Shattered Confessions:

1. Shattered Confessions

Her hand trembled as she picked up her cell phone, its screen illuminating her tear-streaked face. Her mascara was smudged and running down her cheeks, her dress was torn and rumpled, and she sat hunched on the bed, her posture a defeated slump.

How was she going to tell Daddy?

She pulled up Daddy's number and couldn't help but wince seeing his handsome smiling face on the caller ID photo. Daddy was such a handsome man. His face was angular and chiseled like a model's. His smile was warm and welcoming and he had piercing blue eyes. Despite his 45 years, Daddy was still tall and broad-shouldered, his muscular frame filling out his tailored suits perfectly. But these were thoughts for another time. Now he was about to be nothing more than a detached voice on the phone.

She clicked dial. The phone--which Daddy had bought her just as he'd bought the dress, shoes, and even panties she had on--began to ring.

"Babygirl?" said Daddy, picking up after a few heart-wrenching rings.

She couldn't bring herself to answer back, even though she'd called him. Her breath stuck in her throat. What she'd done was unforgivable, disgusting, proof she was just the kind of girl she always knew she was.

Candy was a slut. Plain and simple. No sugarcoating it. She was so ashamed, but almost accepting now. Like she'd found herself at the bottom of the rabbit hole she'd just gone down.

"Babygirl?" said Daddy again.

"D-Daddy," Candy finally choked out, her voice barely above a whisper. "I... I messed up."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. Candy could almost feel the tension building, imagining Daddy's jaw clenching, his knuckles whitening as he gripped the phone.

"What happened?" His voice was low and controlled but with an undercurrent of anger that made Candy's stomach churn. "Messed up how, Babygirl."

She swallowed hard, her throat dry and tight. "I... I went to Last Call. It's this bar in--"

"I've heard of it," Daddy said warily. He had apparently not heard good things, and Candy well understood why after tonight. "What happened?

"I... I just... There was a guy."

She could almost hear Daddy's expression change.

"What. Fucking. Guy?" said Daddy bitingly.

"Daddy--"

Daddy's voice was now icy with a hard edge. It felt like a slap. "You call me Sir until I change my mind." Frankly, she would have preferred a slap. It's what she knew she deserved right now.

She looked down at her feet like a schoolgirl being told off. Truth be told she wasn't that much older than a schoolgirl. She was just a sophomore at The New School, studying gender and sexuality. Candy even looked the part: her little black dress clashed with her blonde bob held in place with a little pink plastic headband. The black of her running mascara contrasted with her light blue eyes.

Even her little thong panties fit the part, soft white and frilly. Though now they were... stained. Inside and out. She closed her eyes in shame. She felt the tears coming again.

"Candy, you start talking or I hang up this phone. And that's the end. Forever."

"No!" she practically screamed. "I'm sorry."

She needed him. She couldn't imagine this being their last conversation. They had been together in this sugar relationship for almost 6 months and it have been magical. He'd given her everything she desired except-- She couldn't even bring herself to admit that what she wanted, truly wanted deep down inside, was so depraved.

How could she have done what she did after all Daddy had done? she wondered.

"Tell me what happened. NOW!" he screamed, losing control in a way he rarely did.

Candy swallowed hard, her throat constricting as she struggled to find the words. The memories of the night flooded back, vivid and sordid.

"I... I missed you so much, Sir," she began, her voice quavering. "You've been gone on your business trip for two weeks, and I just felt so alone. My roommate Nell, she... she suggested we go out for a girls' night. I know you don't like me going out without you, but I thought it would be okay. Just us girls, you know?"

She paused, her fingers twisting in the torn fabric of her dress. The silence on the other end of the line was deafening.

"We started at this little wine bar, but Nell kept saying we should go somewhere... more exciting. That's when she mentioned Last Call. I knew I shouldn't, Sir. I knew you'd be angry, but I... I'd had a few drinks, and I let her talk me into it."

Candy's mind flashed back to the gritty dive bar.

"I don't know--" she'd told Nell when they reached the alleyway the bar was located at the end of, a mix of fear and curiosity hitting her. They were in a part of Brooklyn Candy didn't know well, and there was hardly anyone around. Without proper lighting, it was so, so dark with just a half-lit neon sign to beckon her on.

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun!" Nell had replied, her voice slurring slightly from the drinks they had already consumed.

