Slowly Moving On

Chapter 9: After The Party, It's The Hotel Lobby Bar

When I got home and finally checked my phone, my other issue suddenly came to the forefront. Amanda had both called and messaged me again both were asking me to call or text her back. Considering what had just happened, I didn't think it would be such a terrible idea, and dialed the number.

Before I even spoke a word she picked up and spoke, "Matt, I'm so glad you called back. I was worried that you had, well, thought ill and unprofessional of me." She was stammering a bit and at more of a loss for words than in the entire year I had been talking to her.

"Look, what you do in your own time is none of my business. This is my fault. I didn't knock, and I intruded on your time. Amanda, this is on me. Please don't give it another thought. If you don't think you can continue this relationship due to this, I'd be happy to see someone else, or just end this all together. If not, I'm happy to continue to get my therapy with you. Either way, I would ask that you hear me through one more time for some closure on some current issues we have recently discussed and have become... a bit more urgent."

"Matt, this isn't your fault. This is completely mine and I will not have you taking the blame for something that you had little to no control over. Why don't we discuss these urgent issues in a session, at the end of which, we can have a frank and open discussion on what transpired after the last session? We can then decide what course of action we should take from that discussion. Would you be amenable to this plan?" There was the coldly clinical Amanda I'd come to know. She had shown a bit of life and now was shutting that right back off.

"Sure, Amanda. Whatever you think is best. Our regular time next week won't work as I'm out of town at a conference starting Monday. The following week I can make just about anything work though?" I asked. Meanwhile, texts were buzzing into the phone. I'd have to deal with these after.

"No, if this is truly urgent, I can meet you in the office this afternoon and I think it's best we both get closure about the last twenty-four hours sooner than later?"

"Uh, sure. I need to get cleaned up a bit, but could be there any time after 2:00?"

"I'll meet you at 2:15 in my office. Please do knock before you enter this time." With that, she hung up. I was dumbfounded. Did she just crack a joke? Was she mad? Did she know I had watched before barging in?

All these thoughts raced through my head as I was now staring at my phone. Justine had texted during the call:

*Missing you already.

*Here's my homework assignment. -purple devil emoji-

Attached to the texts was a picture of Grant eating her out with his face devouring Justine's pussy and his pink boy short clad ass up in the air

So many things were swimming through my head. I replied:

*Need to clear my head

*Have an appointment with my psychologist in a little bit

*Catch up after.

I put down the phone and headed to the shower again. I felt dirty and I hadn't even done anything since showering after my run. All these emotions and images were running through my head from Jenn, to Justine, and to Amanda during the shower. It was hard to focus on anything. Finally, I put myself together and headed out. I was at Amanda's office as if no time had passed.

I knocked on her door this time. "Come in please," I heard muffled through the door.

As I walked in, I noticed that Amanda was dressed similarly to the prior day. A different dress, black this time down to her knees with black stockings and yet another pair of red-soled shoes this time black to match the dress. The neckline of the dress which didn't reveal anything except for a silver necklace with a silver ring hanging down in the dead center of her chest. Her hair was up in a bun, and her face revealed just a hint of make-up, yet again under a pair of black-rimmed glasses that accentuated her cheekbones. A subdued but stunning look.

As I sat, she began as she looked down at a note pad in front of her. "Thank you for coming in this afternoon. As we discussed on the phone, I'd like to take the time to delve into your current issue and then to spend the last bit of our session on a discussion about what happened after yesterday's session." She took a deep breath and looked directly into my eyes. "What has happened since you left last night?"

I spent the next fifteen minutes recounting the events after leaving her office last night. It was a bit awkward telling your therapist that you needed to release some tension after what I had seen after the session, but hell, this was the new me putting it all out there. She shifted in her chair ever so slightly as I recalled more intimate events. I could swear she was holding her breath at the spicier parts. If I had to guess, I thought she was getting aroused by this, just like last night. That thought was quashed as cold and clinical Amanda returned.

