I suppose that it had been an easy enough mistake to make.
My friend Rosemary -- who knows that I am an avid collector of antique toys -- had mentioned that she had seen, somewhere, she couldn't remember where, something about an exhibition. One of the local galleries, she thought. And quite soon. Next week, was it? Something like that.
'That's OK,' I told her. 'I'll just Google it when I get home.'
I typed in 'toy exhibition'. Except that I didn't. For some reason I typed in 'toy exhibitionist'. And that is how it all started. Instead of a link to an upcoming exhibition of antique toys, I was presented with the promise of ladies exposing themselves, some -- but not all -- in association with a 'toy' of the bedroom variety.
For a moment or two I just stared at the screen in disbelief. How could the words 'toy exhibition' have produced these results? And then I realised what I had done. I was just about to correct my error when the name Bella2 jumped out from the screen. Bella2 had been my old nickname at university. Bella from Isabella, and 2 because there was already a Bella in the class when I arrived. The incumbent Bella became Bella1, and I became Bella2. But who was this other Bella2?
I clicked on the link and there she was: Bella2. Or at least there was her nom de screen. Below the name tag were five rather professional-looking photographs in a descending column.
The first photograph was of a woman in a blue slip. She was sitting in a chair, her legs crossed demurely. The chair appeared to be in a hotel room. The photograph had been cropped just above the woman's shoulders. Without seeing her face (there was a hint of her chin, but that was all), it was hard to tell her age. But I thought that she was probably in her mid-to-late-forties. About the same age as me perhaps.
In the second photograph, the woman was standing, steadying herself with one hand on the back of an adjacent chair while, with her other hand, she was removing a pair of pale blue lace-edged knickers.
In the third photograph the knickers had made their way all the way down to her ankles. The woman was now leaning forward, her ample breasts threatening to escape from the top of her slip, as she prepared to abandon her knickers altogether.
In the fourth photograph, her knickers were nowhere to be seen. I could imagine that she had 'kicked' them off and that they were now lying somewhere beyond the frame of the photograph. Perhaps at the feet of the photographer. Knickerless, the woman was now stepping out of her silky blue slip.
She was a well-padded woman; not fat, but certainly not skinny. In addition to her ample breasts, she had a slightly rounded tummy and the thighs of a woman approaching middle age without any undue concern about the need to maintain the figure of a teenage catwalk model.
In the fifth photograph, she was just standing there. Naked. And proud. Below her rounded tummy, at the intersection of her womanly thighs, there was a luxuriant patch of greying pubic hair.
Beneath the photographs, a number of posters had left their comments. The posters' spelling and grammar left something to be desired, but there was little doubt as to what they were trying to say. Bella2 was certainly a crowd pleaser. A number of the posters offered risquΓ© suggestions as to what they might do with Bella2's breasts should they be offered the opportunity -- not that there was anything to suggest that they would be offered the opportunity.
I could understand what those viewing Bella2's breasts (and other attributes) might be getting out of her exhibitionist display, but what about Bella2 herself? What did she get out of it I wondered? Intrigued, I clicked on the next 'displayee', a woman going by the screen name of Milf4ya. Milf4ya was also proudly displaying her bare breasts. Compared to Bella2's breasts, Milf4ya's were quite small; but, yes, I have to admit that they were also rather attractive. Perky is a word that came to mind.
A few pages on, there was another photograph of Bella2. This time she was dressed in a low-cut top. She was leaning forward so that there was very little of the actual top showing, just a rather spectacular cleavage, a deep valley disappearing between her more-than-impressive fleshy globes. One of her 'fans' had posted a message saying that he wouldn't half fancy a titty-fuck. 'Oh, yes,' Bella2 had replied. 'That would be just perfect, Baxstreetboy.' I'm sure that she had absolutely no idea of whom Baxstreetboy was and absolutely no real intention of helping him to realise his fantasy. Still ....
