"Nobody told me there'd be days like these.
Strange days indeed."
— John Lennon,
Nobody Told Me
Author's note:
This story takes place in Australia, where the academic year runs from February through to November. It is based (very loosely) on actual events and places. All of the featured characters are versions or hybrids of real people (including yours truly).
Daniel's Story
"Full nakedness! All joys are due to thee;
As souls unbodied, bodies unclothed must be
To taste whole joys. Gems which you women use
Are like Atlanta's balls, cast in men's views..."
— John Donne,
To His Mistress Going to Bed
From an early age I had a serious crush on my next-door neighbor. Almost three years older than me, Laura was and is gorgeous — brunette, with warm hazel eyes and a fine figure, slim and shapely. In addition to her exquisite looks, Laura was and is clever and strong-willed, an energetic high achiever. At school she threw herself into just about everything. She joined clubs, served on the student council, won academic prizes and athletic honours. She was also a thrill-seeker. Despite her diminutive stature she was tough and utterly fearless, engaged in sports such as mountain-biking and rock-climbing. Yet she was also incredibly sexy. When not acting the tomboy she reveled in being a girl. She was proud of her body and legs, which she liked to show off in short skirts, snug-fitting tops and barely-there bikinis; but not in a vain or wanton manner. Laura was a flirt but never a tease, nor a prima donna.
I don't know if she consciously played on the juxtaposition of pretty and petite with the difficult and dangerous, but the contrast could be striking. For example, when she was sixteen she won a junior motocross championship, against boys as well as girls. She was the smallest rider in the field and prevailed by sheer daring and determination. She sauntered off the track looking triumphant in her mud-spattered leathers, high-fiving her friends and fans, reeking of fuel and exhaust fumes, her dirt-caked face barely recognizable but for the patented Laura grin — outwardly modest but betraying at the edges her sublime self-confidence. Yet a few hours later she turned out for the awards ceremony completely transformed, prodigiously feminine in a little pink party dress. I was thirteen at the time, and while my infatuation was already well-developed, that was what pushed me into straight-out idolatry.
Not surprisingly, Laura was the most popular girl in the neighborhood, exacerbating the anguish of my unrequited crush. In high school she was attended by a retinue of admirers and acolytes. She went through several boyfriends and the occasional girlfriend. Her preference was only slightly biased in one direction. What was most demoralizing for me, however, was that when word got out that we were close, I was besieged by potential suitors seeking an introduction or hoping for a recommendation.
Of course, I never expected for myself anything more than platonic. Besides our age difference and dissimilar natures, almost diametrical opposites in many aspects, because neither of us have siblings we developed a surrogate big sister—little brother relationship which ruled out anything more intimate.
Naturally Laura had flaws. She could be stubborn and at times dogmatic, most often about trivial things. She could be bossy, although she would call it assertive. She was intolerant towards people she judged to be stupid; and even if they were, she could come across as arrogant. She was fully aware of her charm and charisma, and would act abrupt and sometimes cruel towards devotees who overreached themselves. But it was impossible to disparage her, because everything she did was done with style. And that came out in the fact that although she must have known of my feelings for her — I was not very subtle — she never made a big thing of it, nor had me feeling awkward.
So when she went off to university, it was something of a relief for me. I was finally freed from the torments of Tantalus. I had long since abandoned any thoughts of entering the temple of Laura.
For the next three years I saw Laura in person only intermittently. She had lived with her mother since her parents' divorce. They didn't get on and Laura rarely came home. But we kept in touch. I think I may have been her anchor; so maybe she was not as fancy-free as she pretended. In any case, I followed her to the university three years later — not in a stalkery way, although we ended up living in the same student accommodation.
Nestled amongst the trees in a quiet corner of the campus, Lakeside Hall is in actuality five multi-storey apartment blocks connected by covered walkways. Four are mixed-sex dormitories housing both undergraduates and postgraduates in twin-share suites. The fifth wing accommodates first-year students, with males and females occupying alternate floors in four-bed units. Altogether Lakeside has four hundred residents, of whom just over three-fifths are women, which mirrors the university's population.
When I applied for admission Laura didn't mock my choice and in fact helped me through the process. This was vital because Lakeside is rather selective. What sets it apart from other residential colleges is not just its secluded location but the fact that it's fully autonomous, and organized on a self-help basis. There are no full-time paid staff. All residents are rostered for catering and housekeeping duties. The seniors also provide peer support, mentoring and tutoring. This collaborative philosophy extends to governance. All internal affairs are managed by an elected house committee. There's a manager and a proctor, but they are essentially honorary officers with only nominal responsibilities. Most importantly, fees and charges are very low. And all this is possible because Lakeside is independently funded by a network of alumni and "friends". One of the benefits of this system is that there is no strong imperative for residents to hold down an outside job. This allows more time and energy for academic, social and cultural activities.
My interview for admission went smoothly and I settled in quickly. My roommates were typical of what you find among freshmen from out of town. There were only three of us because the fourth hadn't turned up. Ricardo was the popular kid in high school who struggled to cope when he transitioned to the much bigger arena of the university. But he sought solace in varsity sport and found his niche. Ben was a scruffy, indolent rapscallion whose attitude was to study just enough to pass. His major saving grace was his sister Emily. A third-year student, she doted on her brother more than he deserved. At our first encounter she was wearing a candy-striped, strapless playsuit; and it was impossible not to be smitten by the transcendent vision of honey-blond hair, sapphire-blue eyes, lustrous legs and delectable décolletage. But she had a gentle soul, was unworldly and intellectual, and did not seem aware of her own resplendence.
Meanwhile, I'd met Caitlyn. She was a "townie", a local girl living on-campus. There were lots of these at Lakeside, more than at most of the university's residential houses. She was a second-year student; but we were enrolled in a similar course, the history and philosophy of science, and became study buddies. We complemented each other, having our particular academic strengths and interests. She was quiet and sweet-natured, with brown hair and eyes, a cute flush of freckles and an endearing way of tilting her head during a conversation, as if showing a sense of ease or trying to get a different view — it was hard to say which, perhaps both. Gradually a closer bond developed.
We celebrated Caitlyn's birthday on the weekend before Easter by visiting her parents. I didn't ask why she wasn't living with them. But there was something oddly appealing, almost seductive, about life at Lakeside Hall. I mean odd because as soon as you arrive it's like your senses tingle. There's an aura of mystery, secrecy even, as if something is going on beneath the surface or behind the curtains. And it's easy to attribute this to the relative isolation and the brooding eminence of the surrounding, dense woods, which are positively spooky at night. But even before I arrived I knew of its unorthodox reputation; even if actual claims about what went on there were always vague. The legends of debauchery and diabolism could be dispelled by a brief tour.
Still, I am reminded of Plato's famous allegory of the cave. For people trapped within, their only glimpse of the reality outside consists of shadows moving on the walls.