We're off to the beach, Greta, do you want to come?
It was a hot Saturday morning and it was a provocation. We were on summer holidays from Uni. I shared a house a couple of blocks away from the sand with Gary and Tim and we were looking for a matching number of girls to spread their towels with ours. Sandy and Dina had texted back yes. They would hang out with us on the beach for the morning; that was all. But could we find a third? Too many of the girls we knew worked Saturdays. Greta was, I guess, just a friend. She was never going to say yes, but equal numbers was important. And we were happy to stir her.
You know I hate the beach, Greta replied soon enough. Which left Alice. I suggested her, and Gary groaned. He didn't like someone that smart hanging out with us. But who else, I challenged, so he shrugged. Tim reminded us that she had pretty good looking breasts. I asked Alice and she agreed. She would meet us there in half an hour.
"Sunscreen?" Gary suggested. The girls had placed their towels next to each other in way that made it girl girl girl and so boy boy boy.
Sandy laughed at us. "You boys look after yourselves, we're good."
"We don't want you to burn," Tim offered. And because Tim was sleazy it sounded sleazy but the girls knew him well enough to let it brush off. Not helped by how he stared at their bikinis rather than their faces when he offered his help.
"You're so funny Tim," Dina teased. Although she had a deep tan she was coating her arms with her sunscreen as she talked back to us. "By the way," she added to underline Tim's line of vision, "do you like my tits?" She rolled back her shoulders for the obvious effect. Fortunately and to my surprise Tim didn't try to answer that.
"Why were you so desperate to get me to come?" Alice asked me. "Afraid of looking like you're not attractive to women?"
"If I wanted to be attractive to women, do you think I would want even numbers so we all look attached?" I joked.
Alice wasn't convinced. "I know you Neil. There is always something going on in that head of yours, some scheme."
"You're right," I agreed. "I wanted to pretend that you and I are in a relationship."
"That's fucked up," Alice smiled. The other two women agreed. I looked for support from the boys but they both looked hostile. "Did you try to invite Greta?" she added.
"Swim?" I suggested. Yes, it was a deflection.
"What's going on there?" Gary shouted, proving he was good for something. And indeed what was going on there? We looked where he looked, a short distance down the beach where two topless women, one tall with large breasts the other not so large appeared to be fight-playing in the surf. The thinner one got the other's bikini bottoms down to her knees for a moment before apparently collapsing laughing which allowed her to pull them back up.
"What do you think you are doing?" the bigger one demanded, loud enough to attract all our attention.
"Americans," Sandy noted with a hint of disdain as the two topless ones started at each other again. This time the busty one jumped on the back of the other pressing her breasts pretty comprehensively against her. Not that she seemed to mind.
I was curious about what the girls' reaction to such blatant behaviour would be. But Tim had to speak of course. "So you can do that on an Australian beach?" Tim stated, because he thought that was funny.
"What do you mean?" snapped Alice although I could tell that she was closely observing the girl fight as it now moved up the sand towards a bemused looking guy sitting on his towel with two other towels spread near him.
"Those are girls who know how to have fun," Tim suggested.
Alice sneered.
Dina rose to the challenge. "Ah, I get it. You'd like us to perform for you like that. For your titillation. We get it."
The Americans leant down to talk to their guy then decided to suns themselves on their backs on their towels, breasts blatantly out and up.
"Do you think that they don't care what people think or that they want to attract attention to themselves?" Gary considered.
"What do you think, Gary?" Alice snapped.
"Nothing," Gary automatically replied.
"Are you boys getting turned on?" Sandy asked. We won't going to answer that.
"They don't seem to care," Dina suggested, meaning the American girls not us.
"Only one way to find out," Alice concluded, as she got up and walked over to the Americans. She squatted and talked to them for a short while. We all watched her closely. At one point the thin one reached up to Alice. We held our breath but she only grabbed Alice by the arm for a moment, I guess to emphasise some point they agreed on before letting her go rather than wrestling Alice or reaching for her top as I had hoped. Alice stood up and smiled at them pretending to ignore our attention. She sashayed back towards us acting uncharacteristically coquettish. About halfway back while pretending not to notice us, Alice reached behind and removed her bikini top then walked the next little way topless watching for our admiration. As she came up to us, she adjusted her top back up, pretending that she had done nothing provocative.
When she was settled, Gary spurted "So what did they tell you?"
"Oh," she shrugged, "I was just talking to Miss Penthouse."
"What?" we all went, like an implosion. We all looked over and got a brief wave from the two Americans and a resigned shake of the head from their male companion.
"She's performing Ibsen tonight," Alice revealed. "She's invited us to attend."
"A live show," Dina laughed. There was something in her laugh that I didn't like.
"Would you actually go?" I asked Alice. And added stupidly "I suspect her performance would involve taking some of her clothes off."
"You think so?" Alice challenged. "Would you take an innocent girl like me to some sleazy dive to see what a pair of worldly Americans may get up to?"
"We Australians are so unsophisticated," I pointed out. "Compared with them..."
"And baring their breasts on our chaste Australian beaches," Tim added, unnecessarily.
"So it's breasts you boys want?" Sandy dared us.
Alice weighed in. "Did you like my tits?"
"Alice!" Dina exclaimed. She could be a prude.
Tim pulled a strange face. "We really didn't get long enough to look at them," he insisted.
I looked over at the Americans who were unnecessarily applying suntan lotion to each other in the most provocative way possible. The skinny one had narrowed her bikini bottoms into her crack so the busty one could really engage with her whole erogenous area. The busty one didn't seem to be wearing anything at all although it was difficult to tell from our distance. Their male friend was getting some attention from the skinny one although again it was hard to tell exactly what she was doing to him.
"Why don't you boys go over to introduce yourself to Miss Penthouse, see if she will invite you to the show," Sandy taunted us.
The two American girls seemed to be snogging each other on their towels. "Probably not the right time," I replied, "they seem busy."
Alice came over to my towel and rubbed my bathers, confirming that I was getting excited by the whole thing. Thank God for board shorts. Alice smiled at me. "You really are enjoying the show," she confirmed.
"Why shouldn't I watch?" I challenged. "It's a public beach."
Alice had a weird look on her face. "What if I said there was another show on tonight?" she smirked.
Gary heard that. "What kind of show?" he asked.
I twigged. "Greta. The amateur dramatics." I looked to Alice who nodded.
"She's been working on something," Alice advised as she looked hard at me. I pulled a what-face back at her. "She thinks you're worth the effort," Alice continued. "Me, I'm not so sure."
Then I noticed that Tim had run down into the surf and was jumping and splashing, trying to get the attention of the Americans. He ran up the sand to them. The Americans had settled on their fronts as Tim arrived. He could address them to their faces if he could shift his eyes from their cleavages. We of course were all watching.
"Ladies," Tim said when he was close enough to command their attention. And of course he was loud enough for us to hear.
The thin one looked up at him with more than a bit of steel in her eyes. "Whatever the question is," she told him, "the answer is no."
We all tried not to laugh too loud.
**
Greta dropped over in the late afternoon. She let herself in and found us in the lounge room with our beers. I smiled at her as she stood in the doorway in her characteristic long-sleeve linen top and full length slacks. She smiled at me and sniffed. "I love the smell of unwashed men on a hot summer's day," she remarked. Of course she looked perfect.
Gary looked over at me. "Is she joking?" he asked hopefully.