Altogether, I must have spent about 20 minutes exploring the virtual home of Bella2 and her exhibitionist sisters, and then I went back to Google, corrected my original error, and discovered that the exhibition of antique toys was to be held at The Walker-Moss Gallery, and not for another couple of months. There would be plenty of time to get tickets after all.
Later that evening, as I luxuriated in a nice warm bath, I again found myself wondering what it was that Bella2 got out of displaying her body for all to see. Unless I had missed an important detail somewhere along the way, there didn't seem to be any financial gain to be had. It appeared to be just a matter of 'Here I am, boys.' (I assumed that the audience was primarily male.) 'What do you think?' I remember looking down at my own boobs and wondering how I would feel if I knew that there were lots of people who I didn't know -- and was never likely to know -- looking at them. And would Baxstreetboy look at a digital depiction of my breasts and feel moved to post that he fancied a titty-fuck? Or would he just move on quickly to contemplate Milf4ya's breasts?
After my bath, I wrapped myself in my thick towelling bathrobe and went downstairs to check my emails. I also thought that I would see if there was anything interesting on Newsnight. As it happened, there were no new emails. And Newsnight seemed to be back on 'the Scottish question', so I decided to take a quick peep at the latest online news headlines. I hadn't really meant to go back to the virtual home of Bella2 and Milf4ya but, for some reason, that's where I ended up -- although only for ten minutes or so.
The following day -- Wednesday -- I did something really silly. The weather forecast that morning had been for showers later in the day, and so I made sure that I took my brolly with me. But then, when I left the office to catch the bus home again, I forgot all about the brolly. Silly, I know. And, of course, no sooner had I got off the bus and set off for the five-minute walk from the bus stop, than the rain started to pour down. By the time I got home I was absolutely drenched. Even my bra was soaked.
I was just standing in the bathroom, surrounded by abandoned wet clothes, towelling myself dry and scolding myself for my stupidity, when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. And, just for a moment or two, I thought, Isabella Martin, for a girl who is well past 40, you don't look too bad.
The body in the mirror was definitely not the body of an 18-year-old, but it was OK. In fact, for a moment or two, I thought that it was better than OK. For a moment or two I thought that even Baxstreetboy might approve. After all, he didn't seem to have too much of a problem with Bella2's odd crinkle and wrinkle, or the extra few pounds distributed about her hips. In fact, in exchange for the virtual prospect of a titty-fuck between her voluptuous breasts, he seemed prepared to overlook several minor defects. Or maybe he really did prefer a woman with a bit of meat on her bones.
My cell phone was there and, almost without thinking, I picked it up and took a couple of photographs of myself in the mirror. They weren't great photographs. The flash bouncing back from the mirror sort of washed out half of the picture. I should have just trashed them there and then. But I didn't. Well, not immediately anyway. My friend Maria was supposed to be calling by at about six o'clock to drop off the baking dish that she had borrowed, and, according to my phone, it was already 5:53. I quickly gathered up my damp clothes and scurried though to the bedroom to find some dry ones. Maria arrived about ten minutes later.
'One baking dish -- returned with thanks,' Maria said. 'And since I'm always drinking your wine, I thought that I'd better bring some. Where are the glasses?'
'Oh, you shouldn't have done that,' I said.
'Too late,' Maria replied. 'I already have.'
I got a couple of wine glasses from the cupboard and Maria poured a very generous slosh of wine into each of them.
'Cheers.'
'Yes, cheers,' I echoed.
I'm always a little surprised that Maria and I are such good friends. As much as I try not to be, I'm really quite quiet and reserved; whereas Maria is anything but.
'How's Nigel?' I asked.
'He's up in Derby for some sort of conference. Not back until Friday night.'
'Oh, so you're on your own then?'
'Just for a couple of nights,' Maria said. 'Mind you, knowing Nigel, on at least one of those nights he'll probably end up with a skinful, calling me at midnight, and wanting phone sex.'
'Oh,' I said -- trying not to sound ... well ... shocked, I suppose.