I hate living in London.
Everyone I met here moved with promises of a well paying job, a full career, and eventually a better life. On the other hand I was forced to leave my home town and go to the only place where I could get a job. Then, just to make things worse, every time I met someone new, they would flee London the moment their career moved to a level where they could get cushy work from home contracts, while I was stuck as a hospitality manager at The Royal Shaftesbury Hotel, a fancy hotel in Hyde Park, hardly the sort of job I could do in my pyjamas on a laptop.
This means that I was denied the most important opportunity, the one everyone I got close to would take the moment they could, the chance to move out of London.
So now I sit at night in a one bedroom flat in Barking, my only activities are staring at my phone and the shifts I go to work to earn just enough to pay for rent and certainly not enough to have a hobby that would get me out of the house to meet new people.
I am alone, alone in my house, alone in London, alone in the world. I try to look for jobs that will get me out of this stupid city, but I always end up comparing the salary with local living expenses and figure out it's not worth it. It doesn't matter what name is on the map if I'm still stuck at home with nothing to do. So for now I'm in a holding pattern waiting for a job that pays well in the hospitality sector where I have experience, but isn't in London. That's a tall order and it's been getting harder and harder to summon up the energy to do that.
In me, my depression takes an odd form, I could go weeks without having a single good thought, but give me breathing room and my brain only has one gear to switch to.
I get incredibly horny.
I've heard tell of people turning to addiction to break a cycle of monotony and mental illness. At least slamming a dildo into my pussy and turning the rabbit ears to their strongest vibration setting is cheaper than heroin.
It's when I feel my most alone that I do it. I'll get a couple days off work and knowing I will only leave the house to buy the cheapest groceries the supermarket has flips a switch. Soon I'm looking up porn on my phone and getting ready to be unable to walk straight for a day or two.
During those times my relationship with the outside world becomes similar to that of an atheist's relationship with god. I stop believing in its existence. Others believe in it, others have experienced it, and I have played along with being in its presence, but it doesn't exist for me when it gets in the way of my pleasure. If I have a wave of memory of the outside world, if my belief flourishes, then I move on to hating it.
So in those days, every blemish and sun stain on my bedroom wall becomes as etched into my mind as the feel of smooth latex gliding inside of me. The walls close in until my world is just a room to hold my pleasure and the outside is a void to threaten my isolation.
Then I discovered porn of women desecrating the outside world with naked displays of brazen defiance. Of course I got hooked. Every picture of a woman flashing her body outside felt like another "fuck you" to the expanse of space isolating me in my room.
I started off scattershooting myself around the internet, bouncing between a variety of different websites, finding my favourites and stuffing my bookmarks full of smut. But one day I found the singular website to occupy all my spare time.
The Bounty Hunt League was a simple concept, using competition to drive women to more extreme feats of exhibitionism while monetising the content through getting users to pay to commission photos to their specifications.
The way it worked was simple, there were a series of leagues, women competing to earn the most points to win the prizes that come with being league winners. Anyone could pay to put together specifications for a photo or video, the site moderator would compare the component parts of their request to a price list to figure out the value of their request. Once they have paid, the bounty goes live and the competitors earn points by fulfilling those contracts, the general exchange rate being 1 point for every $50 spent on the picture, but there are bonus points for the quickest, the commissioners favourite, and the winners of audience votes.
What really intrigued me was that the site operated like a sports league, with a top division of 20 elite competitors, and 3 lower leagues in a constant scramble to either get promoted or at least avoid relegation. And because they didn't want professionals, but real women from all walks of life, the commissions were divided and made available to the appropriate leagues so winning became a matter of quality rather than quantity. There weren't enough bounties in each league for a woman with a lot of spare time to win through quantity of low value photos, they had to go big with each upload.
With progression and competition, I was able to pick out women and see their rise and fall. I could support performers like a sports team and thrill every time they release their latest bounty claim. Plus I knew I could not watch for a while during my depressive episodes, come back when hyper, and delight in catching up on the risers and riders.
I know what you are thinking, I'm a relatively attractive woman, why not become a competitor myself? I didn't see that happening. You can support a boxer without looking to get punched in the face. I did sometimes wonder what it would be like for my d-cup torpedoes to grace the website I love so much, but I was certain in that mental state it would simply lead to regret rather than invigoration.
I was, however, completely up for scraping together some cash to pay for a bounty.
First I had to set up an account and pick my username. I chose Lonely_Girl, which was a bit on the nose but it was all I could think of at the time. This would be important as one of the enduring rules is that whenever a woman was fulfilling someone's bounty, they had to write that person's username somewhere on their body to indicate who they were stripping down for and to prove they were responding to a specific bounty and not using an old or stolen picture.
Originally I wanted to put a bounty on a picture with a London landmark in the background, but the Bounty Hunt League didn't allow for specific locations, both to maintain an international stable of competitors and for safety reasons. So instead my challenge was to flash tits and pussy in front of any landmark, candidates allowed to hide face.