"I think you probably did the best you could have in that situation, Matt. I also think that your effort to make sure everyone was on the same page prior to escalating the situation was honorable, but this did escalate things quite a bit and I am concerned for the emotional well-being of all parties involved."

"Ahem," I cleared my throat and interrupted her. "Then, there was today, Amanda."

She listened intently again as I told her of my interaction with both Justine and Grant from earlier. I had gotten to the point where we were discussing the rules, and Justine was giving Grant a blowjob when she stopped me.

"So, Grant confessed to his true feelings about what he wanted you to do with his wife, and started laying down the rules about said activities? While she manually and orally stimulated him?" It seemed different referring to it in this way.

"Um, yeah," I stammered. "Justine just kept telling me to shut up when I tried to say anything, and I'll be honest, the thought and the scene in front of me at the time made it hard enough to stand up let alone leave."

Amanda shifted in the chair. There was no mistaking her arousal as her skin betrayed her in blotches of red creeping up her chest and neck.

"At least they were very clear of what they expect, and what his limits of these activities are. A lot of times, in these situations, this discussion of limits doesn't happen and it leads to abject failure," she said quite coldly. "Continue."

I pushed forward and continued the story until Amanda again interrupted me when I was talking about the homework I had given them.

"You thought this up right off the top of your head? Out of the blue right there? Is this something you had thought about or researched in any way?" She asked with a genuine look of puzzlement on her face.

"No, it came out of nowhere. I wanted to say the right thing for them and not disappoint them after all that they had risked telling me. The last thing I wanted to do is fail them or hurt them. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to do for me, but I think it was the right thing to do for them."

"How so?" She asked.

"They texted me right before I came over here. They were doing what I told them today and they sent me a pic of it."

She raised an eyebrow and turned to look out the window. There was a long pause as it looked like she was contemplating what to say next.

"In my professional opinion, becoming physical with Justine jeopardizes your support system. Additionally, treating Grant this way further jeopardizes that same support system. It is my professional advice that you sit down with the both of them, again, and state that for everyone's well-being, that this cannot go further." Coldly clinical Amanda was working in full force here now.

"If you search yourself, you know that this is the right thing to do, Matt. What you do next is ultimately up to you though. Your thoughts?" She was staring at me blankly waiting for a reply.

I stammered a bit not knowing what to say. "I don't know what's right. I know I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't have let it get this far. All these feelings welling up all of the sudden that I've pushed down for so long clouded my judgment. I also see that I probably need these sessions more than I realized and I've wasted a year of your time."

She cut me off, "On the contrary, everyone needs the time to work through these things. Without the last year, you wouldn't be at this point now. You'd still be repressing all of these feelings and you actually might have ended up alone and a danger to yourself."

"Unfortunately, that leads us to the second half of our conversation. I can no longer continue to see you for these sessions. I agree that you would benefit from continuing, and I have referred you to my colleague Colleen Phillips." Where had I heard that name before?

Amanda must have seen my puzzled look. "Her name is one of the names on the office door. She shares the office space with me here, so you see, you are not really leaving. Think of it more as moving on. I will apprise her with all of the details of your therapy and provide her with my files, with your consent of course?" I nodded and she handed me a card with Colleen's information on it. "You can contact her on Monday for an appointment."

"Matt, I think you have made tremendous gains here over the last few weeks. I apologize that my indiscretions yesterday are getting in the way of me helping you attain further gains. I am truly very sorry. If you wish to file a complaint with the state licensing board, you would be more than justified. I would not stop you as this was completely inappropriate behavior on my part."

I cut her off before she continued, "That won't be necessary. You didn't do anything wrong. I, I, well..." I was stammering again.

"You didn't do a thing wrong, Matt. Now could you please wait outside for a few minutes while I write up your referral to Dr. Phillips? Thank you." She stood up and reached out her hand to shake mine then escorted me to the door and just before she closed it said, "I'll call you back in a few minutes. Thank you for your understanding, Matt." She closed the door and I couldn't have been more dumbfounded as I sat in the waiting area.

