I've been hiking for about an hour, pausing now and again to focus my camera on what might end up being a good image. I change to my 150mm f4 lens and take a few shots of a beautiful stand of trees nearby. Even though my digital camera always produces color pictures I'm thinking in B&W for this shot. The light is delicate and dreamy, low key, mostly dark with some shafts of sunlight shining down through the foliage to illuminate the forest floor. This is exactly why I'm a photographer.
As I'm squeezing off a third shot, a commotion grabs my attention. I can't see anything, but I distinctly hear female voices screaming not too far away. There's also another sound I can't make out, but the noises are getting closer to me by the second.
Going into photojournalism mode, I take a couple of steps back, bring the viewfinder to my eye and wait. All of a sudden, from the other side of the trail, a blond woman in her early twenties runs out of the bushes. Seeing me, she swerves and runs in my direction. My finger is very active on the shutter as she approaches- in obvious distress. I can't help but notice that she is completely naked. Despite my surprise, the photojournalist's code is to shoot first, and ask questions later.
Seconds later, another young woman, this one with light brown hair and, coincidentally, also completely nude emerges from the bushes. She trips and falls to her hands and knees just as the most enormous...
Wait, wait, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, perhaps I should take a moment to fill you in on who I am and why I'm here.
I'm 22, 5 foot 11 (almost), and my weight fluctuates right around 170 pounds most of the time. I've got blond hair, at least it used to be blond. It's been getting darker the past 5 years or so. I run and love to play volleyball and soccer.
My family's not rich but my parents had enough money to raise me pretty well on the south side of Elgin. I earned consistently high grades in high school, and did very well on my SAT's, so I was accepted into a good school with a partial scholarship.
I'm a photographer. Actually, I'm starting my 4th year at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign in the Fall studying photojournalism.
I've been selling some of my work for the past 6 years or so, mostly portraits and landscapes. I've even done a few weddings to help pay the bills- profitable, but oh so boring. My dad works in Chicago and when I was about 14, he'd take me in to town occasionally. I loved walking through downtown and along the lakefront. The people, all so busy with their lives. They almost never noticed me with my camera taking candid pictures of them. So many expressions on their faces, so many silly or funny things happening to them. So many stories. I was also fascinated by the architecture. My pictures are mostly about the light as it bounces off surfaces and reflects onto others. I've gotten pretty good at seeing. That's really the trick to photography. It's amazing how many people look, but don't see.
It's early June and I had driven the 25 minutes or so down to Lake Shelbyville from my apartment in Sullivan, Illinois. I was walking the shoreline trail at Wolf Creek State Park- one of my favorite spots. It's pretty early in the season, before the schoolkids are out for the summer, so the park is still largely deserted. Everywhere you look there is wildlife in evidence. Deer, squirrels, ducks, geese, swans, egrets, frogs and little fish in the shallows. The leaves on the trees are starting to change from their spring yellow green to their summer blue green. I told you; photographers see these things.
So- that's enough about me for now. Back to the story. Okay?
Where was I? Oh yeah, the second nude woman, the dark haired one, remember her? well, she's on her hands and knees struggling to get to her feet when an enormous white BIRD charges out of the brush- wings spread at least 8 feet- making a terrible noise and bites her right on the ass. Screaming, she gets up and dashes forward toward us. My camera is set for 3 frames per second, and I'm using all of them.
I recognize the bird as a swan, but it is absolutely huge. It runs out to within 6 feet of us and stops abruptly. I am terrified but glued to the spot. I can hear the girls behind me gasping and moaning and shrieking. The bird is making a loud screeching/trumpeting sound. He stands there staring at us for a couple of seconds, then turns its head left and right before turning and dashing back into the bushes.
There is silence for about 5 seconds before we all start talking at once.
Me: "What the hell was that? Are you okay? My god, that was the biggest bird I've ever seen. I nearly peed myself. Where are your clothes?"
Blond: "Oh, my god that was so scary- he just came out of nowhere- my heart is beating so fast, I'm going to have a heart attack- what the hell was it? - What are we going to do?"
Brunette: "That fucking animal is going to DIE- I told you this was a bad idea Julie- My ass is killing me- am I bleeding? - Who are you and why don't you just mind your own business?"
After a long pause, I pull my brain together enough to blurt out, "Seems to me that you two might be in need of some help. I can see that you left literally everything behind, which presumably includes your clothes, your wallets, your car keys and your phones."
The blond, staring darts at her friend says, "No, no, really, you're right, we could use some help. Thank you, but we're a little freaked out."
"I think we all are," I observe.
About then the brunette realizes she's naked and does a hasty job of using her arms and hands to cover her naughty bits and turns away from me. The look in her eyes shows she realizes it's a bit late. I look down at the bright red mark on her left butt cheek. The blond sees her and does her own version of the cover-up move.
"Love to stand here and chat", the brunette says, "but we should move off the trail. Some cyclists are coming this way."
"Over here," I say, pointing, "there's a thick stand of small trees just there. I'm Ted, by the way."
"Do we trust him?", the brunette asks her friend.
The blond looks me up and down appraisingly, "He looks safe, and there ARE two of us."
As we turn to head into the thicket, the blond turns to look at me again. "Teddy, is that you?"
"Um, what? That's my name, but, wait, Julie? Holy shit it is you?"
"You two know each other?"
"Uh, yeah," Julie stutters, "Teddy and I were neighbors Elgin. He and his folks used to come over to swim in our pool on hot days when we were kids. We moved out of that neighborhood about 10 years ago- has it been that long? You really grew up."
"Just Ted is fine- never really liked Teddy. Yeah, those were fun afternoons. You've grown a little too. Why are you guys here? Where are your clothes?"
The stand of small trees we're standing in have trunks that are 2 to 3 inches in diameter. They're closely spaced so we can see out fine, but I'm pretty sure no one can see us here in the shade from the brightly lit trail. The bikes, there are three of them, roll past, not in much of a hurry.
"This is my friend Simone," Julie answers, "and we were going to do some sunbathing, you know, as nature intended."
Simone interjects, "And just as we were getting settled, that THING, was that a swan? that THING came rushing out of the bushes at us, screaming at us. We barely got out of there with our lives, let alone our clothes. Look at my ass- I'm bleeding, for Christ's sake."
"You said something about maybe helping us," Julie notes, "Any ideas about what we can do?"
"Well first, you're safe, at least for now. Second, I have a shirt that I can donate to one of you." I said as I started skimming off my old Van Halen t-shirt. Sorry I didn't bring two. You could have my shorts, but I went commando this morning. Wait, I did bring a small towel here in my pack."
"I'll take the shirt, my tits are bigger than yours," Simone says.
"I guess I'll take the towel then," Julie replies, "It's enough to hold in front of me."
"This shirt's pretty short, not really something I could wear in public, but under the circumstances, thanks."
I continue, "Third, I think I could arm myself with a stick or something and see if I can scare him off long enough to grab your things. Who knows, maybe he's moved off by now."