iMessage from Ashlyn St Pierre: hi
With one simple text message she had shattered the illusion that I could go the rest of my life without ever thinking about her again. I hadn't spoken to Ashlyn St. Pierre in over five years, and it had honestly taken me almost that long to stop thinking about her... obsessing about her. I had, at long last, accepted the end of our three-year long relationship. She had been my only love and, truth be told, my only lover. And, like a shot out of the blue, she was back in my inbox.
iMessage sent by you: Yes?
I had agonized over my response to her text for the better part of a day. Should I ignore her message? Try to be friendly? Pretend I didn't recognize her number? The dozens of possibilities zoomed through my mind. However, each response that I considered made me seem either too eager to talk to her or entirely too bitter. I suppose that's what happens when the love of your life cheats on you, though.
iMessage from Ashlyn St Pierre: how are u?
I felt my heart start to beat faster and faster... I had imagined this moment for years! The last time we had spoken (well, the last time we had texted) she had informed me in no uncertain terms that she never wanted to talk to me again. She had found herself a "real man" who was "sexually compatible" with her, and she just didn't want any contact with me anymore. She still cared about me, she insisted, but felt that having me in her life would put a strain on her new relationship. So, to ensure that I wouldn't disturb her and her new boyfriend, she had blocked me on everything; no texts, no instagram, no snapchat. Every phone call went straight to voicemail and every email was bounced back. She had completely cut me off for five years. I guess today she had finally decided to unblock me...
iMessage sent by you: I'm doing good. Been really busy with work. You?
It wasn't a complete lie... I had been really focused on my career for the past few years and it was finally starting to pay off! I had just recently managed to save up enough to put a down payment down on a beautiful townhouse. For years I had felt a pretty embarrassed about living at home with my folks but now, at twenty-eight years old, I was finally living on my own. Most of my friends had rented apartments with friends or with their significant others, and I remember feeling intensely jealous as I scrolled through Instagram looking at their Pinterest-worthy apartments photos. But now, a few years later, they were realizing that they had no savings and no ability to buy a home anytime soon. I finally felt like I had arrived at financial adulthood and I was enjoying living alone in a big two-story townhouse.
iMessage from Ashlyn St Pierre: yeah, Sebastian and I are great
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It took all of three texts for her to mention him! Sebastian Scott. Just thinking about him... them... still gave me a pit in my stomach. I guess that I had hoped that they would have grown apart over the years. Maybe I had hoped that he would have cheated on her the way she cheated on me. Maybe that's petty, but for years I had fantasized about her coming back to me. I had dreamed of her begging for my forgiveness, having been given a taste of her own medicine. But I had been kidding myself, of course.
I was lucky to have met Ashlyn during her 'ugly duckling" phase. I was a few years older and we worked together at a part-time summer job. I was a freshman in college, and she was still a junior in high school when he first met. She was cute, and silly, and shy. She was very pretty, of course, but I hadn't been immediately attracted to her. She certainly wasn't immediately attracted to me. She usually put her long brown hair back in a ponytail, dressed in loose-fitting clothes, and wore almost no makeup. Maybe that's exactly why I was able to be myself around her... Within weeks we had started dating. It was the first relationship for both of us. Soon I couldn't imagine my life without her.
However, as we got older Ashlyn seemed to become more and more beautiful. And she completely transformed her appearance as she approached her freshman year of college. She dyed her mousy brown hair jet black and began visiting the salon regularly to keep it silky and shiny. She had gained a little weight over the years, but she wore it perfectly! Her chest slowly grew into perfect tear-drop shaped breasts that were large enough to fill up any top. She had begun working out regularly, building herself a thick peachy ass. Even her wardrobe changed: she was wearing more sun dresses and skin-tight yoga pants, and less baggy sweatshirts and old jeans. She began to put on more and more makeup, accentuating her tan features and soft freckles. And her piercing blue eyes could always melt me, even if she was now displaying them behind big stylish oversized glasses. In short, my girlfriend had blossomed into a thick, voluptuous beauty! But now she was way out of my league. As the years passed, I missed literally everything about her. Not just her incredible looks, but her laugh, her smile, the way she made me feel like I was the smartest person she had ever met... the list goes on and on
iMessage from Ashlyn St Pierre: u there?
