There is a beach about 17 miles northeast of here that is known to be pristine, quiet, secluded and peaceful; also, a little bit hard to get to. Parents never bring their children there, either. It's also an official (unofficial) but not-often patrolled Nude Beach - as in swimsuits optional. If your beach umbrella, chair, cooler and towel are north of the invisible county line, you should be all right according to prevailing city ordinances. In other words, if you think you're close to that line, keep on walking - no sense pushing the issue with authorities. It may be federally owned property, but county patrols cruising on ATVs also have authority there.
Getting arrested for indecent exposure is an expensive and damned inconvenient situation - not counting the fines. There's no pleading innocent in court, either. After all, you were caught literally with your pants down. They say the unwritten trick is to warn people in advance by placing a swimsuit nearby on a bush or in plain sight along the dunes. Of course, a second swimsuit would be handy to have to quickly slip into if you see a shiny badge reflection heading your way. At least have a towel handy. People have been known to have sex on a nude beach, but that is very risky business and not recommended.
I just wanted to go one time to be able to say I'd been to at least one nude beach in my life. Call it crossing off a Bucket List item. What the heck? If true freedom is "nothing left to lose", then lose your swimsuit on your beach chair towel and go for a walk along the beach - free balling, as it were. I hadn't made up my mind what I would do until I got there, but once there, my Puritanical, mid-western upbringing told me to enjoy the weather and the beach but keep your britches on. I decided that my freedom to keep my pants on was more important. Besides, I've felt "unimpressive" ever since 7th grade when our physical education teacher first made us take showers in the locker room after exercising. We weren't supposed to look around on the way to the showers, but everybody did despite the warnings from our teacher that, "Boys, we're all the same". Well, that was a myth, to be sure... even back then.
I did violate one of the unwritten rules of nude beaches in that I took a camera. I always take a camera. Might as well tell me to not take a cooler, towel and sunblock. However, pointing the lens at naked bodies at a nude beach is considered bad form and highly frowned upon. Never know where those images might wind-up, so it's a good idea to not be seen in front of a camera lens or behind one. True nudists couldn't care less, but other people definitely will. I had surfed the Internet before I went to get today's Surf Report to learn where the waves were good, tide info and extended weather so I knew today was a good day for Surf's Up. Nobody ever goes surfing in the nude because of the traction devices built on the top of a surfboard. It's almost like sandpaper. Who wants to rub their nipples or their wiener on sandpaper while paddling out and waiting on a good wave? Nobody, that's who. I thought I could get some nice surfing action while I was there catching some rays and enjoying the peace.
So, it was about 11:30 a.m. when I unpacked the car and made the trek down the required handicap accessible ramp over the dunes to the beach and made a left-hand turn up the beach toward the specially designated area. I was close to the county line, but I wanted to be extra sure... just in case. I dropped my stuff and took the 2-piece umbrella out of the case, selected just the right spot and started to screw it into the sand as far as I could. Then, I attached the top piece, locked it in and spread the umbrella out. I set up the matching beach chair placing the cooler at the base of the umbrella and unwrapped my camera and long lens from the beach towel.
Expensive cameras hate the beach sand, so I was very careful with it. Looking around, I was pretty much the only person on the beach, but people were up and walking around north of here, kicking up water and some walking together in waves up to their knees. The tide seemed to be coming in, so the waves would begin to get bigger. I moved my chair out from under the umbrella into the late morning sunrays, took off my shirt, locked the beach chair into the horizontal position and laid back to close my eyes for a breather and some warmth. The orchestra of waves and seagulls had my mind drifting in a short while to the point of being oblivious to my surroundings.
I woke up later and found a lot more people on the beach - some clothed, some not - some that maybe should have been, but I'm not here to judge. Life was good in the world until the Puritans came here. That's the story and I'm sticking to it. They were feeling free, and freedom is good. I stood up and rolled the legs down on my swimsuit and stretched my arms. I rolled them up before, so the tan-lines didn't exactly stop at the bottom of my suit. I'd have to roll over later to catch more rays on my back. As I stood there, I noticed a couple of surfers out among the incoming tide, then grabbed my camera, adjusted the shutter speed settings for catching action and made ready to shoot some sports action. I admired their skills in wave riding. I'd only prior experience was on a boogie board off the California shore way back when, in my twenties. Note to self: Swallowing too much salt water is not good for you.
Keeping both eyes open to judge the overall scene and be ready to frame the camera for the best shot, I saw a nicely shaped woman walking along the beach wearing what looked like was a knitted or crocheted bikini in rainbow colored material. Geez, I hadn't seen one of those in ages, but she filled it out and wore it well. My camera was set for high-speed sports, so I snapped-off about 10 shots in the next three seconds as she strutted along the beach, then trained my camera on the surfer who had just caught a wave and was riding in. Hearing the noise of my camera shutter, the woman immediately changed her walking direction and came right for me. I thought I was about to be verbally and severely chastised. I kept shooting the surfer as she drew closer.
"Hello", I struggled.
"Hi." she was smiling. "I didn't get in your shot, did I?"
"Nope. Not at all. I'm from the Midwest and we don't do much surfing there. Thought I'd get some sports pictures while I'm down here. I can take some pictures of you, if you like. It used to be my career."
"Not today. I just came down to the beach to tan a little bit. My hair is a mess, and I don't have a thing to wear." She smiled back.