Ted walked into the hotel. He stopped and took a look around. This place was huge. He was impressed. For a company that had hired him solely to keep Sales Reps in check budget-wise, they sure didn't mind shelling out the big bucks for conferences. He also liked that it looked nothing like the hotel in Laredo. He shuddered as he thought about that night.
So he was here, the dreaded conference that Mary had been talking about since the day she had hired him.
She basically told him the job was crap, made even crappier by the grief he would no doubt take at the conference. The way it was explained to him, his whole job was keeping a large group of entitled Sales Reps on a tight fiscal budget. No easy task. This company sold supplements, physical fitness equipment and work out clothing. It was important that they looked the part and boy did they. Their looks made them feel superior to the hoi pollio and Ted's job was to rein that entitlement in.
He was given a generous signing bonus and an additional bonus was hanging out there if he made it to six months, two months from now. Two months after the conference.
Mary was upfront with Ted. The first bonus was a way of getting him, anyone, to take the job and the second bonus was there to keep him from quitting during the conference.
Ted had racked up some pretty significant debt, which he suspected Mary was aware of, which was why he had taken the job. And he sure could not afford to quit now. He needed that second bonus.
And the job was bad. The first expense reports sent to him were so egregious that he thought they were jokes, a little hazing perhaps. But no, these people were trying to expense haircuts, clothing, meals with friends, Netflix subscriptions, etc, all under the heading of "it makes me better at my job."
And now he would be meeting all these people face to face for the first time.
He headed over to reception to check in. There was a line of about four people ahead of him.
He was admiring the backside of the woman in front of him. She was about three inches taller than he was. Blonde hair spilled halfway down her back. Great arms and a firm butt that you could, well, one that you could certainly admire.
Someone called out "Hey Melissa," and the woman called back "Hey Bev."
"Oh Melissa," Ted said, "I think you are one of mine. I'm Ted Tyler."
She turned back to him with a smile that quickly turned into a sneer and said, "I am certainly not one of yours."
"No, right," he said, "I just meant," but she had turned back around and he let it drop.
He checked in and was handed a tote bag that contained some pretty lame swag and an agenda for the next few days.
He was looking around the lobby again and saw Melissa talking to Bev and pointing over at him.
He smiled and waved, but neither was returned. They were then joined by two men and another woman and again, at one point everyone turned and looked at him. This time he did not wave.
Any thought he had about staying in the lobby and meeting new people had quickly soured, so he set off for his room.
Once there, he dumped the contents of the swag bag on his bed. The first thing that caught his eye was a sealed clear bag that had, what, a shirt, a sheet? He'd get back to that. Next he saw a much smaller clear bag with a leopard skin pattern. No idea.
He was about to open them when the agenda caught his eye.
Tomorrow was meetings all day and as he knew, he was scheduled to present a brief overview of the new system for turning in expense reports.
Tomorrow night after dinner, they split up by territories. One group was having "Movie Night," another was having "Game Night," and his group would have a pool party down at the "lower pool."
"Damn" Ted thought, "how many pools does this place have?"
The next day, more meetings and then the Toga Party/dance after dinner.
Finally, the last day, morning meetings and a luau at the main pool for lunch before everyone departed.
"Toga Party," mumbled Ted, "what the hell? He then opened the bigger bag and was not all that surprised when a Toga spilled out.
"Oh great," he thought.
He then opened the smaller bag and this time he was very surprised. It was a leopard skin jock strap. Well no, not a jock strap exactly. More like a thong maybe? Then he thought, this must be what male strippers wore.
What the hell was this doing in his bag?
The next morning, after loading a plate with food, Ted looked for a place to sit.
He approached a table that had one seat left and a pretty woman, they were all pretty women, flung her arm in front of the chair and said "taken" without even making eye contact with him.
He headed for another table but was warned off by the dirty looks he was getting as he approached.
Finally, he saw a table with two guys sitting alone. As he set his plate down, one of them said, "Ah, you must be the other auditor."
"How'd you know that," asked Ted, relieved to have a place to sit.