Candy had hesitated, sure, looking back over her shoulder at the interminable alleyway she'd just walked down. She knew she shouldn't be here. She knew Daddy wouldn't approve. But Nell's words were like a siren call, tempting her to forget all of that and just let go for one night.

"Just one drink," Candy had agreed reluctantly.

"Well," interrupted Daddy suddenly, bringing her back to reality. "Did you stick to just one drink?"

"...No, sir."

"Then go on. And don't leave out one single detail. I want to know what it is you did that made up call me up at 7 am on a work trip."

"I know your trip is important, Daddy--"

"You are trying my patience, Babygirl. Keep going."

Inside she'd been struck instantly by the smell of stale beer and cigarettes, the pounding beat of aggressive punk music. Even here in Daddy's bedroom, she could almost feel the sticky floor beneath her feet, see the leering faces in the dim, smoky light, eyeing her like prey.

"It was awful, Sir. So dirty and loud."

"Then why didn't you leave?"

"Nell was having fun, dancing with these guys. And then... and then he approached me."

She squeezed her eyes shut, remembering the stranger's face. Tall, dark-haired, with a dangerous glint in his eye that should have warned her away. She'd loved his tattooed arms and the smaller tattoos that crept down his strong hands.

"He bought me a drink. I shouldn't have accepted it, I know, but I did. We started talking, and he was... he was charming, Sir."

"How so?" asked Daddy.

"Well, he was..." she struggled to find a word that would hurt Daddy but the best she could do was: "Aggressive... He made me feel... desired. Like he was in control."

"And I don't?"

"No of course you do, Sir. But..." she couldn't believe what she was saying. "You weren't there."

Candy's voice broke on the last word, shame washing over her anew. She could picture Daddy's face, his jaw clenched in anger, his piercing blue eyes cold with disappointment.

"Before I knew it, we were dancing. At first, it was just, you know dancing. I mean--" she winced in embarrassment--"I could feel him against me."

"Tell me what you mean. Say it."

"His cock. I could feel it against my stomach."

"Was it big?"

Candy hesitated, her eyes darting nervously around the room. "Yeah," she whispered, her cheeks flushing. "It was."

"Bigger than Daddy's?"

"Daddy--"

"Sir!"

"Yes. Sir."

"How could you tell?"

"At first I couldn't. And then--"

She squirmed on the bed, wanting to find some excuse, some way to explain herself. "I... I touched it. Through his pants."

"You little slut," Daddy growled, his voice low and dangerous. "After everything I've given you, this is how you repay me?"

Candy flinched, tears welling in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't mean to--"

"Shut up," he snapped. "You didn't mean to touch his cock?"

Candy took a deep breath, steeling herself for Daddy's reaction to her next words.

"No. I meant to, but it was just the alcohol and it was so late. I was so confused. I'd lost Nell."

"What happened next?"

"He started kissing me, sir. His tongue went into my mouth and I could taste beer and cigarettes. I knew I'd gone too far. I tried to say no--"

"You tried?"

"I

I couldn't bring myself to push him away. He was so strong. He wrapped his hand around me and just pulled me in.

"And you just let him?"

"Yes, sir. At first, I thought I said nothing because I was afraid he wouldn't stop, but... But it was because I was afraid he would stop. I'm so sorry, Sir. I was drunk and stupid and lonely."

She paused, dreading what she had to say next. The tears were flowing freely now, her mascara leaving dark trails down her cheeks.

"Where were his hands?"

"On my ass."

She couldn't bring herself to paint the whole picture for her devoted sugar daddy who'd never been anything but supportive of her and her desires. The stranger's tattooed hand had snaked its way beneath her little back dress, cupping her ass from behind. His fingers were brushing her sensitive area along the triangle of her little white panties.

Meanwhile, he was pressing her into him. She could feel now the full length of his enormous girth pressed across her whole stomach. It had made her feel like they were practically skin to skin and she could feel herself grow wet.

"You're not telling me everything. I can tell when you're lying, Babygirl. Now where were his hands?"

"Under my dress," she admitted in a small voice, feeling hot tears of shame streaming down her face.

"And then what happened?"

"He... he kissed me again. Harder," Candy said, her voice barely audible now as she remembered the stranger's lips pressed against hers. His stubble had felt rough and masculine. She didn't want to admit to Daddy that she'd begun to like it right then. She had known right then she was going through with this till the end. "I could feel him... grinding against me."