My thoughts were jumbled. I felt confused and rejected. All of this led me to feel even more guilty about standing in the door and watching her yesterday. I felt guilty and I was as much to blame for this as her. I was wrestling with what to say to her as I heard what sounded like talking coming from behind the office door. Puzzled by this I was tempted to listen at the door, but that had gotten me into enough trouble already. I patiently sat there and suddenly the door open and she beckoned me into the room again.

"Please sit, Matt," as she pointed to her chair. This was odd. I looked at her quizzically. "Yes, Matt. Please sit there. I have discharged you from my care at this point. Sorry about the wait, but I just finished up the documentation. I discharged your chart and made your referral to Colleen." She handed me a printout with the referral.

I sat down in her chair. It was an odd feeling as I only had the perspective of looking towards the other side of the room for the past year. She sat down in my seat and crossed her legs. I could hear the black stockings rub across each other and tingle went up my spine. I noticed her hair was down now and out of the bun.

Before I knew what was going on, she began to speak.

"Matt, I'm once again very sorry to have had things come to this. I feel I owe you an explanation, but I had to discharge you before I could talk to you openly about any of this. Again, feel free to speak to Colleen about any and all of this. She is very apprised of our sessions." A subtle emphasis was on the very of that last sentence.

"Amanda, it's as much my fault as yours. I watched you through the door." The hot flush of embarrassment came across my face and I could not look at her. "I watched you for a while. That is not -"

She quickly cut me off. "Matthew, I know."

"Wait, what?" I retorted. Where the hell did the full Matthew come from, and wait, she knew?

"I saw the phone on the table after you left. I peeked out the window to see if you had gone, and I saw you coming back in. I..." I was beyond shocked. She wanted me to see her? She knew I was watching? As these questions were racing through my head as she continued.

"Let me fully explain before you cast judgment on me. I haven't taken a case like yours in some time. In fact, I don't take patients that have lost husbands or wives at all. Your referral erroneously came to me as a loss of a child referral. It was not until our first session that I realized you had lost your wife and not a child. You stuck me as someone I should help in that first session, so I decided to continue down this path that I had avoided for so long. You see Matt, your coping strategy, and how you dealt with Jenn's death, was very much like me." My mouth was agape as I was realizing what she was telling me. She was fingering her the silver ring on her neckless now.

"My husband Dan died four years ago, Matt. He had a brain aneurysm that we didn't know about. I came home one day and found him dead on the kitchen floor. Much like your Jenn, he was everything to me."

She was now clutching the ring on her neckless tighter and I realized this must have been his wedding ring. A profound sadness had come over her face.

"Just like you, Matt, I told everyone that I was coping fine. I said the right things to everyone, and I just buried it. I buried it for three years, until you came along. I realized in listening to you that I had not moved on, and I was very much worried that you were doing the same. It took me everything I had in me not to yell at you every week to snap you out of it. To scream at you not to continue to make the mistakes that I had, that I still was. That silence at the beginning of the sessions was filled with me wrestling with my demons, hoping you were wresting successfully with yours."

"I forced myself not to feel anything. I was just floating along coldly and, how did you put it? Frumpily?" Again with the frumpy. Another wave of embarrassment swept across me.

"But things changed, Matt. Your life went in an unexpected direction and listening to you, well, it re-lit some fires that hadn't burned in me for some time." She paused looking directly into my eyes and uncrossed and crossed her legs again. If I didn't know better, she was trying to stoke a fire in me.

"Matt, you can leave at any point. What I am going to tell you next is very sensitive and extremely personal, so if you want to leave, I completely understand. Remember, you are no longer my patient. We are having this conversation as adults, and hopefully as friends."

I was in for the story, still not fully understanding where this was going to lead us. "I appreciate that, Amanda, but I think I'll stay."

"Very well, this gets a bit awkward next." I nodded my approval to continue, as I wasn't going anywhere now.