"Look at them," he said, gesturing to the other tables, "now look at us. Look at them, now look at us."
"Right," said Ted. "I'm Ted," he said, sticking out his hand.
"Mike," said the one who had guessed who he was, "and this is Alan. Welcome to the Animal House rejects table. Wherever you try to sit, you'll always end up back at this table."
"First meeting?" asked Alan.
"Yes," Ted replied.
"Mine too" said Alan.
"Second for me," said Mike.
"Geez," Ted said, "this is like High School."
"Worse," said Mike. "More like Fraternity hazing for us."
"Is it really that bad?"
"So bad," said Mike.
"It couldn't be too bad, or you wouldn't have come back."
Mike said, "look here is the deal. It is bad for all of us, but it will be especially bad for one of us.
Last year it was Sheila. You'll notice Shelia isn't here. Also Mitch quit last week, which is why you don't have a roommate. That just leaves the three of us."
"God, I don't like those odds," groaned Alan.
Just then, Mary approached the table. "Gentlemen," she said, acknowledging Mike and Alan, which only seemed to make them uncomfortable.
"Ted, I just wanted to make sure you were ready for your presentation this morning."
"Yes ma'am," he replied.
Mary smiled a little, she liked the "Yes, ma'am."
"Well keep it brief," she said as she walked away."
"So your delivering the bad news, this morning," asked Mike. "About the shorter window for turning in reports and the new restrictions on travel?"
"I am. Do you really think it will be controversial?"
"Um, maybe," said Mike.
When Ted looked down to spear a sausage, Mike and Alan shared a look.
It was a long day. Ted's presentation was met with open hostility, but he kind of liked putting these jerks in their places. "Too good to eat with me, well take that!"
At dinner, as at lunch and the breakfast before that, he sat with Mike and Alan.
He noticed that at each meal, their mood seemed to improve.
"I am not looking forward to games with my group tonight," Alan said. "I can tell they have something planned for me."
"I think I might be okay," said Mike, "we're just watching movies."
"What is your group doing," Alan asked Ted. "Swimming?"
"Oh prepared to be pantsed then," said Mike.
"Why do you say that?"
"Seems obvious," said Mike, "turning a little red."
"Last year" Alan mouthed to Ted as way of an explanation.
"Well thanks for the heads up. I'll be sure and tie my suit extra tight or maybe I just won't swim. I could go down in shorts and a t-shirt and not risk it."
"Oh No," cried Mike, "don't do that! If you try to beat them at their own game, it only escalates.
Trust me, it's better to endure a few seconds of humiliation, than pay a bigger price later.
Just get it over with." And then Mike blushed again.
Ted had tied and retied his swim suit like twenty times. First he tied it really tight and found that indeed it would be impossible to yank down. Then he barely tied it all and yes, it came right down! He found that any degree of looseness made him susceptible to pantsing.
Ultimately, he took a deep breath, tied it like always, put on a t-shirt and flip flops, grabbed a towel and headed to the pool.
It was around eight and the sun was starting to set. Hopefully it will be nice and dark by the time they try something, he thought.
He was experiencing a little PTSD from Laredo. He had assumed "a hard time at the conference" meant rudeness and maybe a practical joke or two. He hadn't counted on nudity. But hey, how could a quick pantsing be so bad after what he had already been through. Still.
Everyone else seemed to already be there and most were in the water. Ted could not help but be struck again, by how attractive all these people were.
He had a decent enough body, but with this group, he was a man amongst Gods.
He oversaw the accounts of eighteen reps and they were all here. Thirteen women and five men.
He spotted Mary, and although older than everyone else, she still looked great, rocking a blue one piece with a small robe draped over her shoulders.
"Ah Ted," she called out, "the man of the hour! Would everyone like to hear Ted's presentation again?"
"Worst 'Ted Talk' ever," one of the guys called out!"
"Grab a drink Teddy boy," Mary said, as she lifted up a red Dixie cup, sloshing out some of it's contents.
"Thanks," he said, but I don't really drink." This remark was met with a chorus of groans.
