam's fingers. Blake had listened to classical music before--most recently at Liam's request--but none of that had touched her in the way this did. It was so much more intimate. Maybe it was because it was Liam playing the music, or because Liam was playing for himself, rather than performing. Blake could sense the emotion in it, though she found it difficult to tap any of it down with a label. It sent shivers through her yet made her feel warm and comfortable. The same way she felt when with Liam.

When the music stopped, Blake almost let out a yelp of frustration demanding to know why Liam had stopped. Then she remembered that he probably hadn't come up with the rest of the music yet. With a start, Blake realized that Liam had put his pencil back down and was about to start playing again. As much as she wanted to hear that wonderful music once more, that wasn't why she was here.

She knocked hesitantly on the doorframe, making sure she was visible.

Liam straightened, turning to the door. He started, eyes going wide when they met hers.

"Can I come in?" Blake asked, her voice so small, she wasn't sure whether or not Liam had even heard the question. Her earlier confidence had faded, throat tightening, stomach twisting and flipflopping.

Liam studied her for a moment, blue eyes unreadable, then nodded.

Blake smiled as she pushed open the door. She entered the room, closing the door quietly behind her, then turned to face Liam. His expression hadn't changed. Blake forced down the lump in her throat.

"Hey," she said.

He seemed to relax a bit, "Hey."

Well, this is wonderfully fucking awkward.

"I heard a bit of what you were playing," Blake said, moving so she was out of sight from the door. She pulled off her beanie and shrugged out of her jacket. There was a chair in the room, but she didn't take it. Instead she leaned against the piano's polished lid, "It was beautiful. Is that for an assignment? Or just something you're working on?"

Liam blinked at the question, brow furrowing for a moment. Then he seemed to shake himself, and shrugged, "A little of both, I guess. I have weekly composition lessons I have to have material prepared to go over or stuff to study, but it's mostly for me."

Blake narrowed her eyes for a moment before nodding. Had his cheeks gone a little red toward the last part? She thought his words had been a little clipped, too, like he was nervous. That was strange. She'd just told him she thought it was beautiful. Or was that

why

he was nervous?

Ugh. Fuck this.

She'd asked the question to try and diffuse the tension in the room, but that was obviously not working.

"Marie came back to the apartment before I left," Blake sighed, meeting Liam's gaze, "She told me what happened."

Liam's cheeks colored a bit, "Oh. Did--did she--"

He cut off with a sigh, shoulders slumping.

"She's not okay," Blake said, "but not to the point where I'm worried about her or anything." Blake paused, "If it makes you feel any better, she tried to take a pass at me when I was trying to comfort her."

Liam blinked, then sighed, bringing a hand to his forehead, "It does, and it doesn't."

Blake frowned. Liam still seemed too stiff. Was he uncomfortable with her here?

"Liam, how are you doing?" She asked, inching a bit closer, yet keeping the piano between them, "Swar and Eli seemed a little worried about you."

Liam raised an eyebrow, "Swar and Eli? When did you talk to them?"

"I wanted to talk to you," Blake said trying to downplay what he knew was a trek across campus and back in the cold weather of a New England November, "but figured you wouldn't answer your phone, so I walked over to your dorm. They told me where to go. However, that's a question, not an answer."

Liam studied her for a moment, then sighed, "I just didn't feel like talking to anyone or being around people. Breaking up with Marie...it brought up some things I needed to think about. Working out helped distract me and calm me down a bit, composing helps me work through things."

Blake raised an eyebrow, "Even though you're thinking about composing?"

Liam shrugged.

For a moment, Blake thought she should leave and give Liam the space he wanted. As soon as she thought of it, however, it seemed like the wrong course of action.

"Talking can sometimes help with that," she said slowly, watching Liam's eyes, "What kind of things have you been thinking about?"

Liam stared at her for a while, then sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair.

"I told you that I never really had an actual girlfriend before Marie," he began staring off into space, "I always wanted one, though, and now I'm not really sure I actually had that with Marie. Not the way I wanted, at least. Marie was basically the first pretty girl that I got along with and who showed interest in me. I think I was so desperate for that that just making sure I could keep her interest was what kept me engaged in the relationship. Then it was the sex. I wasn't going to do that--not until I found someone I was in lo--" Liam cut off, licking his lips, then continued, "but she wanted to and I made excuses...and then our relationship basically became only about sex. That's not what I want, and it obviously didn't work out. I--" He cut off and met her gaze, "I want to make sure that doesn't happen with you. I don't think it will, because we were friends first. Marie and I just hooked up and kept on hooking up until we went home for break. We barely even went out on any dates."

Blake hoped she hadn't given anything away. Had he really been about to say that he didn't love Marie? She couldn't remember ever hearing them say that to one another. Did that imply that he--no he couldn't.

Could he?

"I think you and I will be alright," Liam continued, "because I actually like you and enjoy just hanging out and talking with you, but..." He sighed, "I

thought

I felt that way about Marie, too. I just worry that everything could go wrong, and I don't want that to happen."

The edge and worry in Liam's voice at that last part surprised Blake. She couldn't help but feel a warmth at it, though. She liked that he was that concerned about making things last with her. Though it didn't seem to make her any less nervous.

"I think I understand," Blake found herself saying, nodding at Liam, "I had a few thoughts like that after you came on my show the other day, and after Marie told me some of the stuff you said to her."

Liam raised an eyebrow, "What did she--?"

Blake cut him off with an expectant look, "I want to make sure that you're okay with what I do. I know you're okay with it as a friend, and while most people don't know who I am, but I need you to trust that I can do that and--" she paused, swallowing. When did her mouth get so dry?

"And be yours," she finished, "Even if I stopped right now--which I don't plan on doing--I would still be recognizable." She trussed her hair, "I like my hair,"

And I know how much you like it,

"And I know scrubbing anything from the internet is impossible. I don't want to always have to wear beanies when I go outside."

Liam raised an eyebrow, "Blake, we've been over this. I'm fine with what you do."

Blake sighed, "There's a difference between having a friend who cams and having a--dating someone who cams."

Liam frowned, then let out a sigh of his own, "I guess you're right. Did you think of anything to...well, to do about it?"

Blake frowned and let her head fall to the piano, "Yeahhhh."

She picked her head up and took a deep breath as she smoothed her blue hair back out of her face.

"I think," she said slowly, meeting Liam's eyes. Fuck, she did

not

want to say this. She knew it would be better for both of them in the long run, though, "I think that for right now, we keep things how they are between us. Just friends, nothing--nothing physical." She had to force the last two words out. The look of shocked disappointment in Liam's eyes made it both easier and harder to continue without taking those words back.