Daddy's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed into slits. "Did he hurt you?"

She didn't know why she said it, maybe just because it was true, but she heard herself saying. "Not yet."

"And then?" Daddy said simply.

"He took my hand. I thought we were going to go sit with Nell, but..."

"Where did he take you?"

A cold rush went up her spine at the memory of it. She was disgusted with herself but could still feel the lingering dampness in her still-unchanged panties.

"The toilet," she said, practically dying of shame.

"Did you go willingly?" he asked, perhaps genuinely curious now.

"Yes," she said, her voice barely a whisper.

"Why?"

She was taken aback by the question. What did he mean "why?" Did he want her to admit what she was--a slut? A wanton whore who would willingly walk into a seedy dive bar toilet with a total stranger just for the thrill even though she already had a Daddy she loved? The chance he might let fuck her on a dirty sink, or pound her from behind with her face pressed up against chipped, graffitied tile. Maybe all she'd get was to suck his cock, taste the bitter flavor of another man's cum, while her Daddy was just away a few weeks. She'd learned in class about accepting your sexual nature, but she didn't think anyone in any of her gender classes knew the true extent of what that could mean.

Candy took a deep breath, gathering her courage to tell Daddy the truth. She owed him that much, after everything he'd done for her.

"Because I wanted to," she said finally. "I wanted something...different. Something exciting and dangerous. And rough. I wanted to find out what awaited me on the other side."

She could hear Daddy's ragged breathing.

"How could you do this to me? To us?" he finally asked, his voice laced with genuine pain, though never losing its edge. What they had was more than sexual for them both and she knew she had ruined something beautiful. Perhaps forever.

"Daddy, I--"

"Don't you Daddy me. There's a lot more to this story, isn't there."

"Yes," she said, hanging her head. She couldn't shake the feeling she'd been called to the principal's office like she was back in high school.

"Well, then. Out with it."

"Being led through the crowded bar was humiliating. I tried locking eyes with Nell, but she just laughed and waved. She knew exactly what I was up to." And she had no intention of stopping me, Candy thought to herself.

"He held the door for me and waited for me to enter."

"A true gentleman," quipped Daddy.

"I could hear some rough-looking men and women on either side of me laugh as I stepped forward. Their vulgar comments and lewd gestures made my cheeks burn with embarrassment as I tried to keep my head down and escape their drunken stares.

"What did they say?"

"They asked if he needed any help in there with me. They talked like I wasn't even there to hear."

"But the stranger's hand gripped my arm tightly and he pulled me through the door, closing it behind him. Raucous laughter echoed through the door from inside the bar. Each click of my shiny black heels on the stained cement ground sent shivers down my spine. I could feel his eyes on me, sizing me up like a piece of meat. My heart was racing--I was afraid, really Daddy. But I," she admitted, "I was also excited."

She wanted to say she felt like an innocent victim thrown to the wolves. But she knew she enjoyed being the "victim" here and she couldn't help but be attracted to wolves.

The door's creaky, pathetic lock had slid into place behind her. Woosh--Click. It wouldn't have stopped anyone from coming into the room. It was almost like he had wanted it known what was happening in there.

"I froze and turned to him. I realized only then I hadn't asked him his name, but when I asked..."

"Yes?"

"He just laughed. Then He just brushed my hair behind my ear and asked me if I was a good girl."

"What did you say?" Daddy's voice was low, dangerous.

Candy swallowed hard. "I... I told him I was."

"You little liar," Daddy hissed. "I guess we both know that's not true."

Candy flinched at his words, but continued. "He laughed again when I said it. Then he grabbed my hair and yanked my head back. It hurt, but... but I liked it."

She could hear Daddy's breathing getting heavier on the other end of the line. "I know what you like, Babygirl."

"He pressed me against the wall," Candy went on, her voice trembling. "His hand went up my thigh, under my dress. He felt between my legs..."

"Were you wet for him, Candy?"

"Yes. He told me he could see how wet I was, then pulled my head down and told me to look. I didn't need to though--I could feel what was happening to me. I was so wet, Daddy. I'm sorry."

"I said don't call me that," he snapped. "You don't deserve to call me Daddy right now."

Candy bit her lip, fighting back tears. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir."

"What happened next?" he demanded.