I hadn't responded yet... What was I supposed to say? I'm sure Sebastian was doing great. He was everything I wasn't! I was never someone who got a ton of attention from girls. I wasn't completely ugly or anything, but I just didn't ever seem to be one of the guys girls fawned over. I was tall but always pudgy from a lack of athletic activities. In high school I was nerdy, wore glasses, had bad acne, and spent most of my time playing saxophone in the marching band. I had plenty of friends that were girls, but never a real girlfriend until Ashlyn. And while she blossomed as we got older, I just never hit my stride. I slowly gained weight (at my heaviest I weighed 270 pounds spread out across my six-foot two-inch frame), battled adult acne, and found that my hairline was already receding before my twenty-second birthday. When we broke up I was twenty-three but the truth is that I looked like I was closer to forty-three. I had really tried losing weight and exercising regularly, but I just couldn't move the needle. And the more beautiful Ashlyn became, the more unattractive I felt. I knew that Ashlyn was getting more and more attention from guys around her college campus, and I couldn't help but feel incredibly uncomfortable when we would hold hands or kiss in public. I felt like everyone's eyes were on us because I just didn't look like I could possibly be her boyfriend. You would think that I would have felt proud to be with her, and I was! Incredibly so! And, as far as I was concerned our sex life was incredible too! I just felt, in my heart, that she could do better. And yet, I was stunned when she cheated.
iMessage sent by you: What do you want, Ash? I mean, last time I checked I was still blocked on all your social media
While Ashlyn had blocked me on every form of social media known to man, Sebastian hadn't. He wasn't a big social media person, but he did have an old Facebook Account that still had some of his pictures from college. I wish I could say that I didn't cyberstalk him but, honestly, I have to admit that I studied every inch of his public profile. He was basically to my age (maybe a year younger), came from a family of four brothers, was in some dumb frat in college, and was very good looking. I feel awkward saying that—I've never considered myself to be anything other than completely straight—but the truth is that he was a very attractive guy. He was the type of guy that high school girls dream about. He had classic good looks. From his Facebook pictures I could see that he had short shaggy brown hair that he liked to gel over, a dazzling white smile, and smooth tan skin. He wasn't tall—maybe five foot nine or so—but he had a very toned, athletic body. He wasn't massive, but I could tell that he went to the gym regularly. I think he played lacrosse in high school. His profile pictures were filled with photos of him at parties, campfires, and football games. He was clearly a guy who liked to have a good time. I doubt he had ever cracked open a book, though.
Fuck, I was angry at him! This macho frat bro had to have known that he was hooking up with a girl that had a long-term serious boyfriend. And, as far as I was concerned, we were serious... We talked about buying a house together and I was even starting to think about proposing the summer after I graduated. In my mind's eye he had always taken advantage of my naive young girlfriend and stolen her away from me. But I had to admit that I was also angry with myself... I was angry that I had let this perfect woman slip right through my fingers. And I think the worst part was that she was dating someone who was so completely different than me! Based on his profile I could tell that him and I would have had nothing in common. Except Ashlyn, of course.
iMessage from Ashlyn St Pierre: that didn't stop you from trying to friend Sebastian on fb though, did it? :P
Fuck. I felt my cheeks growing red instantly. She was right, of course. I had "Friend Requested" him on Facebook a month or so after Ashlyn had blocked me. It was a moment of weakness, for sure. It's totally embarrassing now, but I honestly couldn't help it! The jealousy that I had felt post-break up was so intense and I was dying to know more about the guy who had stolen the love of my life. When she had broken up with me she hadn't really told me a lot of details about him... just that they had met at a party and clicked instantly. Naturally, he denied my friend request.
--
Our actual breakup was a pretty awful ordeal. I still have nightmares about it. Probably the worst part was that she couldn't bring herself to actually tell me in person. She literally sent me a text telling me we were over. I was stunned and completely shocked. I just didn't understand. After days of begging to see her, Ashlyn finally agreed to meet up with me so I could have some closure.