"Dan and I shared some of the same, uh, tastes as you do. As Jenn obviously did, and as your friends, who are just sorting things out now, do. I like to be watched. I like to watch. I like the anticipation to the point where it's drawn it out for minutes, hours, days. Dan had a very similar, uh, appetite for the same kinks you do. I had a voracious appetite for him and his sexual whims. Hearing your experiences set me ablaze last week. I felt things that I haven't felt in ages. Things that I all but shut myself out of." All I could do was nod at her.

She must have noticed my rapt attention on her and again uncrossed and crossed her legs but this time smoothing her stockings on her legs with her hands. I looked up and saw a mischievous grin.

"This is one of your kinks is it not?" As she said this, she started to rub her legs again tracing one hand now under her skirt.

She closed her eyes and let out a muffled moan as her hand disappeared under her dress. She let out another barely audible moan. I cleared my throat and fidgeted in the chair. That broke her trace and she opened her eyes and straightened up in her chair.

"You see, we aren't that different at all. I do feel like I have an unfair advantage here. I've heard your naughty stories. You've bared your soul to me in the last few weeks, but you don't know anything about me and my history. Would you like to hear one of my naughty stories? It might even the playing field, just a little?" Her gaze was burning me now.

I tried to play it off, "Sure, why not," I tried to say casually.

"Alright, but again, you can walk out that door at any time." That seemed like an empty threat.

She started in on her story, "Dan and I had two days in the middle of the week off together. We went away and got a hotel room in the city in the early spring. We went out to a show, had an amazing dinner, and were at the hotel bar for a nightcap. We were both pleasantly drunk and I was very aroused. I wanted to be upstairs and not at the bar, but Dan knew that. He always loved to draw things out for me, to the point where I would have done anything for him." Her words seemed to linger heavily in the air.

I still could not believe she was telling me an intimate story about her and her dead husband.

She continued, "I remember sitting at the bar and Dan's hand was rubbing the inside of my thigh. We were both dressed up from the show and dinner. I had these exact black thigh highs and black dress on. His hand was lingering just above the stocking tops but just below where I wanted them to be."

She was pointing to her nylon encased legs. Just the thought of the space between her stocking tops and her pussy was making my pants tight. The telltale creep of red was traveling up her neck and into her face as she told the story as her breaths began to get just noticeably shallower.

"He was teasing the hell out of me and driving me crazy. He'd trace his fingers up almost to my panties then draw them away just as quickly as he had started."

Amanda was tracing her own fingers over the inside of her thighs under her skirt that had begun to ride up on her. My cock was straining against my pants as I watched her idly toy with herself as she continued her story.

"All of this was happening at our fairly brightly lit seats under a very minimal overhang of the actual bar itself. The excitement of being discreetly fondled out in the open just added to my fire. At one point I had to excuse myself to the ladies room to get some air."

"I got out of the bathroom stall and was washing up, staring at myself in the mirror flush with desire wishing we would just go upstairs and relieve all this pent-up tension. The woman next to me snapped me out of my sexual haze as she started talking to me. 'Are you okay,' she asked with a concerned look? 'I've been watching you and your husband at the bar tonight. Do you like being pushed to the edge and back in front of everyone?' she asked me in a very slow and steady tone. I was taken aback and embarrassed but somehow this just drove my desire even further."

"I told her that yes it did add to the excitement, but I was now ready to consummate the night. She smiled back at me with that and asked, 'Do you want to take the control back from him? Would you take a suggestion from a stranger in a ladies' room to get back the upper hand?' I sort have giggled and said sure and asked her what she had in mind."

"I could not have been more shocked what she told me. 'Take your panties off and put them in your purse,' and with that, she reached under her own skirt and shimmied hers off and stuffed them in her purse."

I interrupted her story, "She did what? She told you to take your panties off and then took hers off?"

"Yeah, that's not even the best part." She shifted again in her seat now unconsciously playing with the ring on her neckless. Her face was fully pink now.