"He... he turned me around and bent me over the sink. I could see myself in the cracked mirror."

Candy paused despite herself, remembering the stranger's rough hands on her body, the way he'd hiked up her dress. She would never admit it to Daddy but she was growing aroused just remembering now sitting on Daddy's silk sheets in his multi-million dollar penthous She wondered for a moment if Daddy was growing aroused too. Why else would he want to hear this about her?

"Did he fuck you?"

"Not yet. He told me to look at myself, then as he held my dress up, he asked me something... so strange. He asked me where I'd bought the dress. I didn't want to tell him, but I couldn't think of what to say. I said it was a present. He asked me who it was from. And I said it was my boyfriend."

"Then he asked if my-- if you knew where I was right now. When I said no. He slapped my ass. Not just firmly like you do, sir, but... Very, very hard, sir."

There was a long silence on the other end of the line before Daddy spoke again.

"And did that excite you, Babygirl? Being humiliated like that? By someone other than me."

Candy closed her eyes, feeling heat spread through her body at the memory. "Yes, sir. It turned me on."

"God damn it," Daddy growled. "You're such a fucking slut. I knew it from the beginning. I should have never taken in a stray."

"I'm sorry, Sir!"

Tears welled up in Candy's eyes at his words. She knew she shouldn't be enjoying this kind of treatment from a stranger, but she couldn't help it. There was something in her that needed it. Maybe something that always had. She didn't know why. Maybe she never would.

At 21, Candy was still grappling with the conflicting forces that had shaped her sexuality. Growing up in a small Midwestern town, she'd been raised in a conservative household where sex was never discussed openly. Her parents were strict Southern Baptists who believed that a woman's virtue was her most precious asset. Sunday school lessons about the evils of lust and the importance of saving oneself for marriage had been drilled into her from a young age.

But beneath that veneer of purity, Candy had always felt a simmering hunger. Even as a teenager, her fantasies were filled with dark, forbidden scenarios that made her blush with shame. She'd touch herself at night, biting her pillow to muffle her moans as she imagined being roughly taken by faceless men. The guilt that followed was crushing, but it never quite extinguished the fire inside her.

When she finally lost her virginity at 18 to her high school boyfriend, the experience had been underwhelming. He'd been gentle and considerate, but Candy found herself longing for something more intense. As he moved cautiously above her, she'd wanted to scream at him to go harder, to unleash himself on her. But she'd stayed silent, afraid of what he might think if she voiced her true desires.

"He told me my boyfriend wouldn't be happy knowing where I was. And then he said he would do something, not for me, but for my boyfriend.

"He grabbed my hair again pulling my head back, but pushed me further over the sink, so my chin touched the wall. I was bent over entirely, arched so hard it hurt--and the cool night air was icy against the red hand mark he'd left."

"He began to smack my ass. Again and again and again. First one side then the other. And hard. I didn't know if I could take it, but I was too embarrassed to yell out."

"Embarrassed?" asked Daddy. "So you wanted him to stop?"

Candy thought for a moment. Daddy, as usual, was right.

"No, sir. I could feel the heat building between my legs. But it did hurt. My eyes began to tear up and my legs shook. I was standing on my tiptoes trying to avoid the blows, but it was useless. The thwacks bounced off the walls and echoed back at us."

"Suddenly he stopped. I was blubbering, and my ass was almost numb, but he wasn't done. He turned me around again, wiped a tear from my eye, and in one motion wordlessly pushed me to my knees. I was like a puppet in his arms. I tried to resist if only for a moment, but one hand on my shoulder and I obediently... eagerly... dropped to my knees."

"Right there? In the toilet."

"Yes. I knelt on the wet floor, scraping my knees on the cement."

She recalled the painful feeling. She also remembered looking down and seeing a single drain sitting just inches from her where they must have emptied the mop after they finished cleaning up the place each night--if, in fact, they ever did clean this place up. That drain felt more and more like a metaphor to her as she thought about it.

Candy took a shaky breath before continuing. "I knelt there, looking up at him. He towered over me and his face was partially obscured by the darkness, but he was smirking down at me, slowly unbuckling his belt. I knew what was coming."

"Did you want it?" Daddy's voice was tight with barely controlled rage.

"Yes," Candy whispered. "God help me, I did."

She heard Daddy inhale sharply. "Go. On," Daddy managed through a clenched jaw.