He didn't return to the bookstore for several days. He was bothered by the ring he had seen on her left hand, but not understood until after their few moments of passion were over. He kept telling himself that she had left him, standing there waiting for her, for a reason and her reason was probably a profoundly good one.
He kept telling himself that she hadn't want to face him and he didn't intend on placing this beautiful woman in any more trouble than she was already in. . .or that he suspected she was in. Instead, he tried to distract himself with a hundred odd jobs. But it was now Friday again and he always went to the bookstore on Fridays. Obviously she wouldn't be there . . . she had run away . . . she would want to avoid him or so he told himself, but secretly he hoped she might be there. After he ate his lunch, he decided to go for a walk.
Around one o'clock, he found himself in front of the bookstore. He hesitated for a few minutes, toying with the idea of waiting until next Friday, in order to avoid her . . . or avoid the disappointment of her not being there. He decides he is being silly and enters this store he has felt so comfortable in for these last four or five years and as he looks around, he realizes she is not there and he is truly disappointed. He goes back to the used book section, in part to think about that meeting and in part, hoping against reason . . . that she might be there. She was not.
He sits down on the reading table and slumps down in the chair . . . feeling the weight of a loss he is just now starting to comprehend. Silently, without focus or concern, he sits there waiting for the urge to stand or to cry or to do some other thing he has not yet considered.
He is staring at the books lying on the table, but is not touching them or reading them or really even noticing them when he suddenly smells a wonderful and familiar scent and then hears a soft whisper "Oh my god. . .you are here."
Turning, he looks up into the beautiful, soft green eyes that had captured him before...in disbelief. He chokes out, "I never thought you would be here again"
"I didn't think so either" she says quietly.
Long minutes . . . each filled with 120 seconds it seems, pass before he get his voice to work again, "You left me in such a hurry. I looked for you, but you were gone."
"I know. I was just so . . . I don't know . . . afraid maybe. I was definitely not expecting that to happen" she says in a cracking voice just above a whisper. "Even when we flirted, I felt safe and in control. I definitely did not feel in control any longer after . . . well . . . after that!"
Looking deeply into her eyes, afraid she is about to say goodbye, he says, "I know. I felt out of control too. But . . . but I also felt more alive and more connected than I have ever felt before! With anyone ever!" His eyes start to fill as he says, "So why are you here?"
"I wasn't sure I would be here...I've waited a whole week and every day I wanted to come back but was afraid to come back. I'm not sure if I was more afraid I would find you or that I wouldn't!" A single tear flows slowly down her cheek as she continues quietly, "I'm not sure what happened . . . I am not that girl . . . I don't have sex with strangers and I don't have sex in public. Oh my god . . . we would have been in so much trouble if we had been caught. My folks would never have forgiven me!"
"But you are here . . . now." he says with more calm than he feels. "You are here and I am here . . . and it did happen and it happened with you and with me. And just so you know, that is not something that I do either!" He looks at her and sees her fear and confusion and he wants to her to feel safe as he says, "What happened between us can't be an accident . . . can't be meaningless . . . because we just aren't those people. Except we were those people last week and that it felt more wonderful and more real than anything ever has before."
He goes quiet for a moment as they study one another's face and then says. "I don't even know your name or what that ring on your finger means or anything."
Confused for a moment, she glances at her hand and then smiles softly and answers, "It's my Grandma's engagement ring . . . and I wear it so because it makes me feel close to her." She gets a stern face as she says, "This whole thing is not me but that is even truer for it happening if I were engaged!" Suddenly her face seems less tortured and she smiles for the first time and she sits down beside him. "OK . . . so how did this happen? I mean," laughing self-consciously, "I know how it happened but HOW did this happen to me and to you?"
"Well, I don't know really. I struggle speaking to strange women and I just seemed to be possessed suddenly with this desire and I had no ability to stop myself. I honestly felt like I was having an out of body experience . . . well sort of . . . well, not for all of it. But, I really didn't mean for it to happen . . . but I'm glad it did . . . well not if I hurt you . . . but god you are so beautiful!" his words seem to gush out.
Watching him as he trips over his words and tries to explain himself, she finds herself drawn to him. She finds him to be warm, and childlike and funny and she finds herself feeling safe for the first time in a week . . . a week filled with confusion and regret but also filled with unbelievably sensual and moving thoughts. When he finally pauses for a breath, she softly says, "So what now . . . you?" Laughing softly, "What is your name . . . can't be Y O U, so what is it?"
Feeling the tension break, he smiles and says "I'm Josh, guess the introductions are a little late, but better late than never?"
"You think?" she says laughing.
"And you are?" he asks as formally as he can pull off.
"I am Sara...without an H" she answers, also